(seder plate, get it?)
Torah, Songs, Jokes and a Whole load of Fun
To the Tune of
Gilligan's Island
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip,
That
started when we were slaves,
on our exodus from Egypt
Moses was a mighty
holy man,
Aaron brave and
sure.
The Jewish
Nation escaped that night,
For a three day
tour, a three day tour.
The Egyptians
started getting rough,
The Red Sea had no
bridge to cross
If not for the
courage of the fearless Jew,
Our nation would
be lost, our nation would be lost.
God split the sea
and we came to shore to start a new lifestyle
With Miriam,
and Aaron too,
Under G-d's
care we did survive,
Moses our star,
The
Torah and our Israel land
Here on Passover
Night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To
the "Growing Pains" TV Theme Song
Show me that matzah again. (Show me that matzah)
Don’t eat another marror cause you'll be cryin’.
We're nowhere near the end (nowhere near)
The best is Shulchan ORECH....Oooohhh.
As long as we got the seder
We got the hagada reading right in our hands.
Baby you and me, we gotta be
The luckiest Hebrews who never quit dreamin’.
As long as we keep on reading
we can bless any cup that comes our way
Baby, Chrain or Wine, all the time
We got each other Sharin’ the seder and love
"The Matzah Show"
to the Tune of the Muppet Show
It's time to burn some chometz
It's time to bless the lights
It's time to start the seder, on the Matzah Show tonight
It's time to put on kittels
It's time to lean left, not right
It's time to raise the 4 cups, on the Matzah Show tonight
It's time to ask some questions
It's time to leave Egypt tonight
It's time to get things started on the most sensational
Inspirational, celebrational, sederational
This is what we call the Matzah Show!!!!!
(Discussion #1: How could Kermit be a plague?)
Welcome Back (Welcome back Kotter Theme Song)
Welcome back, (to the seder)
Your parents bought your ticket out. (to Miami)
Welcome back, (to the seder)
To that same old grape juices stained hagaddah that you laughed about.
Well the (kosher for Passover) brand names have all changed since you hung
around,
But constipation has remained & stale taste is still around.
Who'd have thought you’d know One?
Who'd have thought you’d know One?
Let me know when Maggid is done
Let me know when Maggid is done
Yeah we tease the seder a lot, but it’s the best time Judiasm’s got, welcome
back, welcome back, welcome back, welcome back,
(Can we vote off members of our family from the Seder yet?)
Q. “Red, Red, Wine….Stay close to me” - Why Red Wine, Bob?
Sure there is the
whole symbolic “looks like blood” thing (Jewish slaves or Pascal Lamb? You make
the call)- but the Ishbitzer Rav gives a novel interpretation: Wine, is
the product of a long process (the longer it takes, the more expensive!) From
the grape to the bottle, it goes through some long hard processes. So too, the
Jewish Nation also requires a long process toward perfection: Egyptian slavery,
then the desert, then centuries of exile and persecution. We’ve been through a
lot. But says the Ishbitzer, just like wine, the results will be sweet. This is
precisely why we always use wine for all of our holidays, a constant reminder to
this idea (and is the reason why if no wine is available on shabbos, one should
make Kiddush on the challah, as bread too is an amazing product of a long hard
process) Cheers!
Q: Isn’t drinking for Purim not Pesach?!
Don’t get bummed
if you can’t hold your wine. The Avnei Nezer feels that Pesach is a
continuation to Purim. When the Talmud (Ta’anit 29a) says “When entering Adar,
Increase your simcha”, Rashi explains that it applies to both months of
redemption, Adar and Nissan. This is a good explanation why we celebrate Purim
during the second Adar in a leap year: to keep Purim and Pesach next to each
other. Therefore, says the Avnei Nezer, the wine is a continuation of the
celebration of Purim. But know when to say when, four cups is enough!
Q: Why does Judaism always start meals with wine?
Wine is a drink
that lightens the mood and loosens people up (God knows we need all 4 cups
especially with all our family on Pesach). Our sages even say that: "There is no
simcha, (joyous occasion) without wine." However a fundamental lesson we can
take away from Kadesh, is that Judaism believes that part of our goal in life is
to find the holiness and spirituality in everything in this world. To sanctify
that which is mundane. The word "Kadesh" can also mean to separate. To mikadesh
the night with wine is to make this night, and this cup something separate,
something special, something unique. Wine is just a regular drink. But by
sanctifying wine, we are showing that we can live in the physical world, and
enjoy it, while at the same time find holiness into that very same experience.
If we use wine in the correct manner and at the correct time, it can provide the
physical and spiritual high we all are longing for. L'Chaim.
Now, as you get ready to start, check out your dad’s threads:
Q. What’s with the kittul (white cloak worn by males), this ain’t yom kippur?!
A.
Seders have a way of being
waaaay too fun, (i.e.. 4 cups of wine, wacky songs about goats, and Afikomen
blackmail) The kittel, the garment that we wear on serious occasions like Yom
Kippur, Rosh Hashana, your wedding and burial day, reminds us that while having
a blast, don’t forget the serious halachot (laws) that are required from us of
this spiritual seder night! Speaking of “spiritual”, we also have this gear on
to dress the part of an angel - All white, all spiritual, all the time (Anaheim
Angels jersey’s were equally acceptable in ‘02) The Kli Yakar has the
most amazing following explanation: the whole reason we were in Egypt in the
first place was the jealousy over the Colored Coat of Joseph. We demonstrate our
remorse for that resentment the brothers had for one another, by simply wearing
white!
Bored Already?
Here are Ten Quick
Cheesy Ways to Enhance your Seder
10. Two Words: Plague Charades
9. Preface every paragraph by saying "DID YOU KNOW..."
8. Go around the table mentioning which of the 4 sons you'd like to date
7. Sing Dayanu to the tune of Labamba (Di, Di, Di, Di Di Aynu!)
6. To get kids really asking questions, cancel Seder... in favor of Séance
5. Each paragraph you read finish off with a reporter sign off - “And now
back to you, Elijah!”
4. Promise $1000 to the first kid who finds Moshe's name in the Haggadah twice
3. Ask, "If you were an Egyptian stranded on an island, and you could only
have one plague for the rest of your life which one would it be?"
2. Sing a Jewish holiday song that has nothing to do with Passover, see if
anyone notices.
1. Spontaneous Seder Table Wave
Cheesy Seder Joke:
Q: What do you call a very expensive Jewish wine?
A: "Honey, I wannnnnnnnnaaa to go to Flaaaahridaah for da seders this year!!!!! "
To
the "Three's Company" Theme Song
Come and knock on our
door ...
We've been waiting for you ...
Where the 5th cup is yours and yours and yours,
Eliyahu's company, too!
Come join us for our sedor...
Take 15 steps that are new ...
We've lived in galus that now needs your hatzolos,
Eliyahu's coming IY"H soon.
You'll see that life is a seder and Jerusalem is calling for you ...
Israel's our rendez-vous,
Eliyhu's coming now Nu!
