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The Kosher Top 10
Top Ten Signs You Went to Camp STONE
by Steven I. Weiss
10) You can name which Avodah built every structure in camp.
9) You don't understand what other people are saying when they talk about waiters at camp.
8) Your ambition is to one day escape from a terrorist kidnapping, just like Yehuda Rothner.
7) You thought the camp went soft when it built a swimming pool.
6) You derive eerie pleasure from duckwalking on a gravel road in the middle of the night, then doing push-ups in an oil-taintaed puddle.
5) You went to the only camp that had legal raids.
4) You woke up in the middle of your sophomore year and realized that somewhere between half and all of your wardrobe consists of "irregular" sports clothing that you picked up at the Champion Factory Outlet.
3) The word "stoner" never really had a narcotics association for you.
2) Bruce beat/tortured you in some way you'll never forget, and/or you recall JoJo's castration.
1) You think everyone at Wild Rose and IO is going to hell.
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From
David Sicherman - a 30 year old who never left Camp Stone
Cleveland Ohio (currently Columbus OH)
Camp Stone attendee 1983 - 1989
1. You built your bathroom 300 feet up a hill from your house just so you
can march in flip-flops and a bathing suit up to it to shower once a week.
2. Your wife wonders why you keep all your clothes, a kosher jar of
marshmallow fluff, 6 cans of shaving cream and a dozen candy bars in a
footlocker under your bunk bed.
3. You make your family line up in their Shabbats best every Friday night
outside their rooms for inspections and then hand out grade cards and things
they can improve.
4. You are still searching for a place that will take your laundry, and
return it all pink and stiff as cardboard in neat paper packages the next
day.
5. You got kicked out of your Shul for jumping over garbage cans at
wedding dinners and Kiddush's for jumping over 12 garbage can while people
were dancing.
6. On the last day of any vacation, you pass paper plates around to all
your new friends to sign them.
7. You can't help but wish you had an ex Israeli soldier around to field
dress all those outdoor injuries
8. You have a dozen old coffee cans that have a puddle of water, some mud
and rocks and 12 newts in it.
9. IF you still debate in your head who was a better garbage can jumper,
Akiva or Yehuda and you and your friends recreate their great garbage can
jumping moments.
10. You are in prison for breaking and entering into your neighbor's
house, stealing their clothes and hiding it a block away at the local
doctor's office, TP'ng their trees and writing insults all over your
neighbor's house in shaving cream. Because of you the federal laws have
been changed to impose mandatory sentences on 3rd strikes for this offense
now known as "The Raid Offence".
From Joey Selesny, Shevet Dror
You know when you've been to Stone when...
..You know how to jump-start Tova by rolling her down the hill and popping the clutch
..You can't imagine eating without some kind of cartoon character on your plate
..You have conquered Killer Hill
..You know which people don't mind if you hike 100 kids through their property
..You actually KNOW that you can survive with just a Swiss Army Knife and Twine
..You come to Stone, you come from near and far...
..Does your dog bite?
..When in doubt,you put on hiking boots in the morning because you'll probably be hiking somewhere
..You know how to locate an underground stream to be used as a fridge during the chutz
..All you need is a couple of blankets, twine and some rocks and you're all set
..You are given a blow torch and asked to get rid of the beehive our wasp nest in your bunk
..You know how to catch a bat
..You are known by the the guys in the barber shop in "downtown" Sugargrove cuz you go to the "Jew Camp"
..You think all Amish people are named Yoder
..You get excited when you see Dump Road
..You can't wait to get to Chautauqua!
..You know how to read a Topo map better than a US Ranger
..You had riflery (sp?) with real rifles
..You want to ride Bruce's ATC and he gives you the response..,"yeah...RIGHT" in that cackley way
..You can't decide which punishment is worse...Pots after Shabbos, garbage cans or the dreaded dumpsters
..You know that Jim Black is closest thing to a Gaon that a non-Jew can achieve
..You ALMOST hit at least 25 deer over the summer when driving down the road to Camp
..You know where the old outdoor Beit Knesset, old omega etc... are located
..You know there is nothing that "can't" be built
..You wish you could go back there every summer even though you have a wife and two kids
From
From Noam Weinberger, Highland Park, NJ and Yitzy Paul, Silver Spring, MD
You Know You Went To Stone (espescially 2003 2nd Session) when...
