The Daily Bang

bangitout.com presents:

Not-so Glamorous in Glamour
2 frum girls make into Glamour magazine - Say Shehechianu

by bangitout.com fashion editor Kyra Lindsay

Well ladies, we finally did it. This month, not one, but two, frum girls were featured in the upscale publication of Glamour magazine. A devoted reader (of Glamour & bangitout), I had been waiting for this day to arrive for a while now - a day where I had anticipating my chest swelling up with pride that the fashion world had finally taken notice of "the frummies".

Nevertheless, I was thoroughly disappointed. You see, unfortunately, the aforementioned lucky ladies were not featured in a "fun, fearless, female" type of capacity. Rather, they cropped up (and I mean that literally) on the Do's and Don't page in the back of the magazine.

For those unfamiliar with the layout of today's women's fashion publication, the Do's and Don't page is a section primarily devoted to the fashion faux-pais of today's fashionista. It's literally NO MERCY time as the editors take immense joy in "Black-barring" the celebrity, and Jane Doe, of choice. Now let's get serious for a second. Those black bars across the eyes don't conceal anything. Personally, I can pretty much always decipher whom the celebrity Dujoir is. And let's be honest - how many American's really look at Pamela Anderson's eyes? Wouldn't it make more sense for them to black bar her, um..chest?. But I digress..

One might wonder how I knew that the said-ladies were in fact frum girls. Besides the obvious attire answer - an oversized, tar-sweeping denim skirt paired with a shapeless red long sleeve shirt in 90 degree New York City weather screams Stern girl to me - I have a confession. One of the Clueless women in the photo is a close relative of mine. Close to be defined as follows: close enough for my sister to run out and buy a copy off of the newsstand, not close enough for my Mother to call Glamour and purchase all of the copies in Gotham City.

Ladies - hear my pleas - this should never happen again. I say discard your frumpy - input skirt staple of your generation here - for me, it was the Biz - skirt and oversized Lands End long-sleeve shirts and embrace Fall's fashionware. Let's be honest ladies - the knee-length form flattering denim skirt and the colorful Old Navy rugby sure looks good. Don't deny that you've been humming along to the Brandy Bunch inspired Old Navy commercials (in red, and white and blue!). I believe we all can say that Morgan Fairchild is one Tzanuah Shiksa!

My sista's - say goodbye to Brenda's and say hello to Donna - Karen that is - for her Fall line is simply divine. It is a veritable designer buffet out there and I urge you to embrace you man of choice. Become acquainted with Calvin, Giorgio, Salvatore, Ralph, Todd, and my personal favorite, Tristan (& America) and leave Boro Park shopping for Lulavim and Esrogim only!

Follow these 5 simple rules and who knows, that guy you've been eyeing at OZ might make a bee-line for you at Supersol and next thing you know - you're discussing that platinum, 2.5 emerald-cut diamond with trillions on the side-ring that you've been dreaming of since your Bais Yacov days.

RULE OF 5

· Wear black - you can never go wrong in black. It's true what your Safta's been telling you - black is very slimming.

· Men love leather (i.e., tefillin) but be careful with the amount. You CAN over accessorize and your goal is to be tasteful - not Frederick's of Hollywood. So wear those knee length Nine West black boots with your knee-covering skirt of choice.

· When looking for Shabbat attire advice, listen to Cake - not the food - the band. Men "want a girl with a short skirt and a long…… jacket."

· Unless you're wearing it like Britney, leave your old high school uniform at home. Pair that plaid skirt with a longer-than the hem J. Crew black cable-knit sweater instead. (Ladies who are blessed with an ample backside - these sweaters should be avoided like the plague. You might think they look good but THEY DON'T! Pair your plaid skirts with a tuxedo shirt instead.

· Who needs a bell around their neck when we've got corduroy. They're hotter than last season's Pashmina so wear it with pride - and let the guys know you're coming - from a mile away.

And if all else fails - do what I do - wear pants. See ya next month in Maxim :)

email Kyra Lindsay with comments!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From Rik928@aol.com: While I was extremely impressed that fashion tips have finally made it to bangiout.com, most fashion insiders are aware that the rule of 5 is chock full of errors.

