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The Daily Bang Archives: The Real Slim Shloimie Eli Levin Not so Glamorous in Glamour Kyra Lindsay Jewish Honest Classified Ads Miriam Lazar and Deena Grant How to teach in English in China Sarah Galena Who wants to marry a Boro Park Millionaire martin bodek My Sister's Grand Dragon Boyfriend Alisa green 80's movie UWS Dating Lessons Remfan Modern Orthodox Quiz Ahava Leibtag National Geographic's Journey to the Upper West Side Avi Korn 60 ways to appear frum and intellectual Michael Winner and others Before the West Side was Won Momoney Questions New Yorkers can Never Answer travis from Queens TV: Bad for Israel? arye dworken Date to keep in Shape benji joffee Film: Conjuring Before G-d Jon Duker YU Chooses New Pres Eli Clark Jewish Deep Thoughts Ari Greenberg Inside Dougies Evan K. Observant Observations of OZ simmy kustanowitz Jew Years Resolutions jenn goldi Hollywood L'atid Lavoh Jordan Hiller Meeting the Parents Scorecard Gary Strong and Avi Korn Jewish Featured Headlines arye dworken Canceling Simchat Torah? Leah Granoff The UWS "Al Chaits" Isaac Galena Choose you own Dating Adventure Ahava Leibtag Entertainment Rebbis Isaac Galena The Dating Dictionary Ahava Leibtag Single Gal Wedding Guide Jessica R./Jessica M. New York Vs. Out of Town Chuck Cohen WWF star Chyna, Frum? Arye Dworken Dividing things Jewish and Goyish Isaac Galena The Jewish 80's Noach Bernstien Datin, the Cheap Way Avi Korn J-escort service Eli Goldmann "It" Girl Miriam Abramowitz Foot-IN-Mouth Epidemic Avi Korn Jaded by Zemiroth Lon Smolensky Purim Special Report Judah Levine Press Your Luck Danny Fax Upper West Side Story Arye Dworken Guta Neshama Hunting Arye Dworken Casting Calls to Conference Calls Isaac Galena		bangitout.com presents: The Jewified Version of The Real Slim Shloimie by bangitout.com lyrical genius Eli Levin Y'all act like you've never seen a yeshiva bachur before, Jaws drop to the floor Like Hevel when Cain just burst in the door And started beatin his ass worse than before they were cursed and dispersed all over the earth It's the return of the "Oh, wait, no way, you're kidding He didn't just paskin like I think he did, did he?" And Rabbi Dre says, Nothing, you shmucks! Rabbi Dre's dead, He's up in Gan Eden. Rabbaim and Ravs love chicka chicka Slim Shloimie Look at him, studyin' Walking around, Shuckling like you know what, Learning with you know who, "Yeah but he's so stark though" Yeah, I probably got a couple sfaros up in my head loose, But no worse than what's goin' on inside your shul's coatroom Sometimes I just wanna get on the bais din and let loose, and I can't, But it's cool for Arabs to stone our Israeli troops "We're on Sharem el sharif, we're on sharem el sharif, and if we're lucky, you might just give us the Gaza Strip" And that's the lesson that we teach to our little kids, And expect them not to know what a christmas tree is Of course they're gonna know who Santa Claus is by the time they get to forth grade, after all they got cable TV, don't they? We ain't nothing but Jewish, well some of us chasidic, who dance and sing around at the rebbi's tish And if we can say a bracha on cantaloupe and artichoke then there's no reason that shem Hashem can't be invoked And if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote, Kids wave your shabbos clothes Sing the chorus and it goes I'm Slim Shloimie, Yes I'm the real Shloimie all the other Slim Shloimies are just really goyim So won't the real Slim Shloimie please stand up, please stand up, please stand up Chafetz Chaim didn't have to rhyme in his books to give mussar Well I do, so say brachos and don't talk in shul You think I really care about MTV? Half the shows are pornography ABC is what's groovy "but Shloimie, isn't there a video, of the Rav giving a shiur?" Why, so you guys can try, just to get a TV in here? So you can wheel it here, a big screen from Sears Chaim Aaron had better switch me chairs, so I can learn the Rabbainu Tam and Resh Lakish, and learn how much of the succah one can furnish Yeah man, these days there's only garbage on TV, "Ooh, when chainsaws attack, hee hee" I should do a search for MP3 and see if I can find me any MBD I'm sick of all the innuendo, it's all immoral, so I'm sittin' here trying to ignore you And there's a thousand others just like me, just like me, just wanna learn like me just like me, Dress, talk and act like me Just might be, a great gemarakup, but not quite me I'm Slim Shloimie, Yes I'm the real Shloimie all the other Slim Shloimies are just really goyim So won't the real Slim Shloimie please stand up, please stand up, please stand up It's a head trip when I learn with you, cause I'm always finding you koolas for every halacha there's ever been a question to The only difference is you just like to say it in front of y'all but you don't hold by it all I'm always being stringent and whether you like to admit it I'm much stricter than 90% of the halachos out there and you wonder how I can live this way without any heters It's funny, cause at the rate I'm going when I'm thirty, I'll be the only bachelor in the bais medrash learning Getting set up by shadchin, an' I'm tryin' meetin' women and I'm datin' but none of the shiduchs are working And every single person is a Slim Shloimie lurkin' He could be dancing in the hora ring Doing the whole simcha thing Or in Boroughpark, learning, screaming "That proves the pasuk!" with sefarim open and reshonim looked up So will the real Shloimie please stand up? Thread a techalius through each tzitzus knot And be proud of your pure mind and self control, and one more time, loud as you can, how does it go? I'm Slim Shloimie, Yes I'm the real Shloimie all the other Slim Shloimies are just really goyim So won't the real Slim Shloimie please stand up, please stand up, please stand up Heh heh, I guess there's a little Shlim Shloimie in all of us ------------------------------------------------------- Send your comments to Eli Levin Have your own Jewish lyrics to a Non-Jewish song? Write one! send us them at submit@bangitout.com ---------------- Reader Comments HERE From Gedalia Goomber The Shomer Negiah song Author un-known Some girls think I'm handsome Some think I'm cute Some of them think I'm a cute muscled brute They all love me some less and some more But there's this one girl who's gone over bored She is nuts she is crazy for me If I could just make her see, if I could just make her see, That I'm shomer negiah so leave me alone You want to reach out and touch me use bell telephone Stay on your side of the line, because my bodies exclusively mine What's a girl to do with a guy like that? So cute and so slim not one ounce of fat I don't know what he sees in me After all I'm a perfect three He is nuts he is crazy for me If I could just make him see That I'm shomer negiah so leave me alone You want to reach out and touch me use bell telephone Stay on your side of the line, because my bodies exclusively mine What we've seen here today we've seen often before A couple in love who could ask for more? But the questions a difficult one Should we be good or should we have fun? With learning we will understand that Hashems is the final command I'm shomer negiah so leave me alone You want to reach out and touch me use bell telephone Stay on your side of the line, because my body's exclusively mine