12. ...machane chutz means campers rule the camp while tzevet sleeps
13. ...machane chutz also means that two people walking along the street turn into two arab black guys driving tanks with colossal mutant bears chaned to them and have chain saws with that have rocket launchers on them!!!
11. ...you dont think a color war breakout is good unless it makes people cry (and preferably throw up too)
v10. ...you dont find it weird that there ar Amish people building the Beit Hamikdash
9. ...you think all head counselors should kiss farm animals
v8. ...the best way to lock the showers is to go to the bathroom in them
7. ...the best way to unlock the showers is to go mudsliding
6. ...no matter how much free ice cream you get on Shabbat, the idea of getting some for answering a question is exciting
5. ...a normal activity is renovating the camp
4. ...'photography' means 'playing cool Australian sports'
3. ...you always run away from the dancing on Shabbat until you suddenly realize you enjoy getting as sweaty as possible
2. ...when you get home you dont understand why anyone would seperate a spork into a spoon and a fork
1. ...you dont understand it when people laugh everytime you say your 'a hardcore stoner'
From Uri Weiss, Cleveland O-H-I-O
10. If you have ever stayed up all night,
just waiting to raid a bunk, try to wake your freinds up,
but they wont wake up, decide to do it yourself, and amazingly... it
never happens.
9. If you have ever stayed up
all night, waiting to be raided by 9th grade girls after a kid in
your bunk makes some CRAZY rumor that the 9th grade girls will raid your
bunk, you beleive him for some stupid reason, and it never happens.
8. If you have ever had a TP
fight w/ the bunk next to you (in your cabin) on the last night of camp
when the counselors were out, knowing that Yehuda will come into
your bunk early the next morning and yell at you.
7. If Yehuda found out about
something that nobody ELSE knew about.
6. If you ran out of
the chadar ochel to escape dancing on shabbat, ran to your bunk,
herd crazy-Y (Yehuda) coming, JUMPED in to your annex and hid from him
and stayed there for an hour, scared to death.
5. If you have
ever caught 4 frogs and 6 toads.
4. If it was your birthday,
and Uzi took that whole 'flag raising' gig from you, even though your
freinds were pointing at you and yelling at Uzi... And then you just
walk up there with Uzi and get told to go to your bunk.
3. If you are really
looking forward to those cool dogg tag things that you get in machal.
2. If you sing camp songs at
school and talk to your freinds about working at camp when you are older
(i guess i dont exactly fit those terms... :-/)
1. If u have gone to
stone, and r not a poser!!!!!
From Rachel Stein- Atlanta, Georgia
1. it NEVER rains, it just slightly mists
2. the marp is only good for cough drops
3. you've broken a floorboard in the chadar
ochel
4. you can just never look at a spatula the
same way (or a fork, spoon or knife)
5. you can shower anywhere...sinks, lakes,
mikvahs
6. head lice isnt neccesarilly a bad thing
7. you know every chevra song by heart
8. you know that "peepee tzahov lo
tov, peepee lavan metzuyan"
9. you have a pile of unsent camp stone
postcards from letter night
10. you can sing the camp song while forming
a human pyramid.
BY ALANA AND LOUISA
10. YOU'VE GONE OVER 3 WEEKS WITHOUT SHOWERING AND YOU STILL THINK YOU SMELL GOOD.
9. THE GIRLS AND THE BOYS HAVE THE SAME SHORTS AND THEY THINK THAT ITS REALLY COOL.
8. YOU CANT HAVE A FRIDAY NIGHT WITHOUT EATING AT LEAST 7 CUPS OF JELLO IN SALAD DRESSING CONTAINERS.
7. IT IS HAILING OUTSIDE AND YOU ARE STILL ON THE CHUTZ.
6. IF EVERY WORD YOU EVER SAY IS 6 LETTERS AND ONCE YOU SAY THE FIRST THREE, YOU CLAP THREE TIMES, AND THEN SAY THE LAST THREE
5. THE SECOND YOU WALK INTO YOUR HOUSE, YOU TAKE OUT A PERMANENT MARKER AND START WRITING YOUR NAME ON THE WALLS
4. MARTIN HAS BEEN YOUR SHIUR TEACHER, YOUR SPORTS COUNSELOR, AND YOUR BEST FRIEND
3. YOUR 3 BEST FRIENDS AT CAMP, ARE AN ISRAELI, AN AMISH, AND A PERSON FROM MISSOURI (ALANA!!)
2. IF YOU STARTED A TETHER BALL TEAM AT YOUR SCHOOL (JULIE!!),
1. IF YOU WERE THE BEST COLORWAR CAPTAINS EVER IN 2003-- LOUISA BRINN, ALANA BARON, DOVID ROSS, MAYNIE AZOSE, SARAH SIEGEL, TRACI SIEGEL, RONI ZEMELMAN, AND DANIEL DAVIS.
