The Daily Bang

New York — In a smashing blow to the mainstream television networks, HBO is planning on launching its own new original reality TV series to be hosted by God Himself, bangitout.com has learned.

The program, which will air indefinitely, will be called “Life.”

“We had to make a lot of calls and pull a lot of strings to convince God to do this powerful event,” said Fred Silverpants, a chief HBO executive, who admitted that “Sopranos” star James Gandolfini was first offered the top spot.

“Some theologians insisted He would be coming out of retirement to do this, but thank God — pardon the pun — He agreed,” the exec said.

The basic premise of the show is to take 6 billion people and put them on one planet and have them live in harmony together.

“Sounds easy, right?” asked Silverpants, warming to the task. “Wrong. Just wait until episode #386, when Germany gets crazy.”

American Idol judge Simon Cowell was also rumored to be a frontrunner for the hosting spot, but as Silverpants commented, "Thinking you are a god, is completely different from actually being God."

The show, he said, will air in continuous 90-minute segments in real time, not counting commercials. “We stole that idea from ‘24,’ ” the popular FOX series, he admitted. "We plan on syndicating Life in every country in the world, barring France, who don't seem to get what "Life" is all about."

Silverpants acknowledged that he and other HBO officials had been a bit wary of hiring God for the major role. “He’s no Regis Philbin,” Silverpants said, noting that Philbin was approached after Gandolfini turned down HBO but was unavailable due to contractual obligations.

“But then our research guys did some Googling and found out God had written a huge best-seller, The Bible, so that was a plus. Still there were doubts.

“But it was written a long time ago and we’re worried about the 12-to-30 market and staying relevant,” Silverpants continued. “We know that TV critics would be ready to pounce if the early ratings are low, and we could just see the headlines like ‘God Awful.’

Bangitout.com got its hands on an exclusive "Life" Episode Guide and has learned that even during filming of the show itself there is challenge to God's hosting abilities. Episode #2 - entitled The Tower of Babel, Episode #302 The Jesus fiasco (entitled Oh Geez), and Episode #488 The Purim Story, all beg the question, can God exist in reality, TV?

There are times when even God himself has outstretched His arm and outwardly intervened in the show's proceedings (Episode #15 Exodus, Episode #607 Creating Microwavable Popcorn). But bangitout truly believes He is the backbone behind the show's success.

"We have faith in God and trust in Him,” the exec concluded.

HBO is lining up religious leaders of various faiths to endorse “Life,” including the Pope, Billy Graham, the Dalai Lama and Rabbi Shmuely Boteach. Life has been hailed “Eternal” by Entertainment Weekly, so stay tuned, and as God says “Choose Life” this season.
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This article was originally published in The Jewish Week Purim Edition, 2003
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