Quotable Quotes
"Wine is a constant proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy". - Benjamin Franklin
"What though youth gave us love and roses,age still leaves us friends and wine." - Thomas Moore
"A meal without wine is like a day without sunshine". - Anthelme Brillat Savarin
"No thing more excellent nor more valuable than wine was ever granted mankind by God". - Plato
"Wine is bottled poetry". - Robert Louis Stevenson
"Good wine is a good familiar creature if it well used". - Shakespeare
"What is better than to sit at the end of a day and drink wine with friends, or substitute for friends". - James Joyce
A familiar song to
sing while you wash:
You put your right hand in,
You put your right hand out,
You put your right hand in and you wash it all about,
you do the Hamotzei Pokey and you dry off your hands
That’s what urchatz is all about! Huh, where’s the Bread?
Q.
Wait, why are we washing our hands for vegetables?
At this point,
you may think to yourself, “IM GONNA BE FREAKIN STARVING!” knowing this from
past seders, you may feel the need to munch down on as much Carpas as humanly
possible. (Carpas Eating Champion Seder ‘98) but tonight you are a free man, you
are not a slave. That includes being a slave to your stomach! So we push off our
appetizer, and wash our hands to demonstrate that we are not slaves to our
impulsive eating habits. Rav Nachman of Breslov says the Hebrew word
“Rachitz” in Aramaic means “Trust”, because we should trust in Hashem, as we
wash now, that no matter what our meal consists, of even if its just a little
parsley twig, that G-d’s “got our back” when it comes to the nourishment and
survival of the Jewish people, and there is more in store for us; namely some
good brisket.
Story:
When Rav Itzeleh Wooker
observed one of his students grabbing for the largest piece of potato, he said
to him “How can tonight be a night of celebrating freedom, if you are still an
Eved to a Potato!” (side note: great band name “Potato Slave”)
Q. Why Wash?
Let your HANDS take the first step!:
R’ Yitzchak
Mirsky, in his Hegyoni Halachah Haggadah, writes about the significance
of Urechatz- of the additional washing of one’s hands before eating
vegetables on the night of the Seder. In Mesachet Sottah 4B it
says, “one who takes the Mitzvah of washing one’s hands lightly will be
removed from the world.” The Ba’er Hatav comments that even if one is
normally vigilant about washing his hands before eating bread (and the
Maateh Yosef says that this also applies to washing before eating
vegetables), but disregards this Mitzvah purposely just one time, he is
still liable to the punishment set forth in the Gemarah.
The question arises though as to why the Gemarah stipulates such a strict
punishment, even for missing the Mitzvah just once?!
The Maharal of Prague says that there is deep symbolism involved when one
washes his hands for the purpose of a Mitzvah. Hands represent the
beginning of the human body, for when one stretches out his hands to reach
forward or above, it is the hands that are at the front or at the top of the
body. The Maharal explains that that the way one begins an action greatly
influences the direction and tone of all that follows from that point, and
therefore, even a seemingly insignificant sin, but one involving the “bodily
leader,” is particularly wrong, for a misguided beginning will lead to an
incomplete and incorrect conclusion. On Pesach, the Maharal
continues, we should be extremely careful in our observance of this idea, for
Pesach is the annual point of beginning for everything that exists, in all
times.
At this time of beginning and renewal, R’ Mirsky concludes, it is essential to
remind ourselves of the importance of a correct beginning in any action and
endeavor we undertake- something which is symbolized by the additional washing
of our hands at the Seder. (Matt Kreiger, Monroe, NY)
LEAN
BACK (to the tune by TERROR SQUAD)
I sing my nigguns so dance,
We just dip parsley or any green edible plants,
Eat the matzaway…
Now lean back, lean back, lean back, lean back.
Springtime for Karpas
Q. Why is Passover in the springtime?
This was no coincidence; in fact it was a blessing. G-d could have taken us out
of bondage in the cold of winter or the heat of summer, but instead G-d took us
out in perfect weather, Spring! The color green of karpas reminds us of this
small detail, and helps us recognize that G-d went “above and beyond” in every
aspect of our redemption, even the weather forecast.
Q.
Excuse me, Did you just double dip?
An interesting remembrance of dipping twice is to recall our coming and going
from Egypt. Recall the first Jew to Egypt, Yosef, was sold by his brothers. They
masked the sale to their father by dipping his coat in blood to appear that he
was killed. It’s fitting then that we left Egypt with a second dipping: the
hyssop branch into blood to spread on our doorways before the final plague to
the firstborn. Good thing, nowadays, we just use salt water…
Saltwater Taffy
Q. Why Green in Saltwater?
Parsley, or whatever insane vegetable minhag your seder is using, usually is of
the green persuasion, which is a color that symbolizes growth and the continuous
rebirth of life. Well, that or God is one heck of a Boston Celtics fan. We dip
our green in the saltwater to signify that life is growth, but even those things
which come up that appear bitter -- a bad grade, a broken relationship, a boring
seder -- are ultimately for the best. The distinction between sweet and sour is
only clear when we have gone through both. Life is Tangy, like sweet and sour
chicken or saltwater taffy. Next year, let's use Green Sour-Stix!
Give me a Kaf, Give me a Reish.....
The letters of the word Karpas hint to us to be giving people to those in need:
|
Sounds |
Letter |
Meaning |
|
Ka |
Kaf |
Palm of hand |
|
R |
Reish |
One who is impoverished |
|
Pa |
Peh |
Mouth |
|
S |
Samech |
To support |
Stupid seder joke:
Q. When it comes to Karpas, who is the real KING of Passover?
A. Elvis Parsley!!
Yachatz
(to
the tune of Kit Kat Bar)
Gimme a Break
Gimmea Break
Break me off a piece of that
Middle Matza PLEASE
(Theme from The reality show Apprentice, Money)
Matzah Matzah Matzah Matzah……Matzah!
Breaking Up is Hard to do
Yachatz means
“Break apart”, Yachad means “Come together”, the only letter difference are the
ending letters Daled and Tzadik, which makes sense, since that spells “Dates.”
(Bangachuver Rav discourses)
Q.
Why 3 matza's -- Who knows Three? Why the Middle Matza?
There are many 3's in Judaism: Avraham, Yizchak, Yaakov -- Cohain, Levi,
Yisroel, -- Bang, It, Out. Can you name 3 more?
The
Incredible, Edible Egg!
Sure it’s high in
protein, but there has got to be a better reason to take an Egg-break. Bang
this: an Egg is one of the few foods that hardens when you heat it up. So are
the Jews – The slavery and persecution we have endured throughout the years has
only strengthened our longevity and eternal connection with Hashem. Want my
yolk?
Q.
Why don't we make a specific blessing on Sipur Yetzias Mitzraim (Telling over
the story of Egypt)? It’s a MITZVAH! Right?
A
well-known answer to this question is that there is no end (“Ayn Sof”) to the
amount that one can say. However Sfas Emes says something different: He
asks similarly, why don't we make a bracha on tzedaka (charity) or Kibud
Av (Honoring one’s parents)? Because these are things that come second nature
to us, things that we know are good by nature and don't need a brocha to remind
us of them (Mitzvas Sichli). The same applies to sipur tetzias mitzraim.
