Oscars 2002

Has anyone seen the commercials where Whoopi Goldberg, the only Academy Award winner to follow in the footsteps of Jim J. Bullock, stands next to a giant golden statue or sits in a movie star's makeup chair? Like me, you were probably expecting a joke - I mean, she is a comedian hosting an award show for movies. It's not like this is an award show for philanthropists or a celebration of some great humanitarian deed. Whoopi proceeds to open her mouth and utter one sentence with grave solemnity and boldness. She says, "Prepare yourself…for The Oscars" - as if there are actual preparations that need to be made before turning on the television and watching a bunch of celebrities kiss their own asses, half of whom won't even be at the ball ever again. (The exception is House who needs to press his tux). I believe the public is fascinated by celebrity award shows because it gives us a means of seeing these super humans out of character and being "themselves". Sometimes we watch to rally behind a movie or actor that we really like and if they win we are so happy for them and if they lose we sympathize and protest in our personal universes. Either way, the winners and the losers will go home to their gaudy mansions after partying all night and committing some of the depravities that we can imagine took place in S'dom.

I am a movie fan and as such I watch The Oscars with keen interest; it being the holy grail of film award shows. It used to be that The Oscars was the serious one and The Golden Globes was the funny younger brother, but now The Globes are trying to become Oscar-like and are thereby losing all the whimsical lightheartedness that made it the truly pleasant experience it once was. For a movie fan, The Oscars are not fun - it's a nail-biting chore - like job training or blind dates. You sit through The Oscars for four hours and make sure you know who won Best Sound Effects Editing, not because you care, but because it is The Oscars and that is the bottom line. There is no sense or logic to be discussed. What the average Joe cares about during the program are the big six: Actor, Actress, Supporting Actor, Supporting Actress, Director, and Film. For this reason I will go through the nominees in these categories and make brief comments. Although I didn't see all the nominated films it won't matter because neither did The Academy members who voted. As we have seen many times in the past, the winner is rarely based on quality of performance. The winners are generally chosen based on, hype, public image, jealousy, looks, popularity, pay offs, pity, and frumkite (yes, Russell Crowe did stop wearing his tzitzis out and yes, it may cost him).

And the nominees are….

Best Picture

A Beautiful Mind - Everyone loves this movie - so much so that people who aren't "everyone" have turned on it with some story claiming that it is not a true enough account of John Nash's life. Who cares! Value the film in and of itself. It is the favorite here.

In the Bedroom - This is the nominee that The Academy uses to show, "Hey man, we're still hip - this is one groovy movie". It's a smaller movie with strong performances and intense themes. The Academy is willing to be "cool" enough to nominate it but making it Best Picture is going too far.

Lord of the Rings - Just too damn big and well done to ignore. Not exactly an "important" film but neither was last year's winner, Gladiator. I'd love to see it win but as far as I know, that doesn't mean anything.

Gosford Park - A safe bet as a nominee because of the stellar cast and the direction of legend, Robert Altman. The hype factor will come into play against GP because it is just too quiet a movie to win.

Moulin Rouge - This is the dark horse. An unforgettable, love it or hate it masterpiece. Supposedly, MR is gaining steam and making a push for the win. Should go down to the wire

The Winner - When in doubt, go with the predictable and terrified of diversity Academy voters. A Beautiful Mind will take it.

Best Actor

Russell Crowe (A Beautiful Mind) - Two years in a row? Seems like he would definitely win if he hadn't won last year. Crowe is a serious actor and his good looks make that surprising, but he just continues to portray characters with tremendous insight. He is the favorite.

Denzel Washington (Training Day) - How did this man not win for Malcolm X? Like Crowe, Denzel always does top notch work and will live up to any challenge on screen. This devilish character gave him an opportunity to go buck wild and he obliged. His best chance to win is by people purposely not voting for Crowe.

Will Smith (Ali) - Smith seems like more of an up and comer than a winner. His work in Ali was special but the movie was way too weak and this will prevent him from receiving more recognition than the nomination.

Tom Wilkinson (In the Bedroom) - Again, a man with no shot. If the Academy wants to reward In the Bedroom for acting, they will do so by awarding Tomei or Spacek and that puts Wilkinson out of the picture.

Sean Penn (I am Sam) - An actor's actor who should have won but wasn't even nominated for his work in Carlito's Way. He won't win here because The Academy does not want to be stereotyped as a group that always awards the portrayal of the physically or mentally challenged. Also, many thought the movie sucked.

The Winner - A distressed Washington watches Crowe take the gold. By the time Oscar night roles around this will be considered an upset despite Crowe winning The Golden Globe and The SAG Award.

Best Actress

Nicole Kidman (Moulin Rouge) - She has become something of a Julia Roberts (i.e. America's Sweetheart). Kidman had a great year with The Others, Moulin Rouge, and divorcing her rat husband. I thought she was impressive in MR but not any more so than Ewan McGregor who is not on any ballot. MR is a case where the movie itself, its inherent power, carries everyone along. She may get the "You go girl" votes, but it won't be enough.

