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If You Dated Yourself, Would You Go Out on a Second Date?

by Isaac Galena

"If you dated yourself, would you go on a second date?"

Good Question. Would you? Hmmm. It’s certainly a weird question, and actually the topic of a recent UWS Chabad Friday night guest speaker, Rabbi Shmuel Stauber, an Imago relationship therapist. What Imago means, no one there was really sure; but you have to give Chabad credit here, they know how to pack ‘em in with a good “hot” west side dating topic. Let me tell you to begin with, Rabbi Stauber is a character. His white long beard, wise experienced eyes and charismatic deep radio personality-esque voice gave him serious Doctor/Rebbi/Wizard legitimacy as an expert in the field; that is, of course, until he proudly told us he had been married and divorced two times already. Which, judging by most of the initial facial expressions in the room, gave off the impression that this guy knew as much about relationships as John MacEnroe knows about sportsmanship.

But as the speech progressed, it was clear Rabbi Stauber, now married with a daughter, was a person who fully understood the lesson, that in relationships you need to fall off the horse a couple times in order to finally learn to ride. The lecture was entertaining, insightful and very interactive. (Interestingly enough, my table had a knack for calling out the word “sex” anytime the crowd was posed for some participation, right on!) To save you some time - here is the very very abridged version of the talk: Breaking every person into a “Fight” or “Flight” personality type conflict responsa, or as he called them “Turtles”(I’m out here! introverts) and “Hailstorms” (Attack! extroverts), Rabbi Stauber concluded that if you are one personality type (turtle or hailstorm) your partner must be the opposite. (Granted there was about 45 minutes more developing this, along with a load on wanting to re-create situations familiar from childhood, which I am conveniently leaving out primarily due to laziness and fear of encouraging mass Oedipus syndrome dating strategies) but that was the gist. So in the end – Would you go out on a Second Date? No, not in the long run. According to Rabbi Stauber, you’ll always crave to be with someone like yourself – but ultimately, you will end up with someone from the opposite side of the persona spectrum. Don’t buy it? Well here, for your reading pleasure, are some quick classic great couple examples I came up with for you to chew on – all turtles and hailstorms: Rocky & Adrian, Han Solo & Princess Leah, Kermie & Piggy, Satine & Christian, Agassi & Graff, Chandler & Monica, Adam & Eve, Beauty & The Beast, John & Yoko, Homer & Marge. It is true. Think about it.

I know, I know this theory is completely debatable on a variety of levels, but you have to admit the question is awfully interesting question to ponder. Would you go on a second date with yourself? What would you say? Wait, before you answer, I’ll give you a head start. I sent out an email to a group of friends asking them just that: “What Would You Say?” I’ve taken the liberty to share some of their responses with you folks. (For the record, I personally would not date anyone who used the word “folks”) but here goes:

“If You Dated Yourself, Would You Go Out On a Second Date?"

-I wouldn't even go on a first date with myself

-Not sure, but I'd totally want to fool around with me.

-Hmmm, I would probably want to be really good friends. Like have myself over for shabbat dinner. But I would definitely make myself bring at least a Trifle.

- I think I would be pretty annoyed not being original anymore, but if I could get over that, I think I would go on a second date. But then I would dump myself eventually cause I would be afraid that I was the type to dump me

-You thought that was a date? I thought we are just hanging out. Whoops!

- No way in hell, I’m way too unstable.

- I'd say - dude, when are we going out again? Now? You're the most fun date EVER!!!!

-No thanks. I’m not gay.

-Um no, do you know my parents??

-Of course! Who else would burp on a first date??

- Have you seen my body? Hells yeah!

-Religion would definitely be an issue.

-Probably for a few dates, but then it would just get awkward with a lot of ‘Am I really the One for Me?’ Commitment phobias

- Yeah, it’d be fun, I could do anything. I would never have to try to impress anyone, or not be myself, and I'd never get into fights! Wait, but after a while I'd get lonely. But I would definitely go on at least the second date!

-No, because I probably got fresh on the first date and I wouldn't stand for that

-I always go out on a second date, even if it’s with a complete loser.

Deep. A real set of year-book quotes. Take what you will from it. I know I’d go out with myself for a few dates, you know, ”to see and be seen”, but then of course break up due to “irreconcilable differences.” (Namely, I feel like I am hanging out more with a brother, rather than a real date. That was a joke, I am a twin. Gee, I am damn funny. Wait, shoot, maybe I should go out with myself for longer?!)

PS. Oh, and for the cheesy, yet genius tip of the day, another Rabbi Stauber goodie: West Siders - Don’t wait around for that prince or princess to come along and with a magic kiss turn you from a frog into royalty or greatness. In the real world, frogs will only get kisses from other frogs, and princes and princesses will save their lips for other princes and princesses. So get to work becoming your own self-made person, and really think about this. I mean obviously, how cool it is that frogs kiss other frogs.

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From Princess Leah
Han Solo and Princess Leia?- they are not opposites in the introvert/extrovert schema you have going on. (I'll leave my issues with THAT one aside for now, the biggest one being that there are many traits along the personality spectrum that are like that, not just introverted vs extroverted). They ARE or WERE opposites in the way that Han was an amoral, mercenary smuggler who was only out for himself and was non-conformist, outsider of society etc, while Leia Emainu was the good little Jewish girl, on several sisterhood/committees and was always working for the common good. BUT they are both extroverts! Both displayed charisma that attracted followers to them, and had leadership skills that they both ultimately put to good use. Han was a pilot/smuggler promoted to general who led a successful mission to Endor and helped rescue the princess. Leia was the princess of a planet and led the rebel attack on two death stars! She also had no problem taking control of any stiuation. So they were opposites in terms of uncouth vs refined, rogue vs member of society, etc., but not introvert vs. extrovert. Dont even get me STARTED on kermie and piggy!

From Ms Wolfgang Puck
If some of us dated ourselves and we were our opposite SEX, most of us would have to wear chastity belts or use protection