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| The Daily Bang Archives: Before the West Side
was won Questions New
Yorkers can Never Answer TV: Bad for Israel? Date to keep in Shape Film: Conjuring Before G-d YU Chooses New Pres Jewish Deep Thoughts Inside Dougies Observant Observations of
OZ Jew Years
Resolutions Hollywood L'atid
Lavoh Meeting the Parents
Scorecard Jewish Featured
Headlines Canceling Simchat
Torah? The UWS "Al Chaits" Isaac Galena Choose you own Dating Adventure Ahava Leibtag Entertainment
Rebbis The Dating
Dictionary Single Gal Wedding
Guide New York Vs. Out of
Town WWF star Chyna,
Frum? Dividing things Jewish and
Goyish The Jewish
80's Datin, the Cheap Way J-escort service "It" Girl Foot-IN-Mouth
Epidemic Jaded
by Zemiroth Purim Special
Report Press Your Luck Upper West Side Story
Guta Neshama Hunting Casting Calls to Conference
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the kosher daily bang presents:
Choose your Own Dating Adventure Your two older sisters are married, one living in Brooklyn,
one living in Teancek, NJ. On your twenty something birthday, each of
them offers to set you up with someone they both call "perfect for
you". The question now becomes do you take the yeshivish offer, or
the modern orthodox route. It's now your shidduch adventure, You Decide. a special story by Shidduch Correspondent Ahava Leibtag If you are a Guy start here. If you are a girl Click here and begin your date!
If you want to go out with the yeshivish
girl, begin below. If you like the Modern Orthodox girl, start by clicking
Here 1. Dental Records, along with father's tax-returns, are faxed in triplicate 2. After verifying that her mother only uses white silk tablecloths on Shabbat and only wears European 100% human hair sheitels, you agree to go out. 3. You spend the first phone conversation discussing what she will do
to support you while you learn for the rest of your life. She sounds like
she's into it. You might have to wear your coolest date shirt....i.e.,
the shabbos shirt with the stripes. 4. You take her to the airport. She knows who Rashi is (the wine of course)
and she isn't bothered by the four calls you get on your cell phone- your
mother, chevrusa, shadchan and bookie- in that order. Guess working at
HASC all those summers may have finally paid off. 5. The first date ends with her telling you about her 'Daddy's' sponsored kiddush for finishing Shaas a 3rd time. Don't like her? Continue on to step 6. Do you like her? Go to step Step 7.
6. Call the shadchan back and explain that she's a very nice girl but the "chemistry" (whatever that is) wasn't there. Have your mother mark off her name from the dating graph she keeps on a large piece of oaktag in her walk-in closet. Now get back to scoping out potential propects on onlysimchas.com, I mean learning. Click here to go on modern orthodox date
7. Call the shadchan and explain that it wasn't bad for a first date. Tell the shadchan you'll call her again. 8. Call the girl again. This time you try to figure out if she understands that sometimes night seder includes field trips. Be very vague about what these field trips might include. 9. Second date. You take her to Coney Island, behind the Toy R' Us. She talks a little about the travel agent she works for. You think this might work out. 10. Didn't like her enough for a Round #2? Go to step 6 . Did like her? Go to step 11 . 11. Call the shadchan and explain that you liked her again and you want to start discussing deals with her father. You let your father know and he begins to strategize with your uncles on your worth. 12. Take the girl out a third time. This time you remember her name. She asks what kind of watches you like. You ask her what kind of jewelery she likes to wear. This is the farthest you've ever gone with a girl. 13. You go with your friend Bentzy's father to pick out a diamond bracelet for the girl. His friend Mikey has a whole crate of Tiffany boxes he got one summer when he worked for a printer. She won't know the difference. 14. You propose at Le Marais. The cake says "Will you marry me ?" Your younger sister got the idea from onlysimchas.com. The Modern Orthodox gal is waiting for you, begin your dating adventure here: 1. Your roommate from college's cousin looks cute in a picture. You ask
him what she's up to. 2. Turns out she's in New York this summer for an internship before she
heads back to Brandeis for her last year of graduate school. 3. You call her. She knows who Dr. Drew is plus she knows how to learn
Gemara. But she doesn't expect you to. Things are looking good. 4. Your first date you take her to Darna. She's funny, witty and even
