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The Kosher Top 10
Top Ten Jewish Super Heroes
by The Bangitout Staff
10. Engagement Girl - With the power of her diamond ring, she suddenly doesn't have to be nice anymore
9. Rabbi Doctor, Doctor Rabbi -His split personality allows this super rabbi to sneak in and out of modern society undetected
8. Supershmuck - In New York City, he's seemingly everywhere.
7. Apikores Boy - The trusty sidekick of most ivy league Jewish philosophy professors
6. Dr. Toofrum - He has the unknowing power of being condescending in any conversation
5. Minyan girl - She has suddenly been given the powers to lain and daven, but no one has a clue of the source for her powers.
4 Fleish Gordon - Meaty Chulent is what gives him his speed!
3. Z'Man - Instills the power of being precise about exactly when you can light candles
2. The Incredible Hock - His utility belt consists of 100 useless keys, 3 beepers, a walkie-talkie and a magnet bencher/tefillat Ha derech. If something is wrong, his hocker senses (beeper) starts vibrating.
1 The Shmorg - He can manage sushi, roast beef, Chinese food and pareve ice cream all on one plate
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From Fishstyx:
Super Macher- With the
hatzolah radio, designer cell phone with funky ringers, and fancy garb,
he is what The Incredible Hock claims he is.
Yent-devil- avoid starting conversations with her at all cost.
never tell her anything unless you want the whole town knowing
about it. after all, Yent-devil's business is...YOURS.
Teenage Rebbe- after one summer in NCSY kollell, he has frummed out
prematurely (before shana aleph in Israel). Although he still
holds the starting position on the yeshiva basketball team, he actually
shows up to and participates in gemara shiur, and now (gasp) davens
three times a day, he just doesn't party the way he used to.
Marlboro Boy- the staple freshman who entered high school with a
preferred brand of cigarettes. his mission -- to corrupt the ickle
youth surrounding him who still think that pot is a cooking utensil and
camel is a desert animal.
Kiddush Club- spreading truth, justice, and good booze everywhere to
those who just can't wait till mussaf is over to get trashed with their
closest friends.
Candyman- best friends of shul-going dentists everywhere; he
increases their clientele proportionately with his magic bag of
confections for children of all ages.
Shushhhy- the most annoying super villain out there. he
appears when you're in the midst of a heated conversation during
daveningabout (sports, real estate, the stock market, politics, making
fun of the rabbi, commenting on that girl u were checking out on the
other side of the mechitza) and sprays you with his venerous
"SHUSH!!!!!!" followed by a loud clop on the bench.
BalliBustas- what list of Jewish heroines is complete without the
most unsung heroines out there? Much as we do not appreciate the
hours of hard work they spend living the stereotype of Jewish mothers,
we still love them deep down in their hearts.
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