It's such an amazing Nais (miracle), that it's ingrained in us so that we don't
need a bracha to make it something holy, just like tzedaka and honoring ones
parents. Its intrinsic. (Michael Parker, LA)
Q.
Why is Passover voted the most popular Jewish Holiday of all time?
Put simply: Passover gets such good ratings because the seder is MUST SEE
reality TV at its finest. All other Jewish holidays can basically be put into 2
categories: Either Sad or Happy. Purim - Happy. Tishabav - sad. Passover is
different because it is a story, or a soap opera filled with ups and downs;
happiness, freedom, fulfillment, tradition mixed with sadness and sorrow and
overcoming all obstacles. When opposites are put together you can recognize both
much more clearly then when they stand alone. Everyone can relate to this,
because everyone has good times and bad times. Someone get this holiday a pilot
episode!
Scizophrenia!!!
Everything tonight has a dual aspect to it – Slavery and Freedom - spend a few minutes before you start and figure out if you can explain the dual meanings to the following essential Seder things:
Q: Bread of our Affliction?- What happened to the Freedom aspect?
Didn’t we just mention that Matzah has two symbolisms? It was the poor bread that we were forced to eat during our bitter years of slavery in Egypt. And it was the bread of redemption that we had we ate as we hastened us out of Egypt into freedom! Why is only one of these mentioned here? And if only one is to be mentioned, surely the more appropriate one would be the positive one? Discuss....
Questions Breed Questions:
Noam Zion makes an important and interesting observation about the importance of questions, and links the Mah Nishtana to the Four Sons. It isn't always important how much you know or what you learned -sometimes the most important part of the pedagogic process is which questions you ask (and which you don't). However, it isn't just important to have a question, but to have someone who will take it seriously and give a thoughtful response. You can only ask a good question if you feel you are respected and taken seriously. Perhaps it's important to encourage children (and adults) to ask all manner of questions at the seder and not just the ones programmed into the evening. Questions breed questions...which will lead to more learning! ASK AWAY!!! (Edie Aviva Molot, Jerusalem Israel)
The Ma Nishtana in Ebonics
Why iz dis here night be different from all otha nights, ya dig sucka?
On all otha nights o' da year we's eat breads an' matzzile an' dis here night we's only eat stale matzas? beeotch
On all da otha nights o' da new years we's eat all types o' greens an' on dis here night we's eat marror? slap mah fro!
On all other nights o' da year we's never dip, but on dis here night we's dip twice? dang
On all other nights o' da year we's be sitting or reclining laid back, but on dis here night we's lean way back?
The Ma Nishtana in Yiddish
Tateh (or zayde), ikh vill dir fregen die vier kashes.
Der Ershte kashe ikh vill dir fregen:Far vus is der nakht von Pesakh andisht von alle nakht von a ganze yahr? Far vus alle nakht von a ganze yahr as mir villen, essen mir khometz, und as mir villen, essen mir matzoh, aber der nakht von Pesakh essen mir nur matzoh?
Aber kein khometz turen mir nisht essen. Hab ikh dir gefregt ein kashe.
Der zweite kashe ikh vill dir fregen: Far vus alle nakht von a ganze yahr as mir villen essen mir bissere grinsen, und as mir villen essen mir zissergrinsen? Aber der nakht von Pesakh essen mir nur bissere grinsen. Hab ikh dir gefregt zwei kashes.
Der dritte kashe ikh vill dir fregen: Far vus alle nakht von a ganze yahr tinken mir ein mul ekhnit eyn? Aber der nakht von Pesakh tinken mir eyn zwei mul? Ein mul tsibele in zalz vasser, und der zweite mul khrain and kharoset. Hab ikh dir gefregt drei kashes. Der vierte kashe ikh vill dir fregen:
Far vus alle nakht von a ganze yahr as mir willen essen mir ziztendik, und as mir willen essen mir ungeshpart? Aber
der nakht von Pesakh essen mir alle ungeshpart? Yetzt hab ikh dir gefregt alle vier kashes. Heint entfir
mir ein tiretz von alle vier kashes.
The Ma Nishtana in Spanish
(not really accurate)
¿Por qué esta noche es diferente de todas las otras noches?
¿En todas las otras noches nosotros comemos pan y matzah, pero esta noche que comemos sólo matzoh?
¿En todas las otras noches nosotros comemos cualquier clase de verduras, pero esta noche por qué comemos
nosotros hierbas amargas?
¿En todas las otras noches nosotros no mojamos generalmente un alimento en otro, por qué esta noche - dos
veces?
¿En todas las otras noches nosotros comemos o sentar o inclinar, por qué nosotros nos inclinamos en una
almohada esta noche?
Top Ten Most Popular Jewish Questions of all Time
10. Are you sure you had enough to eat?
9. How
long ago did we eat meat?
8. Why aren’t you married yet?
7. What
time did Shabbos start?
6. But is it a hot Kiddush?
5. Do you take credit card?
4. You
paid how much?!
3. What kind of question is that?
2. Mincha?
1. Oh, you’re from (fill in any city in the world), Do you know….?
Some More questions? JEWISH JEOPARDY! We give the answer, you give the question!
A: Midrash
Q: What is a Middle east Skin disease?
A; The Gaza Strip
Q: What is an Egyptian Belly Dance?
A: A classroom, a
Passover ceremony, and a latke
Q: What are a cheder, a seder, and a tater?
A: Sofer
Q: On what do Jews recline on Passover?
A: Babylon
Q: What does the rabbi do during some sermons?
A: Filet Minyan
Q: What do you call steaks ordered by 10 Jews?
A: Kishka, sukkah, and
circumcision
Q: What are a gut, a hut and a cut?
And speaking of
circumcisions: An enterprising Rabbi is offering circumcisions via the internet.
The service is to be called... "E-MOIL."
(forwarded to bangitout.com by Elisheva Cantor)
Cheesy Seder Joke
A British Jew
is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen. He is to kneel in front of her
and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her
sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment
and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence
he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder: "Ma
nishtana ha layla ha zeh mi kol ha laylot."
Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers, "Why is this knight
different from all other knights?"
To the
tune of "We didn't Start the Fire" By Billy Joel
Kadesh, Orchatz
Karpas, Yachatz,
Maggid, Rachtza, Motzei Matzah.--
Maror, Korech,
Shulchan Orech,
Tsafoon,
Baraich,
Hallel, Nitrzah!
We didn’t start the seder,
The Hagadah has always been our script
Since the Jews left Egypt
We didn’t steal the afikomen
No we didn't eat it
But we tried to hide it
(additional verses) Burn your Chometz, after you search,
Bedika, blowtorch,
Fill up, your first cup of wine,
Throw on your kittel,
Kiddush time
Stand up, say the prayer,
Shechiaunu, for the new year,
Lean to the Left,
Drink it slow,
Realize you got four cups to go!
