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The Daily Bang Archives:

Before the West Side was won
momoney

Questions New Yorkers can Never Answer
travis from Queens

TV: Bad for Israel?
arye dworken

Date to keep in Shape
benji joffee

Film: Conjuring Before G-d
Jon Duker

YU Chooses New Pres
Eli Clark

Jewish Deep Thoughts
Ari Greenberg

Inside Dougies
Evan K.

Observant Observations of OZ
simmy kustanowitz

Jew Years Resolutions
jenn goldi

Hollywood L'atid Lavoh
Jordan Hiller

Meeting the Parents Scorecard
Gary Strong and Avi Korn

Jewish Featured Headlines
arye dworken

Canceling Simchat Torah?
Leah Granoff

The UWS "Al Chaits" Isaac Galena

Choose you own Dating Adventure Ahava Leibtag

Entertainment Rebbis
Isaac Galena

The Dating Dictionary
Ahava Leibtag

Single Gal Wedding Guide
Jessica R./Jessica M.

New York Vs. Out of Town
Chuck Cohen

WWF star Chyna, Frum?
Arye Dworken

Dividing things Jewish and Goyish
Isaac Galena

The Jewish 80's
Noach Bernstien

Datin, the Cheap Way
Avi Korn

J-escort service
Eli Goldmann

"It" Girl
Miriam Abramowitz

Foot-IN-Mouth Epidemic
Avi Korn

Jaded by Zemiroth
Lon Smolensky

Purim Special Report
Judah Levine

Press Your Luck
Danny Fax

Upper West Side Story
Arye Dworken

Guta Neshama Hunting
Arye Dworken

Casting Calls to Conference Calls
Isaac Galena

The Dating Dictionary: Translating the Terminology

a special report from love and advice correspondent Ahava Leibtag

NEW reader comments

Having lived through the Jewish dating scene and gone through my share of bad, and G-d awful dates , I thought it may be beneficial to bequeath some of my keen insights into translating dating terminology to the bangitout.com audience (the desperate galenas). Hopefully this list will help you begin to explain the mysteries of what people really mean when they say certain things. Hey, I suggest printing this article out and pasting it into your pocket bencher. That way you can do some terminology referencing and still look frum during your next date:

What they say: I have existential issues with Orthodox Judaism.
What they mean: I grew up frum, but quite frankly I think its oppressive and
outdated. Plus, Burger King is hiring.

What they say: I really want to live in Israel.
What they mean: the shadchan said you really want to live there, and I
think you're hot enough to take out again so I'm lying through my teeth. Do they have Dougies in Israel?

What they say: I learn at the West Side Kollel.
What they mean: I get drunk at the West Side Kollel on Friday nights….and at the West End on Saturday Nights.

What they say: I'm busy right now.
What they mean: You're about as attractive as Nell Carter in Gimme a Break.

What they say: I just think I have a different hashkafa then you
What they mean: The girl down my hallway that I've been chasing for 2
months finally called me back, and she's isn't shomer.

What they say: I love My Most Favorite Dessert.
What they mean: Thank God my roomates decided to go to Le Marais so they won't see me with this nerd.

What they say: Of course I'm going to cover my hair
What they mean: I'm going to make your parents spend $2,000 on a sheitel
that I'm going to wear twice, and then decide that covering my hair just
isn't for me.

What they say: So how do you know the person that set us up?
What they mean: Who the hell thought of this?

What they say: You're the most fascinating person I ever met.
What they mean: You're a psycho and thank God this date is over.

What they say: So, would you like to go out again? or the ever more
popular: Can I call you?
What they mean: Who the hell knows? It's the Upper West Side. Even I
haven't figured that one out yet.

What they say: (guy approaches) "I never ever do this…."
What they mean: I do this every Friday night… like clockwork… to anygirl…. with a pulse.

What they say: You're just not my look
What they mean: You're not anyone's look

What they say: I don't think you're religious enough
What they mean: I don't think you're attractive enough

What they say: I don't think I'm religious enough for you.
What they mean: You will not fool around, hence, its over.

What they say: Do you have a bencher?
What they mean: Do you keep shabbos?

What they say: How was shabbos?
What they mean: Did you meet anyone else, were you looking to? Whats the deal here, are we at all serious, do I mean anything to you? Give me some feed back!

What they say: The knicks are really good this year.
What they mean: This date is seriously the most boring experience of my entire existence.

What they say: Well, I really don't watch TV anymore
What they mean: I'm religious, you're not.

What they say: I loved my year in Israel!
What they mean: You look nothing like the hot religious guy I planned on marrying then.

What they say: Are you sure I can't pay?
What they mean: If that doesn't score points, I don't know what will.

What they say: Such a great girl/guy, BUT….
What they mean: I have been more attracted to my mother.

What they say: He's really cute
What they mean: He's bald

What they say: She's really cute
What they mean: She's really not hot

What they say: She's down to earth
What they mean: She's a terrible dresser

What they say: She's really with it.
What they mean: She's an annoying kiss ass NCSY adviser type.

What they say: He's a teddy bear.
What they mean: He's a Fat guy with a beeper

What they say: He's a Fat guy with a beeper
What they mean: He's hot cause he's cool with his fatness

What they say: Sh'es kinda shy but a party animal once you get to know her.
What they mean: You will have to wait until date #4 to fool around with her.

What they say: Sh'es outgoing and smart
What they mean: She has an annoying voice.

What they say: He's such a great guy
What they mean: I want him myself, but I have to set him up with your fatass first so I have a reason to get closer to him and call him late night

please send all comments, questions, feedback to shiudduch correspondent, Ahava Leibtag

Readers Comments:

From MrPoohTie
What they say: He's/She's close with their family.
What they mean: They still live at home.

 What they say: How much do you learn a day?
What they mean: I'm concerned with what my Rabbi will think.

From Dov Wasserman,:
What they say: "It's a loss for the Upper West Side that there are no more reasonable dairy restaurants around. I wonder where they went?"
What they mean: "That waitress at Joseph's was really hot. I wonder where she went?"

What they say: "Oh, I insist. I would never let a girl pay on a first date."
What they mean: "From here on out, we're going dutch."

What they say: "I think he works with computers or something."
What they mean: "He's not a social worker."

What they say: "Did you play for your high school basketball team?"
What they mean: "I see the eagle-eyed shadchan noticed we're both tall. Here's betting that's all we have in common."

What they say: "Do you like going to movies?"
What they mean: "Are you a cheap date?"

What they say: "Do you like watching videos?"
What they mean: "Are you an 'easy' date?"

What they say: "I really feel I've gotten to know you."
What they mean: "Enough to dump you."

What they say: "I usually daven at the back of the shul."
What they mean: "I usually get to shul for Aleinu."

What they say: "OZ was too crowded to have kavanh."
What they mean: "It was Scanning Room Only."

From Mindy Mallin, Merion, PA:
What they say: He is in his mid to late 20's.
What they mean: He is 29 and 365 days old!!