William Safire passed away, but his "On Language" columns in The New York Times
will be remembered by his many readers.

Safire wrote about "vocabugap"--a word he was forced to coin today to describe the
situations in our lives for which we have no English word--and have to turn to a foreign
language for lexical expansion.

He said [1994], "People who are unwilling to try new words are the type who refrain
from dunking doughnuts."

Hence I give you Safire's Top 10 Yiddish Words:

1.  "shtarker"     Strong-minded person willing to wield
      power

2.  "schlep"   To pull; to drag.  Dunkin' Donuts urged customers to try its new bagels through the use of billboards reading:  "It is worth the schlep."

3.  "schmooze"  To chat.  "High Schmooze," a film and TV  term, represents a Hollywood event with a high proportion of "players" in attendance.

4.  "tchotchke"  A trinket or knick-knack. Barbra Streisand  [Look magazine, 1969], talks about her thrift shop goodies, her art works, and her favorite things:  "I'm a slave to all my tchotchkes."
 
5.  "tochis"/"tokhes" - the buttocks. Safire wrote that "there are vast swaths of the nation where nobody knows atochis from a tchotchke.  Growing up in the flyover, I learned the English word tush, "nonsense" - immortalized in the "Mikado" character Pish Tush - long before I was introduced to tushies."   David Bader ("Haikus for Jews"), wrote,
       Yenta.....  Schmeer.  Gevalt.
       Shlemiel.  Shlimazl.  Tochis.
       Oy!  To be fluent!

6.  "meshuggeneh"  Crazy.  Jackie Mason writes, "A man sees John Gotti about to park his car in a space, and then decides to beat him to it.  That's real meshuggener ("How to Talk Jewish")

     meshugener (m), meshegenah (f):  A  loony.  Whether he thinks his underwear
     is after him or barrels over Niagara Falls, he's one letter short of an M&M.("The Yiddish Dictionary of Fools" by Marnie Winston-Macauley)

7.  "mishegoss"/"meshugas"  Mad, insane, a piece of tomfoolery. Barbra Streisand, in a 1977 Playboy interview, spoke about being in grouptherapy.  "I'm finding out about life, talking to people, hearing what they feel and think..  They've got the same meshagoss I do; it has nothing to do with my being an actress.."

8.  "gay vays"  Go know..  "Gay vays that [in 2008] l in 5 of JDaters  say their mother paid for their JDate membership."

9.  "mishpoche"  Family.  Sid Caesar used many Yiddishisms in his skits.  One of his most
     memorable was a Japanese skit called "Gantze Mishpoche."

    Jackie Mason wrotes, "When a friend  asks, 'So how's the family?'  and the Jew answers, 'Don't ask!' he will then tell you anyway--for three hours.  The most dangerous thing for a Jew is one word about the mishpocheh because he's always dying to tell you...If you happen  not to use the word mishpocheh right away, he'll be listening for it for the next hour and a half, because there's no way you can get away from the other Jew, especially if he has two children.  And if one's a doctor, you're there all day." ("How to Talk Jewish")

10. "beygl"   Bagel.  A donut with rigor mortis.  A doughnut dipped in cement.
    
---------------------   
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe is the author of two books:  "Yiddish For Dog & Cat Lovers"
and "Are Yentas, Kibitzers, & Tummlers Weapons of Mass Instruction?  Yiddish
Trivia."

9. Jewish kids get home too late from Yeshiva and have too much homework to go trick-or-treating. And its a bitch to get out of mishmar.

8. How can you waste perfectly good eggs on a "trick"?

7. Jewish kids would never be satisfied with a "fun-sized" chocolate bar. And what's so damn fun about about 2 bites of chocolate anyway? Remember those huge candy bars you could get at Hershey Park? Now that's what I call fun sized!

