10. The Gestapo Gabbai – A delay on opening the aharon kodesh can cost you a year in aliyahs
9. The Candyman – Pashkez is his currency. Teeth are his victims.
8. Scarf-face – He wears his tallis over his face concealing his ultimate plan: to sleep during the rabbi's speech
7. The Whisperer – One whisper to the rabbi during davening and somehow the rabbi is under his spell
6. Lady Axe-iliary – One touch of the kiddush before adon olam, and she'll cut off your fingers
5. HafTorah-HafDrunk – He's in every synagogue in America, and the OU's Most Wanted Man
4. The Joker – You can't pass him in shul without hearing the one about the rabbi and the hooker
3. Dr. Avel – His gut-wrenching Kaddish will make you wish you didn't talk during davening
2. The Vicked Vitch – She can easily overpower you with her long winded conversations, foreign accent, and herring breath
1. The Die-Cantor – His guttural voice always makes the sinister sound of "muuuuuuuuahhhhhhhhahaha"