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The Kosher Top 10

Top 10 Jewish last names that Suck
(this is a necessary evil)

by
seth@bangitout.com


10. Manishevitz (Shlivovitz on Passover)

9. Schmuckler

8. Dickman

7. Heinous

6. Hyman

5. tie: Breslav & Jekovsky

4. Focker ('Meet the Parents' reference)

3. Lipshitz

2. Fallick

1. The obvious winner.....Weiner

www.bangitout.com


Readers Comments: SUBMIT
 

From Shlomo
My dad had a friend named Willy Dick, his wife’s name, no kidding, was Aida. 

From Esskar
Hey - you forgot the most important Jewish name that sucks
Lewinsky


From Milla

HAN(D)FLING? c'mon now. what was grandpa thinking when he came over to Ellis Island?

From brudbabe
dickstein

From Asher
I was speaking to friends about naming children and they mentioned an Israeli couple that recently had twins. They chose two harmless popular names that otherwise wound not cause a stir. Nonetheless in this day and age when people have to use their names in places outside of Kefar Saba It might be a good idea to check what the name means in other languages not as popular as Hebrew. I am sure Shai and Alon will make a lot of friends.
Here are a few more names to think about.

Problematic Names for Multi-cultural (Hebrew/English) People FIRST NAMES:
Shai - שי - A bashful gift?

Alon - אלון - A loner with leaves?

Mor- מור - additional fragrances

Moran - מורן - Are you stupid?

Osnat - אוסנת - Your nose running?

Tefat- טפת - Might be Solomon's daughter, but come on?

Tahel - תהל -Ta what?

Dudu - דודו - Guess

Dikla - דיקלה - A palm for her

Dedi - דדי - Lively name

Yoni - יוני - If you have been East you know what I'm talking about

LAST NAMES:
Shitrit - שיטרית - duh

Asspiss - אספיס - This is a real name

Pines - פינס - Pronounced…

from Susan D.
Ballski
Zitz
Bacon
Dickler
Keiker
Schnotz
Amir
Shainda
Fattman
Schlonger
Clapp
Schnoz
Peer
Schlepman
Fagen
Fagela
Kuntzsky
Assman
Haman
Shitalsky
Shitstein
Rasch
Hoocker
Aynnis
Heiny
Ganev



From Masha
Eichmann

From zahavak
What about Tzvi Hirsh while we're on the double-headers. Or Dov Ber?

from Charlie Kleiner, Teaneck, NJ
I went to YU high school and in the girls division there was a girl named Claire Pecker. My mother-in-law had a cousin named Yetta Hitler. I have a friend named Lee Yasolovsky; his wife kept her maiden name. Charlie Kleiner, Teaneck, NJ

From Marc Wilson:
REAL Names from My Previous Life
Itsche Merkin
Fische Caviar
Fische Weisel (accent on first syllable, the way it was for Elie until he became fancy)
Pierre Flatowicz

From Capnkarl

While reading the dead ads in philly i found the following:
1. Schmuck
2. Putz
3. Boob
Can you beat them?

From One Jewess
Suher: usually (and deliberately) mispronounced as Sewer, while actual pronunciation is Shure (so I had mine re-arranged!)

From Phsycogirl24@aol.com
this one is really the worst: Fucksman! i swear it's a real last name - i saw it in the newspaper! and last week this chassidish man came into the store where i work and told me that his last name was Sprung. i couldn't keep a straight face! and then there's also those poor people with the last name Jerkofsky! When i was in school we had a substitute named Mrs. Lipshitz. one of my friends came up with the perfect line for that one: "if her lip sh**ts, my a** talks"!!! And, last but not least, one of my former classmates who i hated (who in hindsight i pity): Kraindy Lokshin. what kind of parents name they're kid kraindy? or keep the last name lokshin?

From Danielle
Sorry but my last name takes the cake -
S-Z-P-I-L-Z-I-N-G-E-R
try pronouncing that
(and no my last name is not shprizter, splitzinger, spritxginger...)

From Niki Wiener
Attention Nate Wiener: 
Dude, I'm with you in your pain, at least i get to change my name in the near future!

From YM
You forgot Jerkowitz


Frum leah@ecb.co.il:
Azulay means "almana zona ugrusha lo yikach"
 it's a Cohen name. not a bad name at all.

Frum Scott Free:
"the stupid name theorum"
Since the the end of the second world war, american Jews have been searching for the entymology behind their inane family names. I put forth to you that these names were meant to be a racist joke -a prank so secret that only the the Immigration officials at Ellis Island were given clearance. Without further ado.
The Top Ten Most Unfortunate Jewish Last Names
10. Bearwanker
9. Fuchs
8. Dillburg
7. Wackoff
6. Galena
5. Buttwyler
4. Stonerman
3. Kutznutzov (a famous family of mohels)
2. Muffburger
1. Lipshitz
just missing the number 11 spot was "uglier than jaron" everyone please have a happy and healthy new year - except for d'turei karta.


FRUM Heather Price:
-Pennes (Guess how my husband, the teacher, pronounced this name when he was calling roll the first day of school?)
-Gassman

FRUM bencharick@yahoo.com:
10. Dorfman - Why????
9. Dickstien - Change it! Please! I can't talk to
people with this name and keep a straight face
8. Schreck - Do yourself a favor and pick up a
Yiddish dictionary to see what your stupid name means
7. Kugeler - Hate to break it to you, but your name
sucks crap
6. Cox - OK maybe it isn't Jewish but it really,
really, really sucks
5. Jakov - pronounced Yakov, bet everyone pronounces
it Jack-off
4. Blobsky - this guy hates his name so bad but
refuses to change it
3. Fishman - we all know one, you should all change
your name - it sucks
2. Hertz - 'specially if your first name is Richard
or Heddy
1. Luzer - pronounced LOOZER - I actually know this
person, he is Israeli and has no clue that his name
sucks so bad that his kids want end it all right now

From Avi Balser:
Yes, this is my name:
Avi Balser - Often pronounced as the plural of "ball" + "er"

From Danborsuk@aol.com:
Shlomo Pines - maimonidean scholar. the name is pronounced pin-NEZ.

From ZIPP975@aol.com:
Seman

From Benetton15@aol.com:
You left out Blatter! For example, consider the unlucky couple Duddie and Peshy Blatter. And the rebbe who is describing the wild Blatter child to a co-teacher and says, "That Blatter was out of control today." And the plumber - "I think the Blatters have a leak" ... I'm really sorry if any Blatters are reading this. I know some Blatters, and I think you are great people, but ... you really should change your name.

From Matty:
What about these classics: Dick, Mindick,and Schlanger (I personally know one of each.)
----

from Seth again - Einstien, Spielberg, Freud, Soloviechick, (these are names you have to live up to)

From Anonymous Shmuckler,:
I grew up with the name Shmuckler and definitely agree that it is one of the worst. As far as I'm concerned it is number one!!

From David Abitbol , Montreal, Qc:
I was going over subscriber data for a Sephardic paper in Montreal and came across the suckiest one of all -
"Hardon"....Can you imagine????

From Nate Wiener, Allentown, PA:
At least spell it correctly!

From Steve Faiwiszewski ,
Add this one to the list, right after Dickman: Kratchman (or is it Krachman?).

From Riverdale G , Riverdale, NY
What about Fuchs
, Fingerer
, Azoulay(it descends from references to prostitutes)
and Oldberg,(a take on goldberg)

From Sherrie Neustien , Tufts U
top10 jewish names: Neustien