To order your Lulav & Etrog and for more details, click https://www.mychabad.org/templates/articlecco.asp?aid=295843&jewish=Lulav-Etrog-Order-Form.htm&lang=en&site=chabadwestside.org

Cost: $50 regular set           $90 Mehudar set

Lulav sets will be available for pickup at Chabad on 92nd st. on Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday, September 29, 30 & October 1.

Rosh Hashana Photos here Yom Kippur Photos: here

Articles:

• Rosh Hashana - Would You Rather?
• Top Ten Yom Kippur Pickup Lines
• Top Ten Rosh Hashanah Pickup Lines
• The Rosh Hashana Drinking Game
• Stuff you probably didn't repent for on Yom Kippur
• Upper West Side Al Chaites
• Top Ten Reasons why HIPSTERS Love Yom Kippur
• How to make it into the book of life, statistically
• Upper West Side HIGH HOLIDAY Seat Listing
• Davening Can Be a Killer Joke
• Your Taschlich Bread of Choice
• Top Ten Lesser Known Acronyms for ELLUL
• Yom Kippur vs. the Super Bowl
• Top Ten Reasons Judaism is indebted to the game of Baseball
• Yom Kippur: Twins: Are They Really Identical?
• The Most Expensive Yom Kippur Tickets
• Top Ten traditions to Look forward to this Holiday Season
• Top Ten Signs You've been Sealed for a Year of Happiness
• Top Ten Signs your Kohain isn't becoming the Kohain Gadol
• Top Ten Ways to Scare Your Guests During the High Holidays 
• Top Ten Ways Yom Kippur is like Purim 
• The Complete Idiot's guide to Viduy 
• Top Ten Unexpected Events in Synagogue on Yom Kippur
• Yom Kipper and its Aftermath
• Married to G-d
• Jermey Piven Talks About Phones In Shul
• Top Ten Ways New Years Eve is like Rosh Hashana
• Top Ten traditions to Look forward to this Holiday Season
• Top Ten Things You Don't Want to hear from the Guys Sitting next to you on Rosh Hashana
• Free Shofar iPhone Application! 

Videos:

• Larry David Scalping Rosh Hashana tickets
• DEXTER: have a killer rosh hashana!
• SHMAIS.com: The Shofar and the Pooch
• Hatikvah on the shofar!
• Rosh Hashana - My Sharona?
• UMAN Rosh Hashana
• How to Blow a Shofar
• SAY YOUR SORRY!
• Rosh HaShana The Jewish New Year in Israel 2009 with Benji Lovitt
• Shana Tova Song!
• Scalping Yom Kippur Tickets
• Rosh Hashana Hip Hop - Chozinn
• Phone Atone
• Steve Colbert: Days of Repentance Hotline
• Todd & God: Rosh Hashanah
• Shofar Blower on Conan O'Brien
• I Gotta' Love You Rosh Hashanah
• Shofar Dude: Stop Pointing that Thing at Me!
• Uman! Rosh Hashana!! ROCKY VIDEO
• No Membership Required
• JEW-WALKING w/ Simmy Kay
• Nasrallah Band Wishing L'shana Tova
• Yom Kippur Song & Water Bed
• Virtual TASHLICH Animation
• If I Had ONE Wish This New Years from God
• Head of the Year - RAP
• The Sound of the New Year
• Dip DA Apple in DA HONEY
• Madonna Concert: Has Shofar Player
• Have a STICKY Rosh Hashana
• Tapuach B'Dvash Animation Card
• Agent Emes in "The Fish Head"
• Shofar Idol (American Idol Spoof)
• Shofar So Good
• Not Another YOM KIPPUR Movie! Spoof Trailer
• Mel Gibson Early Yom Kippur Atonement Telethon!
• Yom Kippur in Fast Forward (Israel)
• Tefillah! Bad Attitude on Yom Kippur
• Vlog: Yom Kippur Card - Watch Me Atone!
• Shlugging Kaparos & Tashlich Footage from Israel
• The Unknown Reasons for Yom Kippur