From Netanel
... if you've ever stayed up all night watching
400 bags of laundry
... if you've desperately sat with the Motorola all night, hoping that someone is awake and they could
get you more detergent/quarters/laundry
... if you had to skip parashat shavua on shabbat
to go feed the horses ... if you found the horses are gone and you have no idea where they are
... if you've been offered a ride in a blue van or a tractor, and you chose the tracotr because it was less dirty ... if you've been offered a ride in a blue van or a tractor, and you chose the blue van because you never know just what you might find there
... if people told you you smelled like horse-poo and you thanked them
... if you've had to chase a run-away goat around camp
... if you were told to tackle the goat in order to
catch it
... if you find it exciting to be drenched with sweat, and stuck in a room with 400 people who are the same way
... if throughout your whole month in camp, it always rained
... if throughout your whole month in camp, it never rained, only misted
... if you ever found yourself walking in mud/goat-poo at midnight, wondering how you got their in the first place, and why you didn't do it earlier
From Emily Jacobs and Kayla Prince ( the best color war captains EVER!)
REASONS U NO UR A TRUE STONER
u get depressed when u think about the swing that got cut down
u remember seeing edah daled doing weird hand motions that only edah daled understands
u get excited when the Jello comes out on shabbat
u no all about the swings and water fountains at camp
everytime somebody claps you start singing papa shark ( with the newest hand motions)
hotdogs just arent good unless there cooked over a fire pit and covered in dirt
there were 2 guys with a chained bear!! and an axe and they were coming to hurt us on the chutz!
every time u see a van u think "up chuk truck!"
none of the oldest girls pay for haircuts anymore
you consider brooms deadly weapons
every time u daven mincha u think of the crazy guys and there karbon
you put all your energy into making every day great and amazing just like aaron
u think of grape faygo as a drug!
when u dress innapropriatley u expect a shopping trip!
u think that the color war names are REALLY messed up
and finally your newest goal is to sweat as much as yehuda
From Evan Zauder -
Toronto, Canada
1) You also think that Ennismorons are going to Hell.
2) You must find a body of water to rhyme with the name of the Rosh Mosh,
in order to throw him in. (Jake).
3) Every Shabbat was more awesome than any of the previous Shabbatot in
Machane history.
4) You think building a scale model of the Beit Hamikdash on main
Migrash, turning the Shekem shack into a golden calf, almost bringing a
Korban Minchah, or dying Techeilet is a normal Tochnit.
5) You think that ever since camp has had more than 100 Chanichim, that
it is HUGE!!!!!
6) You have a laundry announcement for the Tzevet meeting.
7) Perry's ice cream is the best in the world.
8) Whenever you see a row of garbage cans, you have the strange
inclination to scream, throw your hands in the air, and jump straight
over them.
9) You think it's normal for Amish people to build everything.
10) Speaking to Yehuda Rothner is sort of like jumping off your first
cliff in Algonquin into the lake...you know that it will be a rush, but the
prospect scares the heck out of you.
11) Your last name is "Yoursofine."
12) You think that it is perfectly normal to soak through your clothes
during Shabbat dancing, and then hug any person who has done the same.
13) When the Rosh Mosh holds up the last ice cream during Machane
trivia, you instinctively stand up, in order that you may sprint to the
middle of the room the instant the question has been answered.
From wberger:
15. Color War is more that a game, it is an adrenal dependence
14. Who would believe that wooden planks suspended by metal chains could
occupy so much time?