1. While black is always safe in Gotham, gentlemen prefer red. That at least is the consensus in the poll I've been conducting since the age of 16. Additionally, anyone who has ever had their colors done knows that only a winter should wear black next to their face. While it may be slimming, brown is equally so and looks better on most women (and men for that matter).

2. Leather might sound good but suede looks and feel ever so much sexier. While it may not be as weather proof in inclement conditions, trust me it's much more slimming and men love the feel of buttery soft suede. Yet another useful fact gleaned from my ongoing survey. ;-)

3. Men want a girl with a short skirt and long legs...most don't notice the jacket so you're better off slipping into a pair of three inch heels than you are in a reefer.

4. Brittney is old and plaid is older; look for pinstripes and orthogonal design. Tuxedo shirts, however, are great for any occasion...particularly if they're sheer and worn over a body-hugging tank.

5. Last but not least, while corduroy is indeed a fashion must, it really isn't worth doing if you don't do it well and the only designer who does is Marc Jacobs. I'm only going to say it once but pay attention please...BEWARE OF GAP CORDUROY!!

While the above list should in no way be considered a complete style guide, it is five steps in the right direction. Use it wisely and circulate it sparingly or the insiders may need to change the rules in order to maintain exclusivity.

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The Daily Bang Archives: Not so Glamorous in Glamour Kyra Lindsay Jewish Honest Classified Ads Miriam Lazar and Deena Grant How to teach in English in China Sarah Galena Who wants to marry a Boro Park Millionaire martin bodek My Sister's Grand Dragon Boyfriend Alisa green 80's movie UWS Dating Lessons Remfan Modern Orthodox Quiz Ahava Leibtag National Geographic's Journey to the Upper West Side Avi Korn 60 ways to appear frum and intellectual Michael Winner and others Before the West Side was Won Momoney Questions New Yorkers can Never Answer travis from Queens TV: Bad for Israel? arye dworken Date to keep in Shape benji joffee Film: Conjuring Before G-d Jon Duker YU Chooses New Pres Eli Clark Jewish Deep Thoughts Ari Greenberg Inside Dougies Evan K. Observant Observations of OZ simmy kustanowitz Jew Years Resolutions jenn goldi Hollywood L'atid Lavoh Jordan Hiller Meeting the Parents Scorecard Gary Strong and Avi Korn Jewish Featured Headlines arye dworken Canceling Simchat Torah? Leah Granoff The UWS "Al Chaits" Isaac Galena Choose you own Dating Adventure Ahava Leibtag Entertainment Rebbis Isaac Galena The Dating Dictionary Ahava Leibtag Single Gal Wedding Guide Jessica R./Jessica M. New York Vs. Out of Town Chuck Cohen WWF star Chyna, Frum? Arye Dworken Dividing things Jewish and Goyish Isaac Galena The Jewish 80's Noach Bernstien Datin, the Cheap Way Avi Korn J-escort service Eli Goldmann "It" Girl Miriam Abramowitz Foot-IN-Mouth Epidemic Avi Korn Jaded by Zemiroth Lon Smolensky Purim Special Report Judah Levine Press Your Luck Danny Fax Upper West Side Story Arye Dworken Guta Neshama Hunting Arye Dworken Casting Calls to Conference Calls Isaac Galena		bangitout.com presents: Not-so Glamorous in Glamour 2 frum girls make into Glamour magazine - Say Shehechianu by bangitout.com fashion editor Kyra Lindsay Well ladies, we finally did it. This month, not one, but two, frum girls were featured in the upscale publication of Glamour magazine. A devoted reader (of Glamour & bangitout), I had been waiting for this day to arrive for a while now - a day where I had anticipating my chest swelling up with pride that the fashion world had finally taken notice of "the frummies". Nevertheless, I was thoroughly disappointed. You see, unfortunately, the aforementioned lucky ladies were not featured in a "fun, fearless, female" type of capacity. Rather, they cropped up (and I mean that literally) on the Do's and Don't page in the back of the magazine. For those unfamiliar with the layout of today's women's fashion publication, the Do's and Don't page is a section primarily devoted to the fashion faux-pais of today's fashionista. It's literally NO MERCY time as the editors take immense joy in "Black-barring" the celebrity, and Jane Doe, of choice. Now let's get serious for a second. Those black bars across the eyes don't conceal anything. Personally, I can pretty much always decipher whom the celebrity Dujoir is. And let's be honest - how many American's really look at Pamela Anderson's eyes? Wouldn't it make more sense for them to black bar her, um..chest?. But I digress.. One