We didn’t start the seder,
The Hagadah has always been our script
Since the Jews left Egypt
We didn’t steal the afikomen
No we didn't eat it
But we tried to hide it
Chad Gad Ya, Who knows one,
That’s it,
The seder’s done
Is
there any point in this “All night learning in Bnei-Brak”? Throw me a bone
here! (shankbone preferably)
The 5 Rabbis
(Rabbi Eliezer, Rabbi Yehoshua, Rabbi Elazar Ben Azaryah, Rabbi Akiva, and Rabbi
Tarfon) who sat up all night in B’nei Brak discussing the seder, until their
alarm clock students came to inform them that it was time to say the morning
“Kriat Shema.” The length of their exposition is extraordinary unto itself, but
even more amazing when you see who these Rabbis are. Their names appear
throughout the Talmud, so it is no surprise that they can engage in lengthy
discourse on matters of Judaism. But this particular conversation was
important, because as they went over the Haggadah, telling of how Hashem had
saved their forefathers, they could have technically been called liars.
Yep. L I A R S. See, none of them were descended from slaves. All of their
ancestors had either been converts, who obviously had not been in Egypt at the
time, or from the tribe of Levi (including Kohanim), which Egypt had exempted
from slavery, as the Priestly class. So while we are commanded to see ourselves
as if we, today, were being brought out of Egypt like our forefathers, these
Sages would have thought back to their ancestors’ lives of relative luxury! How
could they possibly be so involved in a story that didn’t directly concern them
or their family!
From here, we learn a powerful lesson about Passover, and ourselves. The Jewish people is one entity- though we have different names, and occupy (vastly) different branches of the family tree, we are still inter-connected, and our fates inextricably tied to one another. If one Jew suffers, than it is incumbent upon all of us to alleviate that suffering. (Of course, though possibly on a different level, the same applies to all mankind- we share our world and origins, and are required to help anyone we can). Something that happens to our proverbial neighbor most definitely concerns us. This unity of experience, and consequent unity of purpose, should drive us every day, just as it drove those Rabbis, who rather than saying, “At least my family wasn’t enslaved,” proclaimed, “My people was enslaved- my brethren were oppressed- let us celebrate their redemption and ours, and let us pray for G-d to redeem us again!”
And indeed that is the lesson of Passover- the Jewish people seem to be the most adept in the world at drawing lines between one Jew and his fellow. We incorrectly allow our external differences to indicate that we are different inside, as well- and thus we are enslaved by our own conflicts. Let us learn the lessons of the seder- free ourselves from our self-imposed slavery by recognizing that unity in our people can bring the ultimate redemption. (Steven Schwartzberg, NY, NY )
Song time: TO THE
"CHEERS" THEME SONG
Making your seder
in Florida today takes every penny you've got.
Taking a tax break
from all your school tuitions, sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like
to get away?
Sometimes you want
to go, where everybody knows your last name,
and they're always
related in some way.
You wanna be where
you can see, that other people paid the same (for Miami hotel)
You wanna be where
everybody knows where you're stayin. (Fountain Bleau)
You wanna go where
people are showy, Brooklyn in Florida is all the same,
You wanna go where
everybody flies business class on the plane.
You want to go
where people know, the boardwalk is packed Chol Hamoed
You want to go
where everybody knows your brother's sister's husband's cousin's butcher's
wife's rabbi's brother's name.
Q “I am like a man of 70?” Huh?
Gemara in Brachos tells us the background of this quote. Rav Elazar ben Azaria, was actually an 18 year old Talmudic genius, and he had been chosen to become the Nasi (President of the Rabbinate). When he came home and told his wife, she tried very hard to dissuade him from accepting the offer because of all of the headaches associated with the gig. He then tells her: "Should one not drink out of a crystal glass for fear of it breaking?" ( yes, that is up there for the coolest Talmud oneliners of all time). Bottom line: You can't use the possibility of something going wrong as an excuse to not try it out. Which ultimately led his wife to say to him “But even so, how can you be the Nasi, you're beard isn't even white!”.. That night Hashem turned Rabbi Elazar Ben Azaryah’s beard white as indicated in the Hagaddah—“I am Like a man of Seventy Years old” Keshivim shana (he was only 18 but suddenly overnight he looked like he was 70). Remember this: You want something bad enough, nothing can hold you back, the Ribono ShelOlam makes sure of it. (Michael Parker, Los Angeles, CA)
Rabbi Shimon Shwab asks the question, what is with the Name “Makom” used here as G-d's name, usually the name "Makom" is used in moments of terrible loss. For example, in the house of a mourner one uses the term “HaMakom Yinachaym Etchem…” “May G-d Comfort you..." Another instance, is in the verse of “Acheyinu Kol Bais Yisroel ….Hamakom Yirachaym Alayhem," which speaks about G-d helping out Israel from our lowest times. So what's the deal? That name seems to be only used in places where you think G-d is not. And judging by all the learning, discussion and cheesy bangitout Torah jokes tonight, G-d is certainly in da house! Rabbi Shwab clears it up for us with the following - Really we invoke the name of Makom in times when we need to recognize most that G-d has a master plan for us even when we are at our wit's end, during the most confusing and hardest moments in life. We realize that in some way it is all for the best, and we praise G-d with this name at those instances. At the seder, when we mention an Evil Son, the Rasha one might be quick to think that Judaism just gives up on those kids. Not so - in fact we praise G-d here for those type of kids. The Hagadah invokes the name of Hamakom here to remind us that even for the most far off, terrible and seemingly hopeless of children, we are reminded that G-d has an ultimate plan. SO BLESS TO THAT
The Missing Son: The Lubovitcher Rebbi ZT”L always said there is a fifth son we must also teach, that is the son who doesn’t even make it to the seder table dinner.
Top Ten Other Sons left out of the Passover Seder:
10. The "30-year-old-still-single" Son, If he would just get a date, Dayienu
9. The Brovender's Daughter just home for Pesach, ready to prove she's smarter
than all 4 sons put together
8. The Alcoholic Son, "Can we get a little more wine in this Charoset please?"
7. The "Watching TV during the 2nd Seder" Son, who just announced he is making
aliyah (after learning the NHL playoffs conflict)
6. The Moshav Granola Son, who finds the murdering of innocent parsley stalks
offensive
5. The "Scummy" Son, who is so bad that yeshivish girls can't help but find him
attractive
4. The "Fallen off the face of the Planet" Son, nobody knows where he has been
but always shows up for the holidays with new facial hair
3. The Feminine Son, who asks "Does anyone mind if I sing Mah Nishtana to the
tune of Rent?" (Why is my son different from all other sons?)
2. The "I love long D'var Torahs so that I can brag to my friends how late my
seder went" Son
1. The Miami Beach Sun
Do
you know One? How about Three sixty six?
Got Math?
Let’s see:
Jews don’t do violence – what’s with knocking out the wicked son’s teeth? It’s
to teach him a lesson. The numerical value of Rasha (Wicked) is 570. The
numerical value of Tzadik (Righteous) is 204. Q: What’s the difference between
the two? A: The wicked son’s teeth! (Sheinav) 366. The Wicked son is sitting at
the seder table and not listening to the story or the message of Passover. He is
actively excluding himself with his statements (“What is this that you
are doing?”) What do you do to get him to stop making snide remarks? Keep him
quiet by taking out his teeth. If the Wicked son lost his teeth
(570-366=…) he’d pay attention to the miracles, begin to understand why we are
doing the seder, and maybe get a big righteous (204!)