PHOTOS:

• Shofar So Good
• Great Drink for Rosh Hashana
• Fish Head Specialist
• Google Rosh Hashana
•  Rosh Hashana @ Apple Computers!
• Greatest Rosh Hashana Outfit Ever
• Rosh Hashana on the NASDAQ
• Pimped Out Davening Board
• Borat L Shana Tova Card
• Superbad Rosh Hashana!
• Knocked Up Rosh Hashana
• The Kaparos Ninja
• Got Teshuva?
•  LChaim to a New Year - Kittel One
•  Looking for a Swinging Jewish French/Middle Eastern Chick?
• Ani Tokea!
• Can we recruit this guy to our shul for Rosh Hashana?
• FISH LOVE TASHLICH greetings
• Paul Schaffer SHOFAR
• Rosh Hashana body paint?
• Pom Juice - Rosh Hashana SAVIOR
• The Shof-Car
• Rosh Hashana HATER
• ALI G. Rosh Hashana Kard
• Dag Sameach
• MATRIX Rosh Hashana
• SUPER BIKER Shofar
• Dueling SHOFARS
• FAMILY TIES Rosh Hashana
• Fish heads Rosh Hashana
• Good Will Hunting APPLES
• High Holidays
• POPE vs. Shofar
• Bubble Shofar
• REPENTANCE Alarm Clock
• THE POWER OF Teshuva with Sadam!
• Anna Kornikova - Jewish New Years card!
• This is your mikva on erev rosh hashana
• Shofar Brew Funnel
• Go To Yom Kippur Shoes
• Baby yom kippur outfit
• CAUTION yom kippur ahead!
• DR. Kol NiDRE
• I Lost 5 pounds on the Yom Kippur Diet!
• TONE Loc Yom Kippur

1. Download the sheet HERE
2. Print it
3. Walk around all night long being the only person who knows what's what
4. Learn awesome torah all night long
Happy Shavuot!!!!

finally to the winners...

Best Costume:  William Green for his awesomely flamboyant Richard Simmons. Which literally got people dying of laughter all night long.

Runners up: Daniel Dauber's WHEATIES BOX

Best Couple: Rena Goldstein and Avi Goldstein for their strategically placed Fig leafed ADAM and EVE.  Pru Revuing it all night long!

runners up: bonnie goldberg and rena englander Devil/angel, sheemon zacka and briana moskovic's batman/batgirl

Most innappropirate costume: bangitout's own Isaac Galena for his leotard/high heels Justin Timberlake "All My Single Ladies" SNL spoof

Top 2009 Purim Costume Ideas:

• Bernie Madoff - wear a Fonzy outfit with THE PONZE sign
• Joaquim Phoenix - think Chasidic with sunglasses and chewing gum
• Slumdog Millionaire - Cover yourself in fake feces, carry a photo and scream "Amitabh Bachchan!!!"
• Rihana/Chris Brown - black eye, broken arm, torn UMBRELLA ELLA ELLA
• Octomom, wear belt o' babies
• The Lost Jonas Brother
• The Stimulus Plan
• McGruber!
• Rod Blagoyavich - big big hair
• Aretha Franklin's Inauguration bow-hat
• Obamanation
• Sarah Palin, or even better, Bristol Palin
• Bibi and Tzippi
• Watchmen
• Anyone off of LOST, Heroes, 30 Rock, Gossip Girl, American Idol, Serugim
•  A Shot Gorilla
• A-Fraud
• Michael Phelps: speedo + bong
• The Financial Crisis: (go shirtless!)

