Lately, as my friends begin to get married, I’ve created this list of how to be a single chick at a Jewish wedding:

1: Tell everyone you’re seeing someone, but be elusive. This way you’ll be “taken” to the guys with no guts, so that they won’t bother you, and a “challenge” to the guys who’ll be the most entertaining. The ones in between will ask a lot of questions about you and probably stare at you across the dance floor, but won’t actually speak to you.

2: Play it like you’re a frummy if you don’t want anyone to hit on you. If you do this, then avoid the “family friends” tables, because they’ll be spying you out for shidduchim.

3: Be the shtick chick. Bring a bag filled with streamers, silly string, confetti, sparkly top hats, glow in the dark necklaces, hula skirts (for the guys, of course, as some of them have previously unknown hula skills), and personal shtick. I recently discovered that if the girl is under the age of 21, handcuffing her and wrapping the bride and groom with crime scene tape is a very funny shtick. Plus, they get to keep the handcuffs!

4: Drink a lot. After the eighth or ninth glass of Rashi, you’ll begin to feel it. Just don’t attempt any tricks with fire or balancing crystal.

5: Do the Scharffman’s shuffle (as any seminary girl or New Yorker will tell you is very important to learn) until you get too dizzy to care who’s at your table. This is better after ten glasses of Rashi.

6: Give in to it. Give out your phone number to mothers, Rabbis, and the occasional sleazy YU guy with longish hair and dark skin who claims he’s not like all the other Syrians. The Upper West Side guys won’t ask for your number. They’ll be the ones who stare at you but never say anything, because they’re thinking, “This is a wedding, and she’ll think I want to marry her if I ask her out.”

7: Order a vodka orange but only take one sip. Tell everyone it tasted better the last time you had it. Much later, say, “I feel kinda drunk. It must have been the vodka orange.”

8: Ask around to find out if any guys are driving back to the city after the wedding. It’s better if you’re the only chick in the car.

9: Drink again. This time drink Shirley Temples and Strawberry Daquiries. Not only are they a Simcha staple, but they’re sweet enough to be tasted by your alcohol-deadened taste buds. After all, that vodka orange sure was powerful.

10: Adjust and then readjust your ballgown skirt as it uncomfortably swivels around your waist and rides up. But don’t let any guys spot you doing that. They’ll just think you’re awkward or self-absorbed.

11: If you’re lucky enough to have been seated at a good table with eligible guys, stick around the area. Dance once in a while, even socialize at other tables a bit, but make sure that at least one of the guys at the table looks like he wants you to come back and talk to him. Accomplish this by saying something very charming, smiling warmly, and then getting up before a silence can settle into the conversation.

12: Find a baby. There’s always a young couple who’s dying to get rid of their baby for the evening. To get this baby you will have to go to the other side of the ballroom where family and marrieds are seated. Carrying around a baby assures you that no matter where you go or what you’re doing, you’re okay...cause you’re carrying a baby.

13: Be the water girl. There’s always that one girl shoving water down the Kallah’s throat. True, she may be thirsty, but she’s not that thirsty. So make sure that if you choose to be the water girl, you don’t drown anyone. (This role may or may not include being the chair girl...the one who brings the chair over so that the Kallah can sit and rest.)

14: Do not mope, sitting in a corner by yourself wondering why you’re there if you don’t know anyone, and why none of the guys want to talk to you. They don’t want to talk to you because you’re depressing. When you look back on the evening, you’ll kick yourself for having been such a dismal idiot.

15: When all else fails...see #4. (Just don’t throw up on anyone. Hurling chicks are far from attractive. Believe me, I’ve been there, I know.)

please send all comments, questions, feedback to Dating correspondents, Jessica Russak and Jessica Moore

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