“The Yentas Are Coming”

by Sheri Bernstein



Have you heard the news going ‘round the blocks?

The one about Irving serving some bad lox?

They say he bought it on sale,

That his dinner guests turned quite pale,

After eating salmon

 That came from a can

A meal far worse than un-kosher ham.


Did you hear about Sara so sick with the flu

Coughing and wheezing and turning so blue?

Hygiene is her problem—they say, they say

It is said she sleeps in a barn full of hay

Whatever you do, don’t give her a hug

Or you just might catch her fatal bug!


They say there’s a boy who is so shy

He cannot look anyone in the eye,

They say it’s a shame

Because he’ll never get a dame

They say, they say—wait a second,

That he is me!!!


The truth is I talk to whoever I like,

Like my good friends Harry and Mike.

Aw geez, I hate it when my tongue gets all tied,

By the pretty girl going off on a bike ride


But those women who come to your house and your home

The ones who drool like a dog for its bone

For a juicy bit of news to hear

 Just watch them draw their eager ears near

They may tell you your secret’s safe with them

Clucking their tongues like a Mother hen

But don’t trust them I beg you heed

Yentas only make hearts bleed


So turn off your lights and lock the door,

The Yentas are coming evermore

Don’t say a word to these two-faced gals

Who only pretend that you are the best of pals

They’ll take your words and mutate them so

Until heartache is all you will know!

The Yentas are coming, The Yentas are coming

Did you hear what I said?

                                               So just be quiet and go to bed!!!