These are the collected writings of the Simpsons from the chalkboard exercises that Bart writes during the opening credits.

  • I will not carve gods.
  • I will not spank others.
  • I will not aim for the head.
  • I will not barf unless I'm sick
  • I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
  • I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
  • I will not conduct my own fire drills.
  • Funny noises are not funny.
  • I will not snap bras.
  • I will not fake seizures.
  • This punishment is not boring and pointless.
  • My name is not Dr. Death.
  • I will not defame New Orleans.
  • I will not prescribe medication.
  • I will not bury the new kid.
  • I will not teach others to fly.
  • I will not bring sheep to class