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The Kosher Top 10
Top 10 Lame OnlySimchas.com Guestbook posts* that
get on my Nerves
*all posts are lifted directly from the site, hence the ridiculous misspellings
by MARTIN
"I am already married" Bodek
10) "You guys look so good together!" - Duh, of course they look good together. Would somebody marry somebody because they think they look ugly together? And if they did, do they really need to be reminded? Hold up, maybe you mean they match? Or they're color-coded? What exactly are you talking about?
9) "I'm so happy for you guys!" - What, would someone post that they're depressed for the couple? I mean, it's well-documented that exes stalk the website to see if THEIR exes have gotten hitched, but none of them posts, "I'm so miserable for you guys!"
8) "I can't believe you got engaged!" - Whoa! That's some vote of confidence! (previous sentence is sarcastic) Says a lot about a friend when he/she seems to be saying they never would have thought it was possible.
7) "Where do I start?" - Where do you start what? Writing? At the top, idiot. And finish quick, looks like you have too much to say.
6) "Your wedding was the best one I ever went to!" - Liar.
5) "Chaim* - don't kill me for posting up pictures, but you know Chavi* really wanted them up."
- So now Chaim's face is plastered all over the Internet, and Chavi can't walk out of the house, and now they need a bodyguard, and they've filed a restraining order against the post-er. More on this as the story develops.
*Names have not been changed, there are no innocent to protect.
4) "I really don't know what to say." - So don't @#$&ing say it!
3) "I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited for you!" - What, you're not SO excited or SOOOOOO excited? You're SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited? Or did you your forehead hit the "o" on the keyboard when you feel asleep on it at work? You're lame, get off the Internet.
2) "im in your mothers art class and shes the best so Dovid must be getting a really great girl!" - Wait, why exactly is she a really great girl? Because she takes art? Because her mother takes art? Or because her mother is the best? Which of these makes sense on any level of human comprehension?
1) "so your married-can you believe it/??? dont worry it still hasnt hit me and i'm walking around carrying a basketball. (no matter how natural a sheital is, that always gives it away)" - Hold on now, lemme see if I get this. The naturality of a sheitel would conceal a pregnancy? No wait, lemme read that again, ah I see, you're saying pregnancy gives away the fact that you're married? Nooooooo! But wait, maybe you mean something else. Know what? On third thought, you don't, you're just insane to be putting this on the Internet for the world to see.
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From Flamebaby2007
Ridiculous Posts on Onlysimchas.com:
Hey Mimi & Dovid, just wanted to wish you two a huuuuuuuuuuuge mazal tov, you should only have brocho, hatzlacha & kol tuv (sounds familiar? :) ) in your future life together!!!
What? Huge or HUGE wasn’t enough? It had to be huuuuuuuuuuuge? G-d, you’re lame. Get off the Internet.
Mmmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssssaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!! five short quick tiny weeny days left!!!!! yipeee :) I cant wait.
Did you go meshugeneh with the chick’s name? Is this your first time using a keyboard and you were so excited that you couldn’t get your hands off of it? What exactly is wrong with you?
MAZEL TOV Nade & Josh! Nade, you look BEAUTIFUL in the pictures but they don’t compare to how absolutely STUNNING you looked on Sunday night! You were an absolutely beautiful, radiant, and all- around gorgeous bride! I never cry at weddings but I was tearing from the second Josh walked in to the Badekin until after the Chuppah! It was FABULOUS! The two of you were GLOWING the entire night; you truly are each other's compliments and I am soooo very happy for both of you! Josh, as Nade is like a sister to me, I just wanted to welcome you to our "extended" family! I promise to visit you both in New Haven and you can cook me some chicken :-) I love you both! Mazel Tov once again!
When did it become a rule to caps lock all the adjectives?
Whoa, what a surprise! Other people posted hennas? HUH?? Sorry that you guys aren't the only ones now. Don't worry, you're still special.
Duh! It’s a public website for all simchas. Of course there’ll be other people posting hennas; that’s what it’s for.
Dear Meisen, Can I still buy the hair for a "Custom Shietel" for my wife? Kenienehurrah, SO CUTE, how does it come to you such cute kids? ;) Mazel Tov - You, your Wife, Avrumi, your parent, your inlaws, your whole mishpacha and especially your friends, should have only see and hear Naches From you and Yours. Kesiva V'chasima Tova,
“Custom Shietel”? How long was this kid’s hair, anyway?
WOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! what a blast from the past. how are you? obviously, well, but wow! i am sooooooooooooooooo happy for you. may you guys have a wonderful, happy and long life together. love me. p.s. rahi, if you have a chance, drop me a line!
Why can’t anyone spell normally on OnlySimchas?
First of all, what the f*** is WOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE? Did your forehead land on the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE when you passed out from excitement?
And what the hell is up with I am soooooooooooooooo happy for you? You’re not SO happy or SOOO happy? You’re soooooooooooooooo happy? And why would you say anything at all if you weren’t? “I’m soooooooooooooomiserable for you guys!”
Get a life.
From
naomi-too young to be on only simchas.
I hope you build a bayis neeman together in eretz yisroel.
if you can't think of something original to say-don't say it!
From
Ribz
what we all really should be saying to anyone we ever dated future guy/girl
is "good luck with the o.c.d. pervert who decided to lie to u that they
are normal. mazal tov im soooooooooooo excited for u!"
From Michael F.
Somebody needs a hug
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