Rules of the Sukkah (with numbered footnotes)

You can build it very small (1)

You can build it very tall (2)

You can build it very large (3)

You can build it on a barge

You can build it on a ship (4)

Or on a roof but please don't slip (5)

You can build it in an alley (6)

You shouldn't build it in a valley (7)

You can build it on a wagon (8)

You can build it on a dragon (9)

You can make the skakh of wood (10)

Woud you, could you, yes you should

Make the skakh from leaves of tree

You shouldn't bend it at the knee (11)

Build your Sukkah tall or short

No Sukkah is built in the Temple Court

You can build it somewhat soon

You cannot build it in the month of June (12)

If your Sukkah is well made

You'll have the right amount of shade (13)

You can build it very wide

You can not build it on its side

Build if your name is Jim

Or Bob or Sam or even Tim

Build it if your name is Sue (14)

Do yu build it, yes you do!

From the Sukkah you can roam

But you should treat it as your home (15)

You can invite some special guests

Don't stay in it if there are pests

You can sleep upon some rugs

Don't you build it where there's bugs

In the Sukkah you should sit

And eat and drink but never ...

If in the Sukkah it should rain

To stay there would be such a pain (16)

And if it should be very cold

Stay there only if you're bold

So build a Sukkah one and all

Make it large or make it small

Sukkah rules are short and snappy

Enjoy Sukkot, rejoice be happy.

Footnotes:

1. Maimonides (RMBM) Mishne Torah, Hilchot Sukkah, Chapter 4, Section 1. The minimum height of a Sukkah is 10 tefachim. A tefach is a measure of the width of the four fingers of one's hand. My hand is 3 1/4 inches wide for a minimum Sukkah height of 32 1/2 inches. The minimum allowable width is 7 tefachim by 7 tefachim. This would result in a Sukkah of 22 3/4 inches by 22 3/4 inches.  

2. The maximum height is 20 Amot. An Amah is the length from the elbow to the tip of the middle finger. My Amah is 15 1/2 inches for a maximum height of 25 feet. Others say that 30 feet is the maximum.

3. According to RMBM the Sukkah can be built to a width of several miles. Shulchan Aruch also says there is no limit on the size of the width.

4. RMBM Hilchot Sukkah Chapter 4, Section 6.

5. RMBM Hilchot Sukkah Chapter 4, Section 11. RMBM states that one may construct a Sukkah by wedging poles in the four corners of the roof and suspending scakh from the poles. The walls of the building underneath are considered to reach upward to the edge of the scakh.

6. RMBM Hilchot Sukkah Chapter 4, Section 8-10 discusses the ins and outs of building your Sukkah in an alley or passageway.

7. There is a location referred to in the Talmud called Ashtarot Karnayim. According to the discussion there are two hills, with a valley in between where the Sun does not reach. Therefore it is impossible to sit in the shade of the roof of the Sukkah. I can't find the reference...hopefully next year.

8. RMBM Hilchot Sukkah Chapter 4, Section 6. You can go into a Sukkah built on a wagon or a ship even on Yom Tov.

9. RMBM Hilchot Sukkah Chapter 4, Section 6. OK, RMBM says a camel but dragon rhymes with wagon a lot better, don't you agree. Anyway, RMBM says you can build your Sukkah on a wagon or in the crown of a tree, but you can't go into it on Yom Tov. There is a general rule against riding a beast or ascending into the crown of a tree on Yom Tov.

10. Chapter 5 deals with the rules for the scakh. Basically, you can use that which has grown from the ground, and is completely detached from the ground. So, for example, you cannot bend the branches of a tree over the Sukkah to form the scakh. But you can cut the branches from a tree and use them as scakh.

11. This would be a violation of the rule cited in the prior footnote.

12. Shulchan Aruch, Hilchot Sukkah, Perek 636, Section 1. The Sukkah should not be built sooner than 30 days before the Hag. However, if the structure is built prior to 30 days, as long as something new is added within the 30 days, the Sukkah is kosher.

13. Of course it's a well known rule that you must sit in the shade from the roof of the Sukkah and not in the shade that may be cast by the walls. It seems that this might affect the height of the walls, depending on the longitude of the location where you are building your Sukkah.

14. Technically, women, servants and minors are exempt from the Mitzvah of Sukkah. In our day we hope we know better than to read out half the Jewish people from the observance of Mitzvot. Of course, that's just a personal opinion of the author.

