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The Kosher Top 10
Top 10 ways to know
you are a Jewish Brit on the Upper West Side
by
10. In shul, people confidently ask which part of
Australia you come from.
9. After date, girls want to take you back to their bedroom, so that they
can use your voice for their answer-machine.
8. You can say the words "Yabba Dabba Doo" and people think
you're a genius.
7. You think "shampoo and conditioner in one" is a new
invention.
6. You say London, American Jews will automatically mention the fact that
they heard of Golder's Green or Hendon. it's like clockwork. Try
it.
5. When you're told that a girl is conservative, you think that just means
she's well-mannered.
4. When you tell a girl that you want to "Knock her up",
you mean wake her up in the morning so she won't be late.
3. New Yorkers think that asking you to have tea with them at 4 in the
afternoon is amusing (even thought the British haven't had afternoon tea
since 1958!).
2. Your American friend thinks that you have to be deferential to him as
America helped out the British during WW2, even though both your
grandparents came from the same village in Poland.
1. You can say the words "bollocks", "shag", and
"nob" (popular English swear words) in public without anyone
understanding.
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From Baila
The second someone hears your accent they go "Your British!" They then
call their friend over and command you to speak for them
Everyone attempts to do a British accent in front of you and asks
you if they did it right
From Smilee CBM
Your native friends get you to ask for directions-they're too ashamed to be
lost in their own city.
when you finally find a shopassistant, they don't want to help you, just hear
you talk.
your computer doesn't recognize your spelling.
When you say you're from Birmingham, they say but you don't have an accent
(they should only hear a Brummie speak!)
From Jeremy Ross UWS resident 2000-2001
Ten other ways you know you're a brit on the west side...
10) Oh I love your accent, (normally girl to guy) but anyway You're from England.... You must know "so and so"??
9) You avoid mentioning Vietnam
8) People accuse you of being unable to spell! - Do me a FavoUr!
7) People give you this grin when you talk about the "flat" you're living in and how the "lift" takes ages to get there..
6) Give me a tinkle does not allude to going to the toilet (and I don't mean bathroom..!)
5) Nor does give me a buzz have a sexual connation..
4) When people say I like your pants - you get all embarrased..
3) People are surprised when you do an Austin powers impressions so authentically. - Yeah baby...!
2) You tread very gently around Americans when you mention history - regarding approximately 200 years ago... and tea.
1) Tea goes with Milk!!!
Cheers
From Daniel Schlosberg
:
1. A classic addition to the tea issue:
People ask if you have tea & crumpets at 4, even though no Brit in
his/her right mind would dream of using that word.
2. The locals can't understand how you don't think that Benny Hill
is the funniest commedian of all time from across the pond
3. Finally - try mentioning the term : "To table an issue" and
see what the responses are.
From
1. Can you say 'tomato' for me again?
2. Can you teach me some new English words?
3. Can you speak slower because I don't understand your accent?
4. Where is a 'cinema'?
5. Hows the Queen doing? Is she still alive? (numerous occasions)
From
1. People ask you when you came from south africa.
2. everyone tries to mimic your accent.
3. they always ask you to be chazan.
4. everyone assumes your from london, since thats the only part of england
they've ever heard of.
5. everyone always tries to get you to speak.
6. as soon as your mention your british, girls always want to talk to you, if
ony to hear you. (true)
7. you can amuse yourself by talking in british slang, and then staring at
their confused faces.
8. people want to know if you like monty python.
9. and by the way, i am a british jew in america. though not in ny, so you
can take my word for all of these.
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