Halle Berry (Monsters Ball) - What most people know about her work in Monster's Ball is that she becomes a soft core porn actress for 3 minutes…and that's all I know as well, but still think she is the favorite. She has been taking roles that play down her stunning looks for years (with a few vanity projects sprinkled in) and it seems like the right time to honor her talents and devotion to acting.

Sissy Spacek (In the Bedroom) - If Berry is the favorite then Spacek is her understudy. Spacek is a long time accomplished actress who is highly respected and seems like a sweet southern peach. For her, a win would be a sort of comeback story although she never really went anywhere. Spacek and Berry run neck and neck.

Rene Zellwegger (Bridget Jones Diary) - This is the nominee who will not win. She is great, wonderful, and engaging, but this movie came out such a long time ago and it is just not the type of performance that wins. For Rene, she truly should be glad "just to be nominated".

Judi Dench (Iris) -I'll be damned if this enormously talented actress takes home another Oscar in my lifetime. I have yet seen a Judi Dench movie and that is not a coincidence. Give someone else a chance Judi! Go do an action/comedy with Damon Wayans you stuck-up witch or are you too busy filming "Chocolate 2".

The Winner - Berry wins for two reasons. One reason is fair and the other not as much but about time. 1.) Her performance and 2.) Academy rallies behind the first African-American female Best Actress.

Best Supporting Actress

Maggie Smith, Helen Mirren (Gosford Park) - Older, British chicks who get nominated for things all the time I suppose. They both are here for the same movie. One of them will probably win and that is exactly why I don't care.

Marissa Tomei (In the Bedroom) - Now here is a good story. Former Oscar winner, laughed out of mainstream Hollywood, but tenacious enough to hang onto the fringes and stay alive. She waited for the juicy role like the one in ITB and made the most of it by showing that she has talent to spare. I'd like to see her win just so that she could get up there and make a "My Cousin Vinny" joke.

Kate Winslet (Iris) - A true beauty who always does touching work. Besides Titanic (granted that is a big "besides") she remains an independent film actress willing to take risks and be interesting. She won't win regardless of how good she was. The movie was small and she seems like she was born to be the good-sport loser.

Jennifer Connelly (A Beautiful Mind) - Connelly is now going through the Sharon Stone cycle. It is where an actress who was known mainly for taking off her clothes on screen gets serious. Hopefully she won't share the fate of Stone. She is very watchable and is shocking everyone with her talent. She will win an Oscar in about five years but not this year.

The Winner - The only thing making me say Tomei is the fact that I want her to win. Voters might go with the safer Connelly, but I'm doubting it.

Best Supporting Actor

Ethan Hawke (Training Day) - I don't know why, but I want Ethan to win more than any other nominee this season. I guess it would just be cool to have this modest, sincere, regular guy actor enjoy some overwhelming recognition. He won't win because he is overshadowed by some big buzz performances in the category, but he too should be proud of the nomination.

Ian McKellan (The Lord of the Rings) - He has a pretty good shot. If LOTR is not getting Best Picture, this would be a good way to recognize it. He did a lot with a cheesy role but maybe not enough.

Ben Kingsley (Sexy Beast) - This is the performance people spoke about all year. Ben is respected in the acting community and his daring performance makes him a favorite.

Jim Broadbent (Iris)- Who is this guy? He was a real freak in Moulin Rouge and scared the bageezus out of me. He clearly has a lot of heart but Iris is not on many people's radar and neither is he.

Jon Voigt (Ali) - No comment. But if I had to comment I would say there is an actual supporting actor out there who got cheated out of a possible nomination (Gene Hackman comes to mind). If he wins, I will never watch The Oscars again. I will say that Voigt is a big Chabad supporter and that is admirable.

The Winner - As I'm writing this I feel like there will be an upset and McKellan will beat Kingsley. Voters will be overcome by the power of the ring.

Best Director

Peter Jackson (The Lord of The Rings) - A real nobody who comes up big. Not just big, huge! I would give it to him in a heartbeat but he looks like such a child molester and voters don't approve of that.

Ridley Scott (Black Hawk Down) - He deserves it just for having the coolest body of work ever (Alien, Blade Runner, Thelma and Louise, Gladiator). Black Hawk Down was popular, but the fact that it got no other major nominations will hurt Ridley's chances.

David Lynch (Mullholand Drive) - One of a kind Director doing bizarre and baffling work and being recognized for it. There is a great achievement and a victory right there. He has no chance.

Robert Altman (Gosford Park) - The safest vote out there. The acclaimed and ancient Director might just be the favorite for lack of another real stand out.

Ron Howard (A Beautiful Mind) - The man always makes nice, tightly crafted, neat movies (Backdraft, Apollo 13). He definitely has something and ABM is his crown jewel so far, but…I know it's wrong to say…but…he's Richie Cunningham dammit! (Note: I did not say Opie).

The Winner - Howard, who would win in a perfect world, is upset by Altman, who dies on stage.

- Jordan