Adam Sandler has got to write a new rendition of his song cause this is geting confusing. Seems everyone is Jewish.   check this:

NY DAILY NEWS - A-List Chanukah:

Scarlett Johansson Natalie Portman Maggie and Jake Gyllenhaal Robert Downey Jr(??). Rachel Weisz, Sean Penn(??)  James Franco, Kate Hudson, Joaquin Phoenix(??) Zac Efron, Bar Refaeli, Shia Labeouf, Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody, Adam Levine, Adrien Brody Isla Fisher /Sacha Baron Cohen, Daniel Radcliffe(??) Gwyneth Paltrow (father) Amanda Peet, Jack Black, Jamie Lynn-Sigler, Elizabeth Banks(??) / Zach Braff, Alicia Silverstone, Liev Schreiber, Jennifer Connelly?? Emmanuelle Chriqui, Adam Goldberg, Keri Russell(??)  Jeremy Piven, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Amanda Bynes (father), Brooke Burke, Evan Rachel Wood, Gina Gershon, Gennifer Goodwin, Paul Rudd, Neve Campbell

Be part of the most idiotic hysterical GLOBAL chanukah candle lighting MUSIC VIDEO!

This is your chance to be creative, Jewish, and part of a YouTube video viewed by every heeb in the Jewish Internet World (apx 23 people!)

The folks over at PassTheCandle.com need your help.

here's what to do:

1. Grab a video camera
2. Video someone offscreen passing you a candle  to your right hand
3. Light a single candle on your menorah with the candle
4. Pass the candle offscreen to your left

as bangitout.com readers you must do something psychotic in the midst of the aforementioned steps. This means using such props as blowtorches, political effigies, marijuana, and chrain. Get crazy, do some robot dancing and get your PIRSUMAY NISAH On!

Then just send the video to  PassTheCandle@gmail.com (you can use www.yousendit.com for a faster send)

for more deets you can watch the HOW TO Video HERE

--

Please follow these simple drinking rules and you should find yourself having the best simchas torah of your life: (if you can remember it) Party Hard! - bangitout.com

If you see someone you went to Camp with, drink 1 shot

If you see someone you dated, take 2 shots

If you see someone you went to college with, but can't remember their names, 3 shots

If you have a conversation without staring at others walking by, 3 shots

If someone puts their kid on your shoulders 3 shots

Anytime you hear the song 'Hoshea Es Aecha' 1 shot

If you see a Torah brought outdoors  2 shots

If you eat on real china and non plastic, 4 shots

If you are sleeping on someone you don't knows floor, 3 shots

If you have a 10 minute conversation with someone you dont know their name 4 shots

If you see a Torah danced into the streets 3 shots

If you see someone from your hometown, younger & drunk 1 shot per year younger than u

If you see your camp counselor hitting on someone your age  2 shots

If you hear purim torah, 2 shots

If you see your "Frum" friend not wearing a yarmulke 3 shots

If you meet someone from Brooklyn 1 shot

If that person from Brooklyn is not smoking, 3 shots

Ifyou make out with that person from Brooklyn, 5 shots

If you enter a party that has no alcohol left - 4 shots

Any time someone says "Ad Cahn" 1 shot per which Hakafa it is

If you see someone being michalel yuntiv 2 shots

If you see your ex wife 5 shots

If you see Michael Jackson, Shmuley Boteach or any other celeb 5 shots

If you start singing Purim tunes, sober up

If you see someone smoking from a yarzehit candle 2 shots

If you see someone and you think I'm pretty sure that person was married  3 shots

If you see a mob of chabadniks 1 shot per beard

If you see someone smoking weed in public 2 shots, 1 hit of weed

Moscato D'Asti being drunk from the bottle, like soda  1 chug

If you hear the tune 'Ki Mitzion Tezei Torah' take 2 shots

If you make up a career everytime you meet someone 2 shots

If you see a candied apple, 2 shots 

If you see vommit at any time over the holiday, 4 shots

If someone pokes you in the eye with a flag, 4 shots

If you are faced with a stuffed toilet, 2 shots

If the second you enter a party you immediately think you need to leave, 2 shots

If someone asks you if you got an aliyah yet? 2 shots

If you run into the same person over and over and over, shot per run in.