13. Does anyone actually know where Supergrape still resides? (to clarify, I
do)
12. Life's goal: To be the subject of Machane Trivia
11. I miss the loading dock!
10. Tetherball is life
9. Still traumatized by shabbos-walks, yet upset that they no longer exist
(strange)
8. Jello shots
7. Remember when the Sisco truck coming meant there was shekem that day (and
only that day)
6. Dream about Chesters and wonder (lament) that they were "discontinued"
5. Santa at breakfast is nothing new (nor the Thanksgiving turkey or halloween
pumpkin for that matter)
4. Warren county fair, mmmmm cows
4. cont. Gerry Rodeo is a highlight of the summer
3. Why were boys showers under girls Tzevet? very embarrassing
2. With all due respect, the Weiss' (whatever spelling you so desire) did rule
the camp
1. You actually believe that it never rains in Camp Stone
from Ronit Horwitz
you know you're from camp stone if:
1) you mock every other camp's color war breakout because it isnt anywhere near as interesting as yours
2) you get lessons from your rosh machal on how to be annoying in the most constructive way possible
3) you sing a disgusting song about a cannibal king when you're asked to sing your machal song
4) you have ice cream four times within 3 days
5) you start shouting "color war breakout" whenever your rosh mosh and sgan are flirting
6) You go on strike when you don't get all the ice cream you deserve
7) you get chased into the dinign room by people on horseback
8) you have no clue what in heavens name an infermary is, but you can give someone every little detail about the marp and its use
9) you plotted the most wonderful raids only to be disapointed and told that you cant do that raid since it isnt original enough
10) you go on a five hour hike, the whole time not knowing where you're headed
11) you come back from a long day at six flags after midnight, only to realise that all your mattresses were stolen by machal
12) you go on an 8 hour drive in a school bus
13) you have the same "kermit the frog" bus driver for three years in a row
14) you've asked your counselor what a shabbat walk and she tells you "there is no such thing as a shabbat walk" and yet you see her on shabbat walking hand in hand with a member or plugah
15) your counselors preach to you the importance of being shomer negiyah, yet the same rules dont apply to them
16) you set up your counselor with every possible tzevet member of the opposite sex
17) you wake up early -TO LEARN- because thats the only way you'll be able to warm up in the morning
18) you go on a 10 mile hike the first day in camp
19) kol ish applies
20) you are able to figure out that the chutz starts today because you have a perfect schedule
From Michael kadish, Jacksonville, Florida
10 Singing during kablat Shabbat makes you think of the old Heathcliff cartoons.
9 You look for puns in the torah reading.
8 You look to see which players played for the Jamestown Jammers.
7 You know that his dog doesn't bite; but that isn't his dog.
6 You know why Sammy Kadish's aim profile is chiknnug80.
5 You know it's truly a privelidge to use pay phones.
4 You know it's cheating to take paper table cloths on a chutz.
3 You look forward to the chutz so that you can use knives and lighters (Campers).
2 You find any possible way to get out of the chutz (Counselors).
1 You know it's a matter of time till they take down the tetherball.
From Shlomo Heching, Monsey
You know you went to Stone if:
You’re 21 and considered to be an older person
When you are home on Shabbat mornings you ask your mother for something with riboflavin
You get up at 6am to play tetherball
When you sing Tzur Mishelo you immediately think garbage cans
You get excited when you hear the word “town”
You bow and say Ka-ya-tana
You have ever carried cinder blocks from one place to another for no apparent reason
You are “Aged to Perfection”
You think you may only walk somewhere if there is an eruv surrounding your entire journey
You feel hungry after not eating for two full hours
From moofly:
Abby and Malka: You've
gone to the bathroom outside more times than inside
From Joshua Tzvi Skarf:
10)You know exactly when the bowling alley, Friendly's, and the movie theaters close according to camp time.
9) You learned how to drive stickshift on a tractor
8) You can name every Bnei Akiva shevet, but only dating back to 1979
7) You refer to plungers as "Bertha"
6) You refer to tongs as "chappers"
5) You never, ever touch strawberry ice cream
4) You've sat shotgun in a car where the driver sleeps at red lights
3) You don't quite define a "lake" the same way as other people
2) You have a tremendous grasp on the halachot of water fountains and swingsets on Shabbat
1) When you hear certain songs you start singing different words than everyone else, dating back to some obscure shir hamachane.
From gila_feinblum@hotmail.com:
10. Dean! He knows more about Kashrut and can speak Hebrew (and Yiddish)
better than some of the kids...
