13) You recently lost your job at "e-ruff-ruff.com" a start-up company in Malcha that created a novel way of printing dog-food coupons on your cell phone. The technology was good - damn anti-semite VCs!

12) When you're visiting the states, which your youngest son calls "Amerreeka", your kids want to eat at Burger King and they can't understand why you forbid it.

11) There is no toll to use the tunnel for your morning commute to the city.

10) "The city" means Jerusalem.

9) You send your kids to public school for free and your 3rd grader already knows Navi better than you did when you graduated.

8) You think "Nushies" is a perfectly normal name for a burger joint, and your wife took out an additional mortgage (MASHKANTA) to afford her daily cheesecake and ice coffee at the new coffee shop!

7) Your house in Zayit is closer to the center of Bethlehem than to the center of Efrat, i.e. the pizza store

6) You can be considered a perfectly good Zionist and take all of your vacations to Europe (mostly on frequent flyer miles from business trips)

5) Your parents made you buy a BP vest for your commute, but you use it mostly for lumbar support in your company car - a silver Mazda Lantis.

4) You will consider visiting Bet Shemesh where your leftist ex-friends from NY live, but only if your co-worker assures you that the bris will be catered by Holy Bagel and will include lox.

3) Last time you visited the kotel was when your grandmother came in for Pesach - you would go more often but the parking is terrible.

2) You have 4 weeks of vacation a year - not including Jewish holidays!

1) You ride the bullet proof commuter bus to your work at a high tech company, but for social reasons rather than to avoid the bullets.