If you lie and say you are a cohain to get an earlier aliyah, 2 shots

If you can't find your friends, and have no idea of the address where you are going, 3 shots

If someone asks you where the Carlebach shul is, 1 shot

If you can lain your own aliyah, 3 shots 
 
If you meet your bashert - send bangitout.com a bottle

If you can't read this top ten, and your lips are numb, sober up

FREE SPIRITS

A PASSOVER PLAY BY SHOSHANATYAAKOV

Props: 1 "whip", 1 jug, Monopoly money, toy frogs, "Next Day" sign, plastic bugs, necklace, fake food

EGYPTIAN: Now, after you're done building my summer house, I need my barley field harvested, and then you can scrub down the kitchen and dining room, we've got company coming. Got that? (cracks whip) Oh, and the holy sheep need to be fed, too.

JEW 1: Yes, Master.

EGYPTIAN: And make sure to have dinner ready by six, too, or else there will be extra pyramid duty tomorrow.

JEW 1: Of course.

EGYPTIAN: And your wife's near her due date, right? Remember, if it's a boy it needs to be thrown in the Nile. (leaves)

(JEW 1 works for a while. JEW 2 then comes running over)

JEW 2: Yechezkel, did you hear?

JEW 1: Hear what?

JEW 2: The river! It's turned to blood!

JEW 1: Yuck. Oh, look, the Master's back. Quick, let's get back to work.

(They start working again, and JEW 1 takes a sip from his jug)

EGYPTIAN: What's that?

JEW 1: Water, Master. What does it look like?

EGYPTIAN: But there's no water left anywhere! It's all turned to blood! (stares at the jug for a moment) And I'm getting really thirsty… Gimme.

JEW 1: If you say so, Master.

EGYPTIAN: (takes a sip): Yuck! This water's turned to blood also!

JEW 1: (looking at jug) Well, it's water again now.

JEW 2: He's right, Master. Looks like water to me.

EGYPTIAN: All right, then, you hold the jug and pour it into my mouth.

(JEW 1 looks at JEW 2, and pours the jug)

EGYPTIAN: Ugh!

JEW 2: It's turning to blood when you pour it into his mouth.

EGYPTIAN: You're doing something to it! You nasty little wretched disobedient… (EGYPTIAN advances towards JEWS, waving his whip. They back away, worried. He stops) Look, I'll pay you for it.

JEW 2: Huh?

EGYPTIAN: See? Money. I'm paying you. Now… give… me… the… water! (takes the jug from JEW 1, and drinks) Ahhh… that's much better.

JEW 1: (whispers) Does this mean that he's going to have to pay us each time he wants a drink?

JEW 2: (stunned) Whoaaa…

NEXT DAY

JEW 1: Um, good morning, Master. Had a good night's sleep?

EGYPTIAN: You think that's funny, don't you?

JEW 1: What?

EGYPTIAN: All those frogs, keeping me up all night… It's your God, you should know. (stalks off in a huff)

JEW 1: What was that all about? What frogs?

JEW 2: Oh, there aren't any in Goshen. But everywhere else, you can't see the ground for 'em. Frogs here, frogs there, frogs are jumping everywhere…

JEW 1: How do you know all this?

JEW 2: The Master  has me running errands in town all the time. I notice these things- look here, see? (picks up a frog) A frog.

JEW 1: And here's another one. And another. They're kinda cute, actually. (they keep picking up more frogs as they talk)

JEW 2: Not so cute when they're piled up six inches thick on your carpet.

JEW 1: (nods) So you say they're all over the place?

JEW 2: It's that Moses person, apparently. When he says "Let my people go, or else", he's not kidding.

JEW 1: Good for him. (tosses a frog in the direction of the EGYPTIAN)

NEXT DAY

JEW 2: (running) Oh, no, I'm late for work… the Master's gonna kill me!

JEW 1: Don't worry, he hasn't shown up yet.

JEW 2: What, he's given us a day off or something?

JEW 1: No, he's not feeling well.

JEW 2: Ah, another one of those plague thing? What's it this time?

JEW 1: Lice. I was over at the house earlier, making breakfast, and the Master's covered in them.

JEW 2: That's just gross. That's even ickier than the blood.