Speaking of Wicked Sons…
Top Ten Ways To
Know the Guy your daughter brought home for the Passover Seder isn't gonna work
out
10. Hides the afikomen in his pants
9. Won't stop asking when the Latkas are going to be served
8. When welcoming Elijah he checks the chimney
7. After fourth time calling your wife "Ma' Nishtana" still hopes to get a laugh
6. In return for the Afikomen, he asks to see your Tax Returns
5. To comply with the Hagadah, he punches the person who reads the "Wicked Son"
in the mouth
4. You are at the third cup of wine, he's on number 9
3. After the afikomen is stolen, he starts pocketing silverware
2. When everyone points to the Marror, he points directly at you
1. As a gift, he brings fresh baked Challah
"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." - Groucho Marx
An
Aramean Sought to do Destroy us?? Guess what, Thanks!
Anyone have any clue where this quote is originally from? It is actually found
in the Torah (dvarim 26:5) in regards to Bikkurim, the commandment to bring your
first fruits to the Temple. So, as my 8th grade rebbi used to ask,
what’s that got to do with the price of tea in China? (regional variant: Bejip)
There is a close connection between bikkurim and the seder night. Both are
offerings of thanks to G-d for his generosity! Saving our lives from Egypt, and
blessing us with fruit! R’ Yerachamiel Yisroel of Alexander says that both
mitzvot have a Talking obligation, by bikkurim the commandment is to “respond
and declare” praise when bringing your fruit goodies, so too on seder night,
where we are all about talking. The more one talks, the more praiseworthy! Hey
that’s the name of the holiday: Peh Sach= The mouth speaks!
Story Time!
There was once a
crazed man who broke into to the study of the Maharal of Prague. He whipped out
a knife and said, “I hear you can do miracles, old Man, let’s see you jump out
this window before I stab you!” The Maharal looked up from his study and
replied, “That is no miracle. Come outside and I will show you how I can jump
up to the window!” The man was convinced and once they walked outside, the
insane man was easily apprehended.
This ability of the Jewish people to spring up from the depths has been evidenced throughout our history. (cue the Klezmer background music) Numerous nations have fallen and we have persevered. Jews have reversed the pattern of falling from avdut to chairyt time and again most recently from the Holocaust to Israeli Statehood. (cue the Israeli Yoya background music)
We have an extra month, Adar Sheni, to ensure that Pesach is in the Spring- a time of rebirth, when nature which seems lifeless in winter comes alive again. So too, we as a nation affirm that we can arise from the depths.
Examining the 4 questions of the Ma Nishtana of course prompts more questions, one of which relates to this concept of rebirth. How do we as a people transition from a state of oppression- symbolized by the matzah and maror mentioned in the 1st question- to a state of freedom- symbolized by the dipping and leaning referred to in the last questions? Perhaps, the answer can be found in the words of the Hagaddah that shortly follow the Ma Nishtana: "Tzei U'lemad" ("Go and Learn"). Although it may take a lifetime to grapple with this question and come to some type of understanding, Pesach, a time of renewal, is a good time to start. (Suri Grussgott, Philadelphia, Pa)
Stupid Seder Joke:
"Aren't
you Moses?"
George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe
with a long flowing white
beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone
tablets under the other arm.
George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?"
The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.
George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's
view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?"
The man continued to peruse the ceiling.
George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?"
The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am".
George W. asked him why he was so uppity and the man replied, "The last time I
spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert".
Song
time: To the Theme of GOLDEN GIRLS
Thank you for being Hashem
took us to Egypt and back again
you brought us out
with a "mighty hand" and an "outstretched arm"
(bum bum bum)
and if you only gave us Shabbos
we would still say DAYEINU
but you took us through a sea
so our nation could be free
and tonight i gotta say
Thank You for Being Hashem .
Stupid seder joke:
Q. What's the difference between matzoh and cardboard??
A. Cardboard doesn't leave crumbs in the rug!!
PASSOVER BEHIND BARS
A R' Pesach Krohn Story
Rabbi Arye Levene
Z”TL, the famous Jerusalem rabbi known as the “Tzaddick in our Time” for his
unparalleled kindness, used to frequently visit Jewish inmates in prisons in
Jerusalem (Grandfather of the great R’ Abraham Levene of Lower Merion, PA) .
After Pesach he asked the prisoners if they were able to have a real Passover
Seder in their incarcerated state. They responded “Yes, everything was exactly
the same, except when it came time for the cup of Elijah; they didn’t let us
open the front doors!!!!!”
"And what about freedom, did you feel like free men?” asked Rabbi Levene. The inmates, locked behind bars, were a bit confused. Rabbi Levene explained that a true free man isn’t necessary a physical thing, but rather a mental state. Someone who is free is someone who has full control over his own thoughts and ultimately his actions. No urge, passion or external influence has any power over a free man’s man. Freedom, Chairus, doesn’t mean life of Hefkerut (lawlessness), it is means a life of true control over one’s thoughts, desires, and actions. No matter where one is, being free is all a state of mind.
Some Additional Cheesy PASSOVER SEDER Enhancers:
10 When that Dayanu
song begins, so does the musical chairs game
9. Each time the word "Egypt" is mentioned you and grandma do a shot of
Manishevitz
8. Following every long paragraph, you break in to a quick stanza of "ONE IS
HASHEM!"
7. When someone asks a question, you answer with a Magic Eight Ball
6. Bnei Brak Learning paragraph is a good time for a Lionel Ritchie's "All Night
Long" sing along
5. Keep asking for Latkas
4. Go around the table and have the grandparents which one of the SONS they were
like when they were kids.
3. Sing Britney Spears' "Slave for you" at any point during the seder
2. Instead of hiding the afikomen, you eat it.
1 The obvious: Walk like an Egyptian
The
Frogs Song
One day king Pharaoh awoke in his bed,
There were frogs in his bed and frogs on his head.
Frogs on his nose and frogs on his toes.
Frogs here, frogs there,
Frogs were jumping everywhere.
Unnecessary Roughness?
What’s with all
the violence? Couldn’t G-d just have used a stun gun on the Egyptians, while the
Jews slipped out the back door? Why was our epic exodus from the Egypt
virtually rated R for graphic violence? Perhaps the answer to this question
may also answer another popular question on Seder night. In the hagaddah we read
“If it weren’t for G-d taking us out we would still be slaves to Pharaoh till
this very day.” Ok, you have to admit that does sounds a little farfetched.
When is the last time you heard of a Pharaoh being a world superpower?