6. Orange really does not look good against our Semitic skin.

5. Jews don't eat pumkin. They just don't.
(note: Butternut Squash or Tzimmes is as fluorescent as we get)

4. We are haunted by guilt, not ghosts.

3. Jews have Purim, anyway. And I'll take booze over candy any day.

2. Rugelach and apple strudel don't travel well in those plastic jack-o-lanterns.

1. We just scare way too easily.

10. No one can pronounce your name despite the fact that it's written on your shirt. (name: Shmuely = "Go Shmucky!")
9.  Gatorade becomes officially kosher after mile 1  (sakanat nefashos, no?)
8. You feel "at home" running through Chasidic Brooklyn, until someone asks if you put on teffilin yet
7. Physically you felt a hell of a lot worse at Neliahon Yom Kippur
6. You realize the term "Anu Ratzim, vHaim Ratzim" suddenly refers to the same finish line
5. You expect 5minutes off your time due to required hugs/kisses/photos with random cousins by your mother
4. You awkwardly try to let on to a girl named Batsheva that your Jewish: "Hey, um, is this running-goo pareve?"
3. You find it odd yet completely normal to hear a Chasid cheer "Shkoyach!"
2. You haven't shvitzed this much since your cousin's wedding in Monsey when the AC went out
1. You know why 26 is the gematria of God's name - because at that mile, you've never thanked God so much in your life

9.       Multitasking while saying a bracha is a no-no

8.       Simcha Guidelines emphasize less focus on external appearances

7.       Literal interpretation: "Ein mikra yotzei midei pshuto"

6.       Brothers failed to recognize Yosef's face

5.       Loud shofar blasts meant to startle and produce anxiety

4.       Avraham, take your ONLY son, the one you LOVE, YITZCHAK. Do not misunderstand!

3.       And you Lavan, let me communicate this clearly: it's RACHEL, your LITTLE DAUGHTER.

2.       Rocking behaviors encouraged, especially during shemona esrei

1.   Took Rav Preida's talmid 400 times to "get it"

To increase your awareness of ASPERGER'S SYNDROME, visit http://autism.about.com/od/aspergerssyndrome/a/adultsaspergers.htm#

You or your loved one may not just be quirky - maybe it's Asperger's.

New York magazine reports that Tom Delay, former congressman, is going to appear on "Dancing With The Stars" (rather than Being in Jail With the Criminals) on September 21rst.

Rumor has it that he's been taking "tantsn"  (Yiddish for "dancing") lessons at The Little Shop of Horas.  :-)

DeLey posted a message on Twitter:  "Headed to the studio for my first rehearsal and to meet my partner.  Hoping it's not Nancy Pelosi."

Here's are my Top 10 "tantsn" steps for DeLay:

10.  "Der Hamer" (The Hammer)

9.  "Tsuker Land" (Sugar Land) Fox Trot

8.  Electronic "Knekhl" (ankle) Bracelet
      Waltz

7.  Texas Two-Step:  Steptogether, walk, walk...to the Texas State Penintentiary

6.  "After the AARP "veyter" (voter) Tango

5.  "Turme hoyz" (Jail House) Twist

4.  "Campaign-Fund Bagels and Bongos"

3.  "Funny-Money Trail" Country Western  (C/W) Dancing

2.  "Tom's Shmeykhl-and-say Boogie"
                  (Smile-and-say Boogie)

1. "Judicial Wrangling" Waltz

_________________________
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe is the author of two books:  "Yiddish for Dog & Cat Lovers" and "Are Yentas, Kibitzers, & Tummlers Weapons of Mass Instruction?  Yiddish Trivia."  She may be reached at 516-433-5439

10. "Sir, are these Hebrew leather S&M strap-ons yours?" 

9.  "So all these Tin-foil balls have leftovers in them?"

8. "What part of 'single man carrying a hatbox' isn't suspicious?"

7.  With a box like that, that must be one nice lemon"

6.  "So let me get this straight. Your mother's friend's sister-in-law's daughter packed this bag and needs you to give it to her brother whom you've never met?"

5. "Sorry, you say this entire duffle bag full of smoked meats, canned foods, pots, pans, crock pot is for one weekend?"

4.  "Please take off your jacket. Your other jacket. Your hat. Your other hat"

3.  "Ms, you cannot be on the phone while going through the metal detector."

2. "uh, you forgot your kid!"

1.  "I'm sorry were going to have to scan the Styrofoam head in your bag again"