cuter than her picture. You wonder if she's shomer. 5. At the end of the date she gives you a big smile and says "I
had a great time. Thank you so much." You start picturing how to
ask her cousin about the shomer thing…. 6. Second phone conversation she asks you if you like baseball because
her friend's father has tickets to the Yankees. She must be shomer, right? 7. After the fourth date you try to figure out if she's shomer. Do you
think she's not? contiue on to step 8 . She is? Go to step
9. 8. Explain to her that you think she's great, but…well…you
just don't feel it when you're around her. The it is her-but what she
doesn't know won't hurt her. 9. Start acting like Saturday night is a given thing to hang out-like
in "What do you want to do on Saturday night? Rent a movie---just
the two of us in my apartment?" 10. Three weeks into dating she introduces you to an acquaintance at
KOE as her boyfriend. You start sweating…hellooo Boston chick…it's
only been three weeks. 11. Four weeks into dating she asks you how you feel about long-distance
relationships. You look at her and reply, "How do you feel about
casual sex?" Then you laugh. She doesn't. 12. Five weeks into dating she informs you that her parents are coming
into town because New York City in August is a huge tourist attraction
for people who spend the whole summer in Vacation Village. You start avoiding
your roommate from college in the hallways of the Key West. 13. You meet her parents. You start hitting on ugly girls at work. 14. Seven weeks into dating she tells you she wants to have a serious
conversation. You tell her that your way too busy at work. What you don't
tell her is that you're spending all day on J-date. 15. Eight weeks into dating she reminds you that she's leaving back to
Boston next week. You tell her that you'll miss her but thank God there's
email. You arrange to have your account address changed by one character.
Puurfect. 16. You offer to take her to the airport and then realize that you have
to help your roommate move out. Actually a cute girl down the hall. Start your date below. He could be the one.... If you want to go out with the yeshivish guy, begin below. If you are going out with the Modern Orthodox guy, start by clicking Here . 1. You make it very clear to your friends, family and mother's friends that you will only date a boy who wants to sit and learn for the rest of his life. Chinuch is an option but only after 10 years of learning. And you don't want that publicized. 2. After making sure that he understands that you're only going for a Masters in Speech Therapy (at Hunter of course, never NYU!) in order to support your future husband while he learns, you agree to go out. 3. The first phone conversation went well. He even asked if he could leave you with a devar torah at the end. 4. The first date he talked about the shulchan aruch and the mussar in Derech Hashem. He also loves Journeys and knows all the words to "Someday" by heart! 5. Didn't like him? Go on to to step 6. Did like him? Go to step 7. 6. Have your mother call the shadchan and firmly tell her that you thought
"he was the nicest boy, such a mentsh" but that you need someone
a little more intellectual. "It's just not going to click" always
convinces them right away. 7. Wait for the shadchan to call. If she calls the next day it's a good sign. 8. On the second date he brings a sefer to learn. If you are really frum, this will turn you off. You should not even be looking at this web site. If this turns you on go to step 9. 9. On the second date you find out that his father also went to YU, but thank God learned at Shar Yashuv afterward. You also find out that he dated one girl a little seriously before, for a whole month!, but that it didn't work out because she displayed certain middot he didn't like. Don't like him? Go to step 6. Like him? Go on to step 10. 10. Call the shadchan yourself and wait for her to tell you what he thought of you. If it's a go on his part, explain that you see "some potential" and let her know that he can call you again. 11. He calls. You talk about his chevrusa and his kallah. You wonder what it all means. 12. Your third date he takes you to My Most Favorite Dessert. As he's talking about having 12 children and some day living in Beitar you must ask yourself the most important question of them all: Will your mother's friends approve? If so and he's willing, proceed with engagement.
If you choose the Modern Orthodox guy, begin your dating adventure here: Sorry you have no choices. You're screwed. Options: Click here to try out the yeshivish dude. please send all comments, questions, feedback to Ahava Leibtag
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