Rabbi Shlomo Einhorn of Scarsdale explains the following: In psychology, there is a disorder called the Stockholm Syndrome. The syndrome was made famous in the Early 80s by Patti Hearst, the granddaughter of newspaper baron William Randolph Hearst. Patti Hearst was kidnapped by the Symbianese Liberation Army, locked in a closet and beaten repeatedly. The insane part of the story is that as a result of this traumatic experience Hearst ended up joining the group, and fighting for their cause! The phenomenon became known as the Stockholm Syndrome. Because of her intense trauma and degradation she became dependent upon her captors and ultimately came to identify with them.
The generally accepted approach in psychology to reverse the effects of the syndrome is what is called “destructive therapy.” The therapy destroys the feelings of identification with the captor by tearing down any feelings of dependency upon the captor. This can be done by ripping up pictures of the captor, for instance, or showing the weakness of the captor him or herself. The power held over the helpless victim is shattered, and the victim comes to the realization that he or she is not dependent upon the captor.
Perhaps, explains Rabbi Einhorn, this is why G-d had to be so harsh with our Egyptian captors. If Egypt had not been completely destroyed the Jews would always suffer from a form of Stockholm Syndrome. Physically, we might be someplace in Teaneck, but psychologically we’d always feel an element of dependency – wondering if perhaps if we still owe some of their lives to Pharaoh and the Egyptians. We would still “be Slaves to Pharaoh.” Instead with the brutal ten plagues, we left those feelings behind us in Egypt, to be buried with our Egyptian tormentors. (This was adapted from a mibayit.com article written by Rabbi Shlomo Einhorn of Scarsdale, NY)
Top Ten Plagues That Didn't Quite Make It...
10. Persistently high
interest rates
9. Incapacitating flatulence
8. Pan-Arab democracy
7. Bennifer
6. Not-so-Super Bowls
5. Low-carb, Atkins-manna diet
4. No cell phone reception in Pharaoh's Palace
3. Hooked-on-Pharaoh Phonics
2. Pyramid squatting
1. Radio stations playing 'Walk Like an Egyptian' 24-7
Q. ILLOGICAL LYRIC ALERT: Coming to Mount Sinai without getting the Torah, Dayanu?
Notice for a second, while your jamming out this Greatest Seder Hit tune, the line “If G-d would have brought us before Mount Sinai and not give us the Torah – Dayaynu.” Huh? Going to a mountain, where is the value in that? This makes literally zero sense - Without the Torah, there is no Mount Sinai – it would have just been another little mountain in the middle of desertville. With all the other things mentioned in the lyrics they each have sufficient points in this song to say Dayanu, as there is obvious intrinsic value to things like getting shabbos, or splitting the sea, going to Israel – but where’s the value in just going to a mountain? (nature hike anyone?) Rabbi Yerucham of the MIR Yeshiva writes that the value of going to Mount Sinai was to teach the Jewish People the importance of preparation for all things in life, specifically the Torah. Going to the Mountain was the first time the Jewish people were taught how to prepare for something spritiual, to think ahead, and to get ready. Prepping yourself isn’t something to take lightly, (e.g., whole purpose of Sefirah!) – specifically Pesach (cue the Thank you to your Host!) but getting pumped, psyched, and excited about something as awesome as the spiritual aspects of Judaism, the more ahead you prepare the more amazing experience it will be.
Koban Pesach Song (to Mary had a little lamb)
Moshe had a Pascal lamb
Pascal lamb , Pascal lamb
Moshe had a Pascal lamb
His doorpost was red as rose
Q Why is Marror listed last in the PESACH, MATZA MARROR trilogy?
Marror represents the bitterness that we find in life, and although its easy to appreciate pesach and the matza (representing our freedom), its ultimately hardest to recognize that the pain in life, the marror, is also for our best. Being last is a indicator that we sometimes can only "look back" on the bad things in life and realize they are what made us the people we are today. When we reach that level, we will find the sweetness even in the marror.
“In
Every Generation” MAKE BELIEVE or REALITY?
“Bechol dor Vador
Chayav Adam Liros es Atzmo KeIlu hu Yatza Mimitzrayim”
We say “In each generation a person should see himself as if he came out of
Egypt”
This statement appears in the Mishna (Pesachim) In the Gemara there, Rava adds
that you also have to say VeOsanu Hotzi Misham "He took us out of there." Both
these phrases are said in the Haggada in the Paragraph which begins Bechol Dor
vaDor.
What does Rava's statement add to what the Mishna said? It seems that he is
repeating what just a moment before!
I think that the answer is found in the Pesukim that the Haggada quotes.
First we say "Keilu" At the seder we “make believe” that we were the ones to come out of Egypt even though we were never there! But that is how the Torah wants us to perform the Mitzva of telling the story of Yetzias Mitzrayim. As it says "Vehigadeta Levincha... Baavur Ze Asa Hashem Li Betzeisi Mimizrayim. "You will tell your son...because of this Hashem did for me when I came out of Egypt." HELLO! I can never be one of the Yotzei Mitzrayim because that happened over 3000 years ago!!! I can only try and relive the experience on Seder night as if I came out of Mitzrayim
But then Rava comes along with another Pasuk. “VeOsanu Hotzi Misham Lemaan Havi Osanu Lases Lanu Es Haaretz..." “And He took us out of there in order to bring us and give us the land that he promised our fathers." Here we are talking about the ultimate aim of Yetzias Mitzrayim which is to come to Eretz Yisrael as was promised to Avraham Yitzchak and Yaakov. The generation who came out of Mitzrayim did not merit to enter Eretz Yisrael. They all died in the desert after the sin of the spies. The next generation who entered the land, did not do so in the way that had been promised to Avraham Yitzchak and Yaakov and so we were exiled and until today we have never taken possession of Eretz Yisrael completely and ultimately. In other words the process of Yetzias Mitzrayim has not yet reached its ultimate conclusion!
So who are the ones to complete the mission and to be brought to Eretz Yisrael for the final conquest of the land? Rava tells us that we must say VeOsanu And He took US out in order to bring US to the land. At this point there is no more make believe, it really is us! We are the ones who can complete the process. Its up to us to be worthy!! (R’ Ilan Segal, Har Nof Jerusalem)
Back to the Future :
True
freedom is freedom from limitation - whether external or internal,
whether physical psychological or spiritual. 'Mitzrayim' the Hebrew word
for "Egypt" means 'boundaries' and 'constrictions'; 'Yetziat mitrazyim,
'going out of Egypt" is the endeavor to transcend limitation to rise above
all that inhibits the soul of man. One of the most constricting elements of the
human condition is the phenomenon of time. Time carries off the past and
holds off the future, confining our lives to a temporal sliver of 'present'
But on the first night of Passover, we break the bonds of time, having
received a mandate to experience the Exodus 'as if he himself has come out
of Egypt" We recall the Exodus in our minds, verbalize it in the telling of the
Haggadah, digest it in the form of Matzah and Maror. As we Passover the
centuries, memory - these faded remnants of the past that generally
constitute our only answer to the tyranny of time - becomes experience and
history is made current and real.(sentin by Avi Korn Philadelphia PA,(from
Chabad)
Before
we make the bracha on the second cup of wine, we say a long bracha in which we
thank Hashem for redeeming us and our ancestorsfrom Egypt and enabling us to
reach this night of Pesach so we can eat matzah and maror. We continue on to
implore Hashem that we willcelebrate other holidays in peace and joy and
experience the rebuilding of Jerusalem. As the closure to this bracha (the
chotem), we thank Hashem for redeeming us (ga'al Yisrael). Why do we say this
bracha after Maggid and before eating? Why don't we say it at the beginning of
Maggid, perhaps with the first cup of wine? Don't we generally make brachot
before performing mitzvot? If so, making a bracha after the mitzvah of telling
the story of the Exodus from Egypt seems to be backwards!