might wonder how I knew that the said-ladies were in fact frum girls. Besides the obvious attire answer - an oversized, tar-sweeping denim skirt paired with a shapeless red long sleeve shirt in 90 degree New York City weather screams Stern girl to me - I have a confession. One of the Clueless women in the photo is a close relative of mine. Close to be defined as follows: close enough for my sister to run out and buy a copy off of the newsstand, not close enough for my Mother to call Glamour and purchase all of the copies in Gotham City. Ladies - hear my pleas - this should never happen again. I say discard your frumpy - input skirt staple of your generation here - for me, it was the Biz - skirt and oversized Lands End long-sleeve shirts and embrace Fall's fashionware. Let's be honest ladies - the knee-length form flattering denim skirt and the colorful Old Navy rugby sure looks good. Don't deny that you've been humming along to the Brandy Bunch inspired Old Navy commercials (in red, and white and blue!). I believe we all can say that Morgan Fairchild is one Tzanuah Shiksa! My sista's - say goodbye to Brenda's and say hello to Donna - Karen that is - for her Fall line is simply divine. It is a veritable designer buffet out there and I urge you to embrace you man of choice. Become acquainted with Calvin, Giorgio, Salvatore, Ralph, Todd, and my personal favorite, Tristan (& America) and leave Boro Park shopping for Lulavim and Esrogim only! Follow these 5 simple rules and who knows, that guy you've been eyeing at OZ might make a bee-line for you at Supersol and next thing you know - you're discussing that platinum, 2.5 emerald-cut diamond with trillions on the side-ring that you've been dreaming of since your Bais Yacov days. RULE OF 5 · Wear black - you can never go wrong in black. It's true what your Safta's been telling you - black is very slimming. · Men love leather (i.e., tefillin) but be careful with the amount. You CAN over accessorize and your goal is to be tasteful - not Frederick's of Hollywood. So wear those knee length Nine West black boots with your knee-covering skirt of choice. · When looking for Shabbat attire advice, listen to Cake - not the food - the band. Men "want a girl with a short skirt and a long…… jacket." · Unless you're wearing it like Britney, leave your old high school uniform at home. Pair that plaid skirt with a longer-than the hem J. Crew black cable-knit sweater instead. (Ladies who are blessed with an ample backside - these sweaters should be avoided like the plague. You might think they look good but THEY DON'T! Pair your plaid skirts with a tuxedo shirt instead. · Who needs a bell around their neck when we've got corduroy. They're hotter than last season's Pashmina so wear it with pride - and let the guys know you're coming - from a mile away. And if all else fails - do what I do - wear pants. See ya next month in Maxim :) email Kyra Lindsay with comments! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From Rik928@aol.com: While I was extremely impressed that fashion tips have finally made it to bangiout.com, most fashion insiders are aware that the rule of 5 is chock full of errors. 1. While black is always safe in Gotham, gentlemen prefer red. That at least is the consensus in the poll I've been conducting since the age of 16. Additionally, anyone who has ever had their colors done knows that only a winter should wear black next to their face. While it may be slimming, brown is equally so and looks better on most women (and men for that matter). 2. Leather might sound good but suede looks and feel ever so much sexier. While it may not be as weather proof in inclement conditions, trust me it's much more slimming and men love the feel of buttery soft suede. Yet another useful fact gleaned from my ongoing survey. ;-) 3. Men want a girl with a short skirt and long legs...most don't notice the jacket so you're better off slipping into a pair of three inch heels than you are in a reefer. 4. Brittney is old and plaid is older; look for pinstripes and orthogonal design. Tuxedo shirts, however, are great for any occasion...particularly if they're sheer and worn over a body-hugging tank. 5. Last but not least, while corduroy is indeed a fashion must, it really isn't worth doing if you don't do it well and the only designer who does is Marc Jacobs. I'm only going to say it once but pay attention please...BEWARE OF GAP CORDUROY!! While the above list should in no way be considered a complete style guide, it is five steps in the right direction. Use it wisely and circulate it sparingly or the insiders may need to change the rules in order to maintain exclusivity.