On 1 Foot

Parshat Beshalach

Bangitout.com — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 01:31:56 +0100

Pharaoh: Sagar aleihem hamidbar!

G-d: Close, but no sagar.

THE END

The Chosen By Chaim Potok

Bangitout.com — Wed, 12 Jul 2006 02:06:57 +0100

Chassidic Danny and modern Orthodox Reuven befriend each other playing baseball, then chill in the library all the time studying logic and Freud.

Reuven Malther: I want to be a rabbi

Danny Saunders: My dad's a rebbe, but since he doesn't talk to me, I want to be a psychologist instead.

Reuven and Danny go to Samson Rafael Hirsh College (YU) and follow their dreams.

THE END

Pirkei Avos

Bangitout.com — Wed, 12 Jul 2006 01:28:02 +0100

Moshe: Do you mind passing down the Torah?
Joshua: Sure, Can you guys pass the Torah?
Zkainim: yeh, hey, can you pass that down?
Prophets: Pass down the Torah, no prob.
Anchcie Kneset Ha G'dola: We got it, it's coming, we are passing.
Hillel: If not now, when?

Rabbis pass down 6 chapters of gems to live by.

THE END

Masechet Baba Metzia

Bangitout.com — Wed, 12 Jul 2006 01:05:07 +0100

SHIMON: That's my talis!

LEVI: No it isnt!

SHIMON: Yes it is!

(200 pages of rabbinic debate)

LEVI: Fine, take the talis, I never wanted it anyway.

THE END

Book of Jonah

Bangitout.com — Wed, 12 Jul 2006 01:04:23 +0100

Jonah Runs away

Whale: Gulp

3 days later

Whale: Burp

THE END

Job

Bangitout.com — Wed, 12 Jul 2006 01:03:45 +0100

Job: This just sucks.

God: Yup. Get used it.

Job: Waaaah.

God: Cry baby.

THE END

Eichah

Bangitout.com — Wed, 12 Jul 2006 01:03:01 +0100

Jews crying: Why have you forsaken us?

God: No reply.

Jews: I heard that.

THE END

Megillas Esther

Bangitout.com — Wed, 12 Jul 2006 01:02:04 +0100

Haman: Kill all the Jews!

King Achashverosh: Kill all the Jews!

Queen Esther shows some leg

King Achashverosh: Save all the Jews!

Haman Dies

THE END

Haman: Kill all the Jews!

King Achashverosh: Kill all the Jews!

Queen Esther shows some leg

King Achashverosh: Save all the Jews!

Haman Dies

THE END

Koheles

Bangitout.com — Wed, 12 Jul 2006 01:01:32 +0100

King Solomon: I'm so confused ... or am I? Yes I am.

Narrarator: But fear God anyway.

THE END.

Parshas Zos Habracha

Bangitout.com — Mon, 10 Jul 2006 04:22:35 +0100

Torah: Never has there risen in Israel a prophet as Moses

Moshe Dies.

Hashem: He was an Eved Hashem

THE END

Parshas Haazeinu

Bangitout.com — Mon, 10 Jul 2006 03:58:12 +0100

Moshe sings about God's greatness, in nature etc.

God: You shall see the land from a distance, but you shall not enter.

Moshe: Was it my voice?

THE END

Parshas Vayeilech

Bangitout.com — Mon, 10 Jul 2006 03:50:29 +0100

Moshe: I am about to die

Jews: You are?

Moshe: yes.

The End.

-----------
Moshe Out of Office Reply: I will be out of the office, permanently. For immediate assistance on Judaism please contact Josh or God

THE END

Parshas Netzavim

Bangitout.com — Mon, 10 Jul 2006 03:50:11 +0100

Moshe: Every Jew is responsible for one another. Think of us as one big family.

Jews: Think of the Tax deductions!

THE END

Parshas Ki Tsavo

Bangitout.com — Mon, 10 Jul 2006 03:44:28 +0100

Torah: So a Levite, a convert, a widow and a orphan walk into your field. Give them stuff.

Levite/Convert/Widow/Orphan: Is this Heaven?

Jew: No, it's Iowa..... I mean Israel.

THE END

Parshas Ki Teitze

Bangitout.com — Mon, 10 Jul 2006 03:16:09 +0100

Soldier goes to war and takes woman, wakes up "the month after"

Man: Who are you?

Woman: Sinead O'Connor.

Man: Where is our damn son?

Woman: Getting stoned.

THE END