Top Ten Ways to Fool the Shadim at Your Wedding

10) Tell them that the chuppah is at 8:00 instead of 7:30.

 9) After lifting the veil at the b'deken, the chosson should yell, "Who the hell is this?"

 8) Tie the chosson's shoe laces together before he walks down the aisle.

 7) Instead of the traditional wedding march, kallah should enter to "She's a Brick House."

 6) Have the chosson wear a full-length mink coat over his kittel.

 5) Have the m'sader kiddushin perform the ceremony while hopping up and down on one foot and screaming like a chicken.

 4) The kesubah should be written and read entirely in Klingon.

 3) The chosson should pretend to lose the ring, then "find" it behind the kallah's ear.

 2) The brachos should be recited loud and clear so that all may hear them.

 1) At the end of the ceremony, break an authentic 14th century Ming vase.