The Chatam Sofer, a great rabbi of the 18th-19th centuries, explains the reason
for the precise placement of this bracha, "ga'al Yisrael".We cannot say this
bracha prior to Maggid because at that point we were still slaves to Pharoah in
Egypt. When a person converts to Judaism the process culminates in immersion in
the mikvah, but whereas a person dipping in the mikvah usually makes a bracha
before doing so,the convert only does after emerging from the mikvah. S/He
cannot do so before because s/he was not Jewish before! Similarly, we cannot
praise and thank Hashem for redeeming us before we were actuallyredeemed. The
Maggid is the process that brings us from enslavementto freedom. DRINK UP!
(Edie Aviva Molot, Jerusalem, Israel)
The Haggadah relays that we had to leave hastily from Egypt (the first time we used the “religion” excuse to leave work early), for had we delayed any longer in Egypt, we would not have been rescued. Why the big rush? The Slonimer Rebbe explains that Moshe understood this concept from the burning bush. In Exodus, we find he approached out of curiosity to find out why the bush was not being consumed by the fire.(Similar to realizing your chometz aren’t burning because you wrapped them in tin foil) Although there is no direct response to this curiosity, G-d tells Moshe to remove his shoes, for he is standing in a holy place. The Rebbe of Slonim teaches the burning bush showed Moshe an analogy to the Jewish people. Although they were in the fires of impurity in Egypt, they would never be consumed as long as they had a shred of holiness. When they were on the 49th level of impurity, one level from losing all holiness, they had to be saved lest they become completely consumed by the impurity of the Egyptians.
So you might ask yourself: Why the big procrastination? Why couldn’t G-d have given started the salvation a little earlier? Heck, if we had enough time to let our dough rise, we could be eating bagels right now!
The answer goes back to the bush. A seed sprouts into a shrub after the seed has fully decomposed. To grow into a nation, and to withstand the many fires to come, the Jewish people had to decompose until the brink, and only then sprout strong eternal roots.
Korech is less an individual act and more a team sport... like a sweaty men's locker room. Basically, by Korech we've said a whole book full of words and we're starving. Our “real men ”load up their sandwiches with the "real" stuff- you know the white slices of real bitter herbs (not that "romanian lettuce" wuss crap). This is the stuff you need a sharp knive for... like you're back carving wood to build a fire. This is the stuff that makes you remember just how bad it really was in Egypt. Heck, maybe we have it even worse. Also, somehow, somewhere along the lines, the geniuses in our religion I think have formulated a calculation that “the law” will be more fulfilled if you eat more white slices of instant-ulcer-clean-out-your-kishkes-&-sinuses-put-more-hair-on-your-chest-herbs. Think about this - in a total of 30 seconds, you've confirmed your manhood and probably gotten more heaven. More than any man can ask for. But I digress. All this machismo of "look how much abba has", and "oh ya, well check this out" (followed by an 50% increase of the white shards of death on your matzah) leads to some psyched up - "let's get out there and win this thing!" feelings. All the men at our table are like busting out of the locker room before the big game as we say in a half-chanting, half-rap with crescendoing strength "Ahl Matzoh, Umrormim... (culminating to a yell of) YOCHLOOHOO!!!!" Followed by the big crunch. Get Psyched or Get burned (Dov Robinson, Chicago, Il)
Peanut Butter and Jelly Hillel?
According to history books, English nobleman John Montague, born in 1718, was a
notorious gambler who would often go from pub to pub in gambling marathons. Once
in 1762 he played cards at a men's club in London for 24 hours straight. He
didn't want to risk his luck by leaving the table to eat, so while gambling at
London's Beef Steak Club, he asked that some roasted meats be brought to him
between 2 slices of bread so that he could hold his food in one hand and his
cards in the other. The new food, the sandwich, was named for him, the Earl of
Sandwich. Montague's timesaving nourishment idea caught on quickly with others
ordering "the same as Sandwich." The sandwich was introduced to America in 1827
in a cookbook by Elizabeth Leslie. This convenient idea has changed the eating
habits of people forever. Shouldn't Hillel get credit for the Earl of Sandwich's
idea? a Tuna Hillel, a Sub Hillel, an Egg Salad Hillel...this could be fun!
NOT
WITHOUT MY MATZA
R' Paysach Krohn
Story:
The Holy Skolener Rebbe, known for his incredible kindness to orphans, used to
be in charge of baking matzos for his town. Getting matzos, or any food, in
those days was not easy, so when Passover came along, people from far and wide
used to travel to the Skolener rebbe with hopes to attain three matzos to
observe the Passover Seder. The saintly Vishnitzer Rebbe sent his son to get
matzos for his Seder, but when the Vishnitzer’s son came to the Skolener Rebbe,
he insisted that the rebbe give his father 6 matzos. The Skolener Rebbe was
taken a back, there was hardly enough matzos to go around for his town let alone
for anyone from out of town, and now the Vishnitze Rebbe was demanding six! The
Vishnitzer’s son brazenly told the Skolener Rebbe that his father told him not
to leave his presence without the six matzos. After much arguing the Skolener
finally agreed saying, “if the Holy Vishnitzer demands six, then it must be with
good intention.”
The day before Passover came and suddenly the Vishnitzer Rebbe’s son showed up
at the Skolener Rebbe’s door holding three matzos. “My father asked that I
return these three matzos”
The Skolener Rebbe was dumbfounded. The boy had come a week before stubbornly
demanding the extra three matzos - and now, the day before Passover, he was
returning them? The boy explained, “My father requested that I originally
request six matzos, because he knew what a giving person you are, and that you
would probably give away every matzo you had, and keep none for yourself. To
insure that you would have matzos for your Seder, he took for you.”
The Skolener Rebbe, blushed in embarrassment, and in awe of Vishnitzer’s own kindness and foresight, as the Skolener had actually given away all of the matzos he had baked to all of the poor people in the town and kept none for his own family
Afikomen - Sung to the tune of Green Day’s Basket Case
Do you have the time
To listen to me whine
About all the things that I want?
I am one of those
Super whip smart yids
I Snagged the afikomen
halfway through magid
(bridge)
We’ve spent way too much time on pascal sheeeeeep
I almost choked on that marror that was hot as (BLEEP) @#$@#
(chorus)
When all is said and done
I WANT MY AFIKOMEN!
Cause I’m just paranoid, that you’re all too drunk!