9. You're still vleishig at breakfast on Sunday morning, because of 2 am
ribs and spicy fries
8. Tzevet: Pre-camp Friendlies, Day-off Friendlies and post-hospital
Friendlies. Where you ask Karen, the manageress if the Hot-fudge sauce is
kosher. And she knows the answer.
7. Jim Cain games
6. Color war MUST end with the Rosh Mosh in the pool, waving a damp piece of
paper
5. The old-school kids know the month's schedule better that the tzevet..
"Well, if it's first week, it must be the layna..."
4. Second month '02: Bang bang you're dead!!
3. Rabbi "Bee" Krohn in the sha'at shut: "What are you doing?"
2. Sugar Grove: "The sweetest little place on earth"
1. Yehuda ! I mean... Segev !
From Nadav and Ben Recca Atlanta, Georgia:
You know you went to Camp Stone if....
1. You've thought of every possible way to get out of the Cheder Ochel on
Friday Night
2. You know yehuda so well, but youve never spoken to him
3. you cheat the system for double sheckem
4. you know the kings of stone - Sammy Kadish and Benjy Wilson
5. you knew to bring a pair of pliars to camp if you wanted to shower
6. You thought of new creative ways to rearrange your bunk furnature
7. You made sure to bring a lot of water for friday hikes - not to drink, to
pour on other people
8. Youve tried to sneak to the side of the misrad during the staff meetings
to call home
9. If you get to the chader ochel early, you switch your cereal with
somebody elses
10. two words: blueberry stuff
11. you know all the people who posted at this topic.
12. You came back to be a counselor
13. you bring rope to build a hammok on the chutz
14. You know how to bribe shmirah with food
15. youve been there so long, on shabbos you read ahead and try to guess the
next aliyah's questions
16. you hate machal
17. you love machal
18. second session is for losers.
18.5 you avoided food on the chutz so you woulnt have to use the bathrooom
19. you pick your bed based on it's angle for shmugie wars
20. you're upset that camp builds the ping pong tables and nice showers
AFTER you leave
21. if you didnt grab the shekem bag, chances are you wont get any.
22. Yehuda would sleep with a motorola under his pillow - if he ever slept
From
stupifyed@hotmail.com
You are perfectly good at clogging/unclogging toilets
If you have ever been to an air force base in Youngstown, OH
If you have ever heard of the Jamestown Jammers
To you, Motorola means walkie talkie
You are just totally awesome
If you have ever gotten your laundry back with a pair of underwear belonging to the opposite sex
If chicken nuggets excite you
From
Debbie and Shira
You know you're a true Stoner when…
You react to the “Modeh Ani” song faster than any alarm clock.
You’ve had a crush on at least one the Jamestown Jammers (for girls…mostly)
You know exactly where to stand on the basketball court to see into the swimming pool.
Your Rosh Mosh and Skanit have either dated or gotten married.
It’s a surprise! = I don’t know and the Rosh Mosh himself has no idea.
There are always 20 minutes left till the end of the hike.
You’ve seen Amish kids sneaking into camp to study our weird ways.
You hike for half a day and then realize you can still here the camp rom kol.
You can say the zip code of Sugar Grove, PA in your sleep (16350).
The "hot" way to travel through town is with a horse and buggy.
None Stoners give you an evil glare whenever you mention the word “camp,” or run into a fellow stoner.
Girls: You own 7 white shirts and 9 blue skirts that you only where Friday night at camp.
Boys: You own one pair of blue pants that still have that grass stain from last week.
You can recite every line of “The Princess Bride,” since you’ve seen it on every single rainy day.
The showers have stopped working exactly when you have just finished putting shampoo in your hair…after the mud hike.
You’ve gotten 5 scoops of ice cream for a dollar in town.
You know every answer to Machane Trivia.
You’re proud to admit that you’re a Stoner.
From
Avi Stein
Pogrom Night is considered a night activity.
The horse girls actually look like horses
Riding Tova has a completely different meaning to you than most people.
From
Suri Grusgott
Everything has to be a "surprise" for the campers- they are not
allowed to know what is happening at any point.
It's standard form to have traumatizing color war breakouts wherein the
staff is told to pretend one of
the kids is lost in the forest. Not telling her siblings its fake is
supposed to add to the real life drama.
From Leba
G
-jumping over garbage cans are the
friday night thrill
-Yehuda ALWAYS knows...
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