15. RMBM ibid Chapter 6, Section 6 explains that you should eat, drink and live in the Sukkah for the 7 days as you live in your own home. One should not even take a nap outside of the Sukkah.

16. RMBM ibid, Section 10. If it rains one should go into the house. How does one know if it is raining hard enough? If sufficient raindrops fall through the scakh (roof covering) and into the food so that the food is spoiled - go inside!

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the
Radiologists could see right through it.  Surgeons decided to wash
their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would
indeed be a  bitter pill to swallow.  The Plastic Surgeons opined that
this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter".
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were
pissed off at the whole idea.  Anesthesiologists thought the whole
idea was a gas, and those softy Cardiologists didn't have the heart to
say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up
to the assholes in Washington .
 

Why did God fall for the Jews on Shavous?
It was Chalove at first site

Who is the #1 Movie star on Shavous?
Blintz Eastwood

What did the Rabbi suggest George W. learn on Shavout night?
Ak-dumb-ot

Why did the Yeshiva Boy ask about Sex on Shavout?
Accidentally read the 'Book of Dr. Ruth'

What sports team is always favored to win on Shavous?
The 49ers

What type of hotel room did Moshe request to God on Mount Sinai?
A Room with a ShaVIEWot

How did the Milky Way get its name on Shavous?
Milk!?-Oy Vay

What type of car should one drive on Shavous?
A Si-van

What breakfast cereal is most popular on Shavous?
Honey Bunches of ShavuOATS.

What game do teenagers play on Shavous?
Truth or Dairy

Why is Shavous the official holiday of the desperate single?
It's dateless.

What's the name of the restaurant that Ruth and Naomi founded?
The MoaBITE

Why is fruit punch the official drink of Shavout?
Fruits were 'bikkuring' over who was first, and punches were served.

Why is Moshe considered the most flagrant lawbreaker in the torah?
Because he broke all 10 commandments at once.

What type of coffee should you drink on Shavous?
deCALFeinated

why is Shavous the official 'Coming out of the Closet' holiday?
We celebrate our First fruits.

Where did the Jews eat after they got the 10 commandments?
The Golden Calfeteria

Where is medicine first mentioned in the Torah?
When God gave Moses two tablets.

Where do you go to see the late-night flick on Shavous?
To the moo-vies!

What did the rabbi respond when the congregant complained about a second day of shavous?
"It's just an udder day"

A morah was discussing getting the Ten Commandments with her 6 year old talmidim. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

Why do we not eat meat on Shavous?
Fur convenience steak.

   When the job is finished, the homeowner is  delighted but realizes
that he's forgotten to put mezuzahs on the doors.

He goes out and buys 50 mezuzahs and asks the decorator to place them on
the right hand side of each door except bathrooms.

   He's really worried that the decorator will chip the paint work or
won't put them up correctly.  However, when he comes back a few hours later, he sees
that the job has been carried out to his entire satisfaction. He's so pleased
that he gives the decorator a bonus.

   As the decorator is walking out of the door he says, "Glad you're
happy with the job."  "By the way, I took out all the warranties from the little boxes
and left them on your table.

Q. On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. What did he get from the ducks?
A. Quackers.

Q. When was the first meat mentioned in the Bible?
A. When Noah took Ham into the ark.

Q: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A: Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q: What kind of lights were on the ark?
A: Floodlights.

Q: Did all the animals on the ark come in pairs?
A: No the worms came in apples.

Q: Why didn't Noah go fishing?
A: He only had two worms!  

Q. Which animal on Noah's Ark had the highest level of intelligence?
A. The giraffe.

Q: How do we know that they played cards in the ark?
A: Because Noah sat on the deck.

Q: What animal could Noah not trust?
A: The Cheetah.

Q: What money did Noah carry into the ark?
A: Bucks and doe.

Q: Why were the horses aboard the ark Pessimistic?
A: They were always saying neigh.

Alice: Grandma, were you on Noah's ark?
Grandma: No.
Alice: then how did you survive the flood?

A. A VULTURE WAITS TILL YOUR DEAD!

The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the Rabbi walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Adam."

"Good morning, Rabbi," replied the youngster, still focused on the plaque.

Finally, Adam asks, "Rabbi, what is this?

"Well, it's a memorial to all the men and women who died in the service."

Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Adam's voice was barely audible when he asked: "Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur?"