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The Daily Bang Archives:

Before the West Side was won
momoney

Questions New Yorkers can Never Answer
travis from Queens

TV: Bad for Israel?
arye dworken

Date to keep in Shape
benji joffee

Film: Conjuring Before G-d
Jon Duker

YU Chooses New Pres
Eli Clark

Jewish Deep Thoughts
Ari Greenberg

Inside Dougies
Evan K.

Observant Observations of OZ
simmy kustanowitz

Jew Years Resolutions
jenn goldi

Hollywood L'atid Lavoh
Jordan Hiller

Meeting the Parents Scorecard
Gary Strong and Avi Korn

Jewish Featured Headlines
arye dworken

Canceling Simchat Torah?
Leah Granoff

The UWS "Al Chaits" Isaac Galena

Choose you own Dating Adventure Ahava Leibtag

Entertainment Rebbis
Isaac Galena

The Dating Dictionary
Ahava Leibtag

Single Gal Wedding Guide
Jessica R./Jessica M.

New York Vs. Out of Town
Chuck Cohen

WWF star Chyna, Frum?
Arye Dworken

Dividing things Jewish and Goyish
Isaac Galena

The Jewish 80's
Noach Bernstien

Datin, the Cheap Way
Avi Korn

J-escort service
Eli Goldmann

"It" Girl
Miriam Abramowitz

Foot-IN-Mouth Epidemic
Avi Korn

Jaded by Zemiroth
Lon Smolensky

Purim Special Report
Judah Levine

Press Your Luck
Danny Fax

Upper West Side Story
Arye Dworken

Guta Neshama Hunting
Arye Dworken

Casting Calls to Conference Calls
Isaac Galena

Upper West Side Al Chaites

a special report from bangitout rabbinic intern Isaac Galena

NEW reader comments

According to the Rambam, when praying on Yom Kippur, specifcally at the Viduy, (the "Confession") one should insert his own specific personal sins which may not exactly fall into the traditional standard "Ashamnu" terminology. Rav Soloveichik many times even encouraged his talmidim to write on index cards any of these unique personal sins inorder not to forget them when reciting the sobering Viduy...I took this, like most genuine torah ideas, as an opportunity to truly help others, while sincerely at the same time, in the steps of our saintly ancestors, help promote a useless innappropriate jewish website. Enjoy - and 'bang' your chest hard...these may hurt.

· For having an immaculate bookshelf full of seforim, of which, none have been opened…ever

· For not kashering your bong

· For wishing you were sefardi so you could get into the Latin Quarter

· For spending significantly more time in the street outside of shul, then inside shul (OZ)

· For praying with immense Kavanah upwards…to the women’s section.

· For using your thumb (shinui) to turn on the TV for the NBA finals on shabbos

· For making a Siyum on all the John Grisham books you've finished on shabbos

· For trashing Pizza Roma and then eating there every week

· For assuming everything in Sing Sing is kosher

· For going clubbing with your yamaka on

· For not setting up your friend with the guy/girl you’re friendly with, because, in the back of your mind, you want them.

· For missing minyan on 2 Rosh Chodeshs in a row....and all the other days in between

· For making a Tov Umaytiv when a better looking girl walks into shul than your girlfriend

· For not reciprocating meal invite to ones who’ve invited you more than 17 times

· For doing yiddin in the middle of the dance floor...at the Crane Club

· For telling people you davened at a shtipel on shabbos as you enter the Jewish Center at Adon Olam

· For not having any true allegiance to your place of worship, namely ‘The Parlour’ or ‘Fez’.

· For forgetting teffilin…at your girlfriend's apartment.

· For speaking badly about your friend...then dating her

· For not paying rent, to your girlfriend/boyfriend’s roommates.