JEW 1: See how clean it is out here? All the dirt just turned into bugs this morning.

JEW 2: Except in Goshen.

JEW 1: Except in Goshen.

JEW 2: So… if all the dust turned into lice, then we won't have to sweep the floors.

JEW 1: (grinning) Nope.

JEW 2: And if the Master's bedridden, he can't go around giving us orders.

JEW 1: Nope.

JEW 2: So we do have the day off today, after all. Come, let's go watch the camel races.

NEXT DAY

(EGYPTIAN is barricaded in his 'house'- perhaps on the couch surrounded by pillows. JEW 1 knocks on a 'door')

JEW 1: Master, are you okay? Do you need any-

EGYPTIAN: Don't open the door! Or else they'll get in!

JEW 1: Who's "they"?

EGYPTIAN: The animals, of course! Didn't you see them, you stupid slave? Lions and tigers, and bears, oh my …

(JEW 2 comes over)

JEW 1: (looking over shoulder at JEW 2) Is this true?

JEW 2: Yup. Wild animals everywhere…

JEW 1: …except in Goshen.

JEW 2: You're getting the hang of this.

EGYPTIAN: (panicking) Are you still out there, slave? I heard they're not attacking Jews- you've got to keep them away. Fend them off with a broom or something, please- I mean DO IT, NOW!

JEW 2: (conversationally, to JEW 1) The monkeys have figured out how to pick locks, and they're letting the other animals in.

EGYPTIAN: NOW!

JEW 2: What's the magic word…?

EGYPTIAN: Okay, PLEASE! They're coming! Get them away!

JEW 2: You know, it's sorta tempting to leave him here to fend for himself.

EGYPTIAN: Pretty please, with a cherry on top!

JEW 1: But he's the Master.

JEW 2: (sighing) I guess you're right.

EGYPTIAN: And tell your God to make all the animals go away! Now!

JEW 1: Yes, Master.

NEXT DAY

EGYPTIAN: (angrily) You were praying for the animals to go away, weren't you?

JEW 2: Well, yes, you told us to.

EGYPTIAN: I didn't mean all the animals!

JEW 2: (thoughtfully) Yeah, I thought the monkeys were kinda cute, too.

EGYPTIAN: No! I meant the livestock! The camels and sheep and cows!

JEW 1: I thought it was kind of quite around here today.

EGYPTIAN: They're all dead!

JEW 2: Well, I expect the wild animals got hungry.

EGYPTIAN: They weren't eaten, they caught some sorta plague.

JEW 1: Ah, a plague.

EGYPTIAN: Your God, slave, has a sick sense of humor. (walks away)

JEW 1: (to JEW 2) I don't know about you, Shlomo, but I think it's pretty funny.

NEXT DAY

(EGYPTIAN limps towards the JEWS. He is clearly in pain, and very angry)

EGYPTIAN: You… really… have to… stop this…

JEW 1: Good morning, Master. Those boils look really nasty.

EGYPTIAN: Look, Jew. You have to… ow… stop.. siccing your God on us, you know. (scratches his leg) Because if you… ow… don't make Him lay off, I'll… ARGH!… I'll put you on extra harvesting duty… yow! (EGYPTIAN falls down, and lies on the ground, occasionally groaning)

JEW 2: Is he still alive?

JEW 1: Unfortunately.

JEW 2: "Stop siccing your God on us"? What was that about?

JEW 1: Well, our God is responsible for the blood, frogs, lice, wild animals, dead animals, and now huge painful blisters. So I guess you could say we've been siccing Him on them.

JEW 2: Yechezkel?

JEW 1: Yes?

JEW 2: So if we're the ones with the God who's causing all these plagues, why is our master threatening us? Shouldn't we be the ones threatening him? Shouldn't we be saying something like "Give us Sundays off, and no more bricklaying, or else"?

JEW 1: I guess… but… but he owns us. He's the Master.

(EGYPTIAN groans loudly)

JEW 2: But I'm starting to think he's just human.