(verse)
I went to the rebbetzin
To ask her if it’s a sin
To ask for both an ipod and a playstation2
I went to my bro
He told me just ask for dough
And just give everyone the matza already, dayanu
(bridge)
I’ve spent way too much time on pascal sheeeeeep
I almost choked on that marror that was hot as (BLEEP) @#$@#
(Chorus)
When all is said and done
I WANT MY AFIKOMEN!
Cause I’m just paranoid, that you’re all too drunk!
Is
Praise Proper? but what about all the dead human beings
The gemara
questions why don’t we say Full Hallel prayer(longer version) on the 7th
and 8th days of Pesach. The Gemara says, because it is not right to
sing praises, when any human being, the creations of G-d, have been killed.
SOOO the question you got to ask is, How the heck can we say it now at the
Seder? Didn’t we just read all about Egyptians going through some hellish
plagues!?? Rav Chaim Soloveichik explained, the gemara’s statement was meant
for future generations, they should not sing at a time when life is lost. But
the generation, who experiences the savior, as Miriam and Moshe led the song
after the splitting of the sea, of course can sing praise as their lives have
truly been saved. On seder night, there is an obligation to feel as if we were
there, coming out of Egypt. It is as if we experienced this salvation firsthand,
and therefore full Hallel can be said wholeheartedly
To
the tune of Take me out to the ballgame
Take me out to the
Seder
Take me out to the crowd
Feed me some matzah and charoses
I'm a King now, to Egypt we're never going back
Cause it root root root for Moshe Rabbeinu
Had to break the luchas what a shame!
For it's one, two, ...four cups of wine
At the ole seder plate!
To
"The Fresh Prince of Bel Air" Theme Song
Now this is the story all about how
My life in Eygpt got flipped upside down
And I’d like to take a minute just sit back and lean
I’ll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Mizrayim
In West Alexandria born and raised
In a basket is where I spent most of my days
Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool
And all floating in da Nile like swimming in a pool
When a couple of Phaoroah's guys said we’re up in no good
Started making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and the Jews got scared
And said you’re moving down to Goshen with Yisro & Tzipporah there
I whistled at this burning bush and when I came near
the bush said Shalom, had I had too much beer?
If anything I could say that this miracle was rare
But I thought can't forget it, Yo Pharoah's been unfair
I pulled up to a palace about seven or eight
And I yelled to Pharoah, yo homes smell you later
Looked at my kingdom I was finally there
To Let My People Go; Taking da Jews to freedom from despair
To the
Tune of Smells Like Seder Spirit
To the tune of the
Nirvana Smells Like Teen Spirit
Classic
Load up on matzah, bring your friends
It’s fun to chew, unleavened bread
It tastes like cardboard, Shmura for sure
I know I know, Romaine's a dirty herb
-----
Kaddaish, Orchatz, Karpatz Yachatz, Maggid, Rachtza, Moztei, Matza, Marror,
Korech, Shulchan, Oreach, Tzafoon Bariach, Hallel, Nirtza!.....
-------
With that seder plate out, the table's less spacious
Do we lean now?
Entertain us
I feel stupid, they enslaved us?
Here we are now
Making Kiddush
A Moscato
A D'asti
An Afikomen
I'm starving
Yea!
-------
I’m worse at making Hillel's sandwich, And for this charoses, I feel blessed
Our little people has always been, and always will be persecuted until the end
-------
Kaddaish, Orchatz, Karpatz Yachatz, Maggid, Rachtza, Mozeit Matza, Marror,
Korech, Shulchan Oreach, Tzafoon Bariach, Hallel, Nirtza!.....
-------
With that seder plate out, the table's less spacious
Do we lean now?
Entertain us
I feel stupid, which plague is this?
Here we are now
Making Kiddush
A Moscato
A D'asti
An Afikomen
I'm starving
Yea!
-------
And I forget, Just what the plagues
did to get us out of Eygpt, winedrops makes me smile
I found matza hard, It's hard to swallow
Oh well, whatever, someone pass the wine
-------
Kaddaish, Orchatz, Karpatz Yachatz, Maggid, Rachtza, Mozeit Matza, Marror,
Korech, Shulchan Oreach, Tzafoon Bariach, Hallel, Nirtza!.....
-------
With that seder plate out, the table's less spacious
Do we lean now?
Entertain us
I feel stupid, they enslaved us?
Here we are now
Making Kiddush
A Moscato
A D'asti
An Afikomen
Can we go home yet?
In the Nile, In the Nile, In the Nile, In the Nile, In the Nile, In the Nile, In
the Nile, In the Nile, In the Nile
To the tune of the
"BLUE'S CLUES" Theme Song
We gotta find a...Breadcrumb!
Right 'cause that's the first...Clue! (that the cleaning lady didn't do a
sufficient job)
Yeah! And then we put it in our plastic bag (that will take 3 hours to burn)
'Cause they're Bedika Clues... Bedika Clues......
We gotta find another breadcrumb... That's the second clue! (that we overpaid
the cleaning lady)
We put it in our burn-bag (filled mostly with tin foil)
'cause they're who's clues? Bedika's Clues...
We gotta find the last
breadcrumb,....That's the tenth clue! (where the heck did you kids hide the
others?)
We put it in our burn bag
'cause they're Bedika's clues... who's clues?
Biyur's clues! You know what to do!
Sit down in our rusting
lawnchair and watch it burn... burn... burn!
Cause when we use our spoons and take a step back in time, (using candle light?)
We can burn any THING... that we wanna do!
Ok... it's biyur time!
To
the "SILVER SPOONS" TV Theme Song
Here we are, face to face
A Candle & a Wooden Spoon.
Hopin’ to find, the leavened kind
Making it dust, burning's a must.
Together, we’re going to find bread today
Bedika, searching the erev pesach night away.
To search all about fo those 10 things you just can’t find.
Wooden Spoon & Candle together.
You and I bedika (saying Kol Chamira today)
You and I bedika (we’re going to burn it all away)
You and I BEDIKA
New Pharoah in the neighborhood
Doesn't Remember Yosef, and it's understood.
He’s there, just to keep us in slavery,
Like we're one of his avadim....
Pharoah in Charge
Of our days and our nights
Pharoah in Charge
Of Pitom and Ramsais
And I sing, I want,
I want Moshe in Charge of me.
Pharoah in Charge
Of our kids and our wives
Pharoah in Charge
Of our jobs and our lives
And I sing, I want,
I want Hakoadosh Baruch Hu in Charge of me.
| To
the "Different Strokes" Theme Song
Now, on Pesach you gotta remove
- all our bread even the crumbs, What might be clean for you, may not be clean for your mom. Two sons are born, they are one diverse team (wise and evil) Then along come two, they've got no clue what anything means. And we've got, 4 Diff'rent Sons. It takes, 4 Cups of Wine. It takes, 4 Diff'rent Questions to move the world. Everybody's got a special kind of custom Everybodys got 4 cups of wine, Steal the afikomen, don't get caught If you do, so what, Lean on your chairs, invite the poor, and we'll have wine. And together we'll be fine.... And we've got, 4 Diff'rent Sons. It takes, 4 Cups of Wine. It takes, 4 Diff'rent Questions to move the world. |
|