I’m Shlomo Gewirtz and I know what I’m talking about. This apartment worked for me, and it can work for you. So while I’m in Israel working on my one-man show in Jerusalem and my Tel Aviv TED Talk, if you’re a שומר שבת guy like me, and, especially if you’re looking for that right שידוך that will lead you to the חופה and the reception of your life, don’t look any further. This apartment can help you make that happen. You’ll be living in the upstairs part of a 2-bedroom garden duplex near all the West Side shuls, seven minutes from the 5-star Jewish Center kiddush, and only a minute away from the number 1 train which is convenient when she will be texting, “where R U ?”
But how will this all help you to find your one and true באשרט? So listen up. This place encourages you to be a host, which is something many women find attractive and value in a husband. The dining area is great for Friday night dinners or Saturday lunches — not to mention the use of my private, landscaped garden. Invite everybody. Become an impresario, of sorts, or as Adam Grant would have it, a ‘giver.’
Your only roommate, Daniel Kronengold, serves as a distinguished rabbi in the Bronx over שבת, is outgoing, smart and funny when provoked. He’s also looking to get married, in case you’ll know of someone. And then, of course, inside the apartment you’ll have AC, WiFi, and a washer and dryer included. A library of over 1000 books in the flat can occupy your mind when you’re not on Facebook 24/6 or in the kitchen doing laundry, or cooking —recipes provided. (A recent pew poll shows that single men who cook more than cholent are 46% more likely to find their באשרט before they’re 60.) Come visit, man! !בא לבקר היום
P.S. As a bonus, you’ll get my מקום קבוע at the 7am JC minyan next to rabbis Zirkind and Goldstein. They’re awesome.
P.P.S. If you served in צהל you get 10% off the rent.