NEXT DAY

(The JEWS start walking, and then stop, staring)

JEW 2: The Master really can't blame us for not coming to work today, can he?

JEW 1: He can, but I think with the basketball-sized hail, I think he probably has other stuff on his mind.

JEW 2: It's really cool, isn't it, how here in Goshen it's all sunny out, but two feet away over the border it's raining cats and dogs.

JEW 1: And hailing taxis.

JEW 2: (groans) That was terrible. (pause) You know, the Master's afraid of thunder. He's probably hiding under the bed right now. (laughs)

JEW 1: Heh heh. You know, Shlomo, I've been thinking about what you said. About the Master being only human.

JEW 2: An ordinary man, who's afraid of thunder.

JEW 1: So let's not call him "the Master" anymore, okay?

JEW 2: He'd whip us.

JEW 1: I mean, in private conversations, like this one.

JEW 2: But we don't know his name.

JEW 1: So, we'll think of something. Like, "Evil Egyptian Dude"-

JEW 2: Too long.

JEW 1: -Or something. The point is, it makes him sound superior.

JEW 2: Well, he is our master.

JEW 1: But I don't feel like a slave anymore.

NEXT DAY

EGYPTIAN: (swinging his whip) So your work for today… is… is…

JEW 1: Is what?

EGYPTIAN: …Is…

JEW 2: We can't sweep the house, because all the dust turned to lice…

JEW 1: And the animals died, so we can't feed them, shear the sheep, milk the cows, or muck out the stables.

JEW 2: And we can't harvest the spelt or barley, because it was destroyed by the hail…

EGYPTIAN: Aha! But I managed to save the wheat. So you can go harvest th- what's that?

JEW 1: It looks like locusts to me. And, oh deary me, it looks like they're going for the wheat. Did you have any other jobs for us?

EGYPTIAN: (pulls hair) Ahhhhhhh!

NEXT DAY

(JEWS are walking around in EGYPTIAN'S "house". EGYPTIAN is standing very still, eyes closed.)

JEW 2: Hey, Yechezkel, look at this! See, it's all dark in here, but there's this ball of light following me around and it shines on whatever I'm looking at.

JEW 1: I know. I have one too.

JEW 2: Waaaay cool! (he looks around) Hey look, there's the M- I mean, there's, er, you-know-who.

JEW 1: I still don't see what's wrong with Evil Egyptian Dude. It's better than "Work Supervisor", anyway.

JEW 2: Well, I don't see what's wrong with Work Supervisor.

JEW 1: (looks back at EGYPTIAN) So they're all frozen like that?

JEW 2: At least, all the Egyptians I saw. Apparently the darkness is so thick around them, they can't move.

JEW 1: AweSOME! (picks up necklace) Look, this must belong to the wife. Mrs. Evil Egyptian Dude. (he tries on necklace and speaks in a falsetto voice) Look at me, I'm an Egyptian lady. Hey, slave, go fetch me some lotus blossoms.

JEW 2: Put that down. You know Moses said we're not supposed to take anything.

JEW 1: He did?

JEW 2: This morning, at seven.

JEW 1: Oh, I was sleeping. It's not every day I get to stay in bed past seven.

JEW 2: Well, he also said we're leaving Egypt for good after the next plague, so you won't have to get up at five anymore.

JEW 1: I'm starting to like the sound of this better and better.

NEXT DAY

(JEW 1 and JEW 2 are eating their Passover meal)

JEW 1: Delicious lamb, this is.

JEW 2: Yeah, who'd have thought mutton was so good? We really missed out, not being able to eat "holy" sheep this whole time.

JEW 1: Of course, they'd have killed us if we even laid a hand on their precious sheep.

JEW 2: They still want to kill now. I could see it in their eyes.

JEW 1: But they're too afraid. (laughs) Imagine, them afraid of us.

JEW 2: Pass the bitter herbs, please.

JEW 1: Here you go. So all the firstborns are going to die in (checks watch) an hour and twenty-three minutes?

JEW 2: If you say so. My watch is a few minutes slow.

