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The Kosher Top 10
Top ways to
Halachically Justify your
Un-shomer negia Behavior
by yehuda gantz and tzippy
meyersdorf
10. Just wait 6 hours in between
9. Do it b'derekh shinui. Kiss with your left tongue.
8. It doesn't count if you didn't have kavanah at the time.
7. Say you're acting as a shaliach mitzvah .
6. Since the destruction of the temple, we never truly enjoy anything
anymore.
5. Have in mind not to be Motzei
4. Make sure you leave the door open at least one tefach.
3. Tell the rabbi you were checking, um, for blood spots?
2. Since 'Tav lematav tan du me'lemaitav armelado', you ' re
actually performing a chessed!
1. If infrequent, it's considered batel b'shishim.
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From Tsirelefrat@aol.com
- it is NEGIA LETZORECH SHIMUSH.
- if you don't do it, it's HEFSED MERUBE
-don't we say, HANA'ROS HALALU KODESH HEM, VE'EIN LANU RESHUS LESHAMESH BAHEN ELLA LIR'OTAN BILVAD!
from J. Efram Taub, NYC:
-Use the back(s) of your hand(s)--kil'achar yad
-Do it during bein hashmashos
-If she is singing at the same time, they cancel out, because you
won't be able to concentrate properly on one or the other. (Kal Vachomer
if he sings; she'll run away.)
-It can actually be an effective geder: Julia Roberts, in
"Pretty Woman", skipped all the way to second base ("I
don't kiss on the lips"); maybe she wouldn't have felt compelled to
give herself up for znus if she had thought that she could stay
at first.
-As the haggadah says, zu prishus derech eretz!
-Kol Hamarbeh Sicha Im Haishah, Harei Zeh Meshubach
From chuckles from montreal:
" lechatchila it should have been toch c'dei dibur. bedieved, it has to be withind c'dei achilas pros"
From Aryeh Steinamn:
You were doin it out of ''Ahavas yisroel''
From Danielle:
"Do it in 18 minutes."
From Steven Schwartzberg:
P'ru Ur'vu.... Hachanah L'Mitzvah
From ECohen:
It's your parnasa, and necessary to supplement the shvach kolel stipend
from
Niki Wiener:
-you were wearing gloves so it doesnt count
from Mend100@aol.com
- You received a Heter Kiruv......Kiruv Basar (meat/ flesh)
- You were careful that your kippa was securely on your head the whole time. If it happened to fall off, you promptly stopped what you were doing and
put your kippa back on.
- You're Lubavitch
from Steve
Shickman
Say that you really aren't "Nogeiah B'davar."
It wasn't l'shmah.
Yad Soledes Bo.
Play the Bill Clinton Card, "I touched, but i didn't feel."
from
Anthony G
Kli Shlishi
It says "Arise like a lion" QED.
Screaming OMG in the throws of passion is considered prayer
Yehi ratzon... sheyehai eysek zeh li'rfua
She wanted to find out how big a tefach is
She was just checking if my bris went ok
If its your first time you can say a shehecheyanu
From Anonymous, Jerusalem
OMG I LOVE YOU!!!!
Thank you, thank you, thank you
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