· For saying “it was nice to meet you” to someone you’ve met 8 to 10 times before

· For not going to shul because your “not in the mood” …and cause “he”/”she” will be there

· For considering John Edwards your rabbinic spiritual advisor

· For being bitter about saying tehilim for Israel at the end of Friday night davening cause it takes too long

· For complaining how much you hate the ‘scene’, and then going back week after week

· For screening your calls…from your parents

· For not calling her back

· For calling her back over and over

· For going to Mincha/maariv, solely to find out what your Saturday night plans are

· For not saving the last slice

· For suddenly wearing hot tanktops and spandex to the gym, cause its more flexible

· For considering whispering slurred mumbles to a lil tune, benching

· For davening a total of 3 minutes every morning, obviously because it’s a-ok to skip all the middle stuff.

· For spending 3 minutes davening, and 20 minutes deciding if, either you’ve worn that outfit everyday this week, or simply if its too wrinkled to wear outside your bedroom.

· For taking 3 seconds to buy a kosher mezuzah and 3 months to buy a cell phone

· For using the 18 minute extension rule during shabbos day

· For rationalizing a borderline obsessive crush on your non-jewish coworker/classmate/neighbor/stuartess with concrete secret hopes that they’ll convert and become frum.

· For absolutely never ever making eye contact with the person your talking to at OZ

· For not introducing your friends

· For being exceptionally un-subtle about not wanting to talk to someone

· For thinking that there’s always someone more interesting to talk to

· For inviting a friend over for a meal, and talking the entire time solely to their Hot younger sister

· For praying to Hashem with full kavanah that a couple breaks up; saying “cause they are totally not right for eachother”, thinking “cause I totally want to move in”

· For making kiddush on Cocoa Pebbles choclate milk

· For telling your parents your meeting tons of guys/girls...conveniently not mentioning on a Jewish Singles Chat Room…for butch lesbians

· For calling yourself a social smoker even when your alone.

· For spending hours on Onlysimchas.com, warmly commenting with the phrase “How the efff did she get engaged”

· For knowing that girl/guy who you went through elementary school, high school, yeshiva in Israel, college and 12 years of summer camp in the same bunk, and who now lives in your building, takes the same subway as you, is dating your cousin, and is sitting next you at shul every week; and STILL never acknowledging their existence, even when you are wearing the same outfit.

please send all comments, questions, feedback to rabbinic intern, Isaac Galena

Readers Comments:

From P Kassai
the all chait list was gevaldik i laughed out loud , you should do a list of allc haits for stern and yu guys some idiots would find that funny

From Dov Wasserman
Oh, wow, that was good. Good, good, stuff, that hits just a biiit too close too home... for many of my friends. From what they tell me. Yasher coach, and a happy, healthy and funny new year,

From Riverdale girl
Additions:
1 for inviting that one person to meals under false pretenses with no intentions
2 for having them duped into coming over for a meal that only exists "down south"
3 for hanging around that one person, taking them out for a while and then stating: "Oh I thought we were friends"
4 for hanging around that one girl/ guy as friends without possibly considering them as a mate
5 for hanging around your same sex friend whom you can't stand just to get the chicks
6 for telling that same sex friend loshon horah about a potential mate so you can grab him/her
7 for getting drunk,wasted,stoned and getting up in the morning without making a bracha achronah
8. for all teffillin dates hint hint "lol"

From Jonathan Polirer
Two more:
- For not bringing the right kind of wine to friday night dinner -- ie, anything other than Moscato D'Asti or White Zinfandel.
- For going to OZ on Friday night with no plans for dinner but knowing that you'll have some by the time you leave.

From Sherrie Neustien
the al chait was like the funniest thing I've read since the ingredients on a bag of sliced bread!
no joke, it was hillarious! I just left the upper west side a few weeks ago and that list really brought me home( let me wipe away a tear) keep up the good work, you make procrastination so much more fun!

don't forget the al chait for:

-Bringing that same bottle of wine to a meal that you got once form somebody else who got it from their sister who got it from her ex boyfriend's roomate, who, conveniently is the peson youre giving it to!( white zinfandel doesnt really get better with age, comeon!)

-Shopping at "that other" kosher market place while ignoring the "slight" treif issue or the alleged food poisoning