JEW 1: Is the Evil Egyptian Dude a firstborn, you think?

JEW 2: I dunno, but I can't think of anyone who deserves it more than our former Work Supervisor.

JEW 1: The matza, though, tastes like sheetrock, only not so flavorful. Are you sure we didn't have time to let it rise? I mean, we still have (looks at watch) an hour and nineteen minutes.

JEW 2: I just wanted to be sure we'd be ready. I mean, we're finally going to be free! Just one hour-

JEW 1: And nineteen minutes.

JEW 2: -And we're outta here! Like, really free. No more masters!

JEW 1: Officially free, anyway. I think we've been free inside for quite some time already.

(pause, while JEWS eat some more)

JEW 2: You know, I think we should do this every year.

JEW 1: What, eat mutton or talk about freedom?

JEW 2: (thinks about it) Both.

JEWS: (to audience) Happy Peasach, everyone!

The End.

Below is the link to Bangitout's 2008 Seder Sidekick. It is packed with some of the greatest and funniest Torah, Songs, Jokes, Top Tens, Photos for your Seder. 

Print it out achshav and prepare to be the funniest person at your Seder

Chag Kasher!

http://www.bangitout.com/BangitoutSederSidekick2008.pdf

I ain't got the time
And if my dough doesn't rise im fine
He's tried to make me eat and recline
But Pharoah wont let us go, go, go.

I'd rather be at home in Egypt as a slave
I ain't got 49 omer days
Cos there's nothing, nothing you can't find chometz on me
That I can't learn from Mr Haggadah today

Didn't get a lot in halacha class
But I know kosher for passover don't come in a shot glass

They're tryin to make me eat and recline
I said no, no, no
Yes I been slave, but the Egyptians misbehaved
You wont know, know, know.

I ain't got the time
And if my dough doesn't rise im fine
He's tried to make me eat and recline
But Pharoah wont let us go, go, go.

The Wicked Son said, why you think you here?
I said, I got no idea
Im gonna, im gonna lose my baby moses
So I always keep a bottle for 4 cups near

Said, I just think you're a slave and depressed
Kiss me, yeah baby
And go recline and rest

I'm tryin to make me eat and recline
I said no, no, no
Yes I been a slave, but the Egyptians misbehaved
You wont know, know, know

I don't ever wanna drink 4 cups again
I just, ooo, I just need a chavrusa friend
Im not gonna spend 7 weeks
Have everyone think im on the mend until Shavous

It's not just my omer
It's just til these tears have dried kal v'chomer

They're tryin to make me eat and recline
I said no, no, no
Yes I been slave, but the Egyptians misbehaved
You wont know, know, know.

I ain't got the time
And if my dough doesn't rise im fine
He's tried to make me eat and recline
But Pharoah wont let us go, go, go.

Right now he's probably saying Kiddush with a bleach white kittel,
and the seder attendee's probably getting hungry...
right now, he's probably pouring some fruity 2nd drink cause you can't shoot whiskey...(not kosher for passover)

Right now, he's probably up breaking matzah with a blessing, showing how to hide the afikoooo men...

And he don't know...(where it went)

That I dipped my parsley into the side of his pretty little saltwater of the tears we cried,
leaned my back into his leather seats...
I took a Artscroll Haggadah and recited on the yomtov lights,
Filled a hole in all 4 cups of wine...

Maybe next time he'll think before he leans.

Right now, he's probably up singing some
white-trash version of Ma Nishtana..
Right now, he's probably saying "I'm drunk"
and he's a thinking that he's gonna have to read Maggid,
Right now, he's probably dabbing on 10 drops worth of that red wine pinot
And he don't know...

That I dipped my parsley into the side of his pretty little saltwater of the tears we cried,
leaned my back into his leather seats...
I took a Artscroll Haggadah and recited on the yomtov lights,
Filled a hole in all 4 cups of wine...

Maybe next time he'll think before he leans.

I might've saved a little trouble for the next seder,
Cause the next time that he leans...

Oh, you know it won't be on marror!