A healthy relationship is about a lot more than fun date nights and honest communication. It asks so much of the two people involved in terms of trust, vulnerability, intimacy, and more. Not to mention, there’s a lot of time that goes into turning a new spark into a steady thing.
But, maybe the biggest thing that’s holding you back from finding “the one” is yourself. It’s hard to look in the mirror and own up to the things you need to work on. The easier thing to do is blame other people for why past relationships haven’t worked out and find ways to connect those to new dating experiences.
The reality is you need to work on yourself before you commit to being with another person long-term. It’s time to ask yourself, “Should I see a therapist?” and seriously consider the benefits this can offer you.
Here are 5 signs relationship counseling is right for you, plus an overview of what you can expect to get out of it.
5 Signs You May Need Relationship Counseling
Going to relationship counseling as a single person doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. It just means there are certain dating habits you need to break.
There are things you do while dating another person that you may not even realize are hurting the relationship. Or, there may be habits you have that you know aren’t the greatest things to do, but you can’t stop doing them.
Take a look at the following signs you need relationship counseling and be honest with yourself about whether or not you relate to these habits.
1. You Have Trouble Trusting Others
Trust is a tricky thing, especially in dating.
There’s only so many times you can get your heart broken until you become a less trusting person. But, you can’t lose your faith in dating altogether.
Your issue with trust may not be that other people haven’t given you a reason to trust them. It may actually be that you’re looking for too many reasons not to offer your trust in the first place.
Let that thought sit with you for a little while and see whether or not it’s true.
2. You Have Seriously High Expectations
Here’s the thing: everyone wants to find love. However, some people have much higher expectations about what their love story should look like than others. This makes dating much harder than it needs to be because it automatically makes you uninterested in potential partners.
It’s not like you should be settling for the first guy/girl who comes along. But, you could seriously benefit from re-thinking your idea of what a first date should entail or how the progression of a relationship should go.
3. You Don’t Know What You Want
Maybe your issue is the exact opposite of having high expectations. Maybe you’ve had trouble finding the right partner because you have yet to define what you want him/her to be like.
A relationship counselor can help you identify the kind of people you’d be most compatible with and what you want out of a relationship in general. This person is also capable of helping you work through bigger dating concepts – like your sexual orientation, monogamy vs polygamy, or the idea of a committed, but open, relationship.
4. You Have Trouble Voicing What You Want
Another issue many people experience in dating is finding the right words to say how they feel. You can’t expect your partner to meet all of your needs if you don’t voice them, and you shouldn’t shy away from saying how you feel, either.
A big part of building a healthy relationship comes down to how you communicate. This means you have to be just as comfortable voicing what you want as you may already be with compromising or being empathetic to the other person’s needs.
5. You Beat Yourself Up
The final sign that it might be time to seek relationship counseling is if you have a tendency to psych yourself out.
You’re not going to be able to grow with another person if you’re always second-guessing what you say to them or how you act around them. The sexiest thing in the world is to be comfortable in your own skin, which means you have to be confident in the way you woo your partners.
The Top 3 Benefits of Therapy for Dating Purposes
It’s one thing to realize the dating habits that are holding you back, but it’s a completely different process to work through them.
The best way to stop holding yourself back may actually be to ask for the help of someone else. Working with relationship professionals gives you the chance to get out of your head and to learn from people who have seen such tendencies before.
It’s your time to open up, learn, and most importantly, heal.
Here are the 3 biggest breakthroughs you’ll achieve through relationship counseling.
1. Letting Go of Past Scars
It’s a messy, complicated process to go through relationship counseling. But, it’s important to deal with all the emotions that come up in a healthy and productive manner.
Talking with another person about the disappointments you’ve faced in the past helps you let these experiences go. It’s your chance to get rid of the scars and burdens you’ve been walking around with.
This applies to the pain that partners have caused you as well as that which you may have experienced from family members or close friends. Whatever type of trauma that has brought you to a point of distrust and being guarded, people like these professionals can help you become more open and welcoming to new partners.
2. Understanding Your True Worth and Your Boundaries
Just because you become more trusting doesn’t mean you let all of your walls down at once. Rather, it’s more about understanding how to set boundaries in a new relationship. This allows you to move forward in getting to know someone without compromising your own worth.
3. Better Sex and More Intimacy as a Whole
There’s one thing that measures the strength of a relationship above all else: intimacy. If you can enjoy genuine intimacy with your partner, you’re in a good place. That’s the goal you should be aiming for in your relationship counseling and in your future relationships.
But, you have to remember intimacy goes much deeper than sex.
Physical passion and mind-blowing orgasms are part of it, but emotional comfort and the ability to be there for one another play into intimacy, too. There needs to be a balance of acceptance, understanding, and heat for things to work out well.
Stop Asking Yourself, “Should I See a Therapist?”, and Just GO!
If you’re going back and forth asking yourself “Should I see a therapist?” or not, just go. There’s no harm in sitting down with a professional for an hour and getting a consultation, and there’s much to gain from actually putting in the work of regular therapy.
If you’re interested in more singles resources and words of advice, click here.
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