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The Kosher Top 10
Top Ways you Know you Went to Moshava IO
by
moshavanicks gone wild
You have no clue what Chana's last name is
No true Moshava camper never uses the term "IO"
The most important words you need to know are "amod noach and amod dom"- but you still have no clue what they mean.
The cool kids hang out on the chadar ochel porch, the "bad" kids try using the pay phones
Whenever you have a big shabbos meal, you obviously need to make a Chet.
You dream of being named Rosh Mitbach at the shmutz because you know your popularity status will go way up.
Your greatest fear is that people might find out you don't know the words to hatikva.
Your counselor, who you had for 7 consecutive summers, lives down the block
from you
Punishment means losing Shekem
Whoever was the kid with the trunk full of snacks, was everyone's best
friend
You find no contradiction in the Hebrew pronunciation of "Sabbath" in the
words: shabbatogram vs. shabbos walk
You are still in therapy for lack of those two exact things
You never realized that your Shmutz was about a five minute drive from
camp
You confidently considered every citizen of Honesdale PA to be a neo-nazi
hick
You were considered a rebel or a slut, if you decided to wear something
other than Blue and White on Shabbos
"Kollel" to you means camp, just with more clothing, less swim time.
Rav Elie knows more about movies than you do
You have no clue what Zionism means, but if its anything like camp
moshava, you know its for you.
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From David Swidler
1. M-A-C! (clapclapclap) H-A-L! (clapclapclap)...
2. You think that dirt should have a reddish tinge.
3. You were shocked to discover that "Mototrola" is
not a Hebrew word.
4. You have slept on the property of someone named
Theobald.
5. You find yourself subtracting an hour to adjust for
"camp time."
6. You think the translation of "shekem" is "canteen."
7. You salivate upon hearing the words, "Beach Lake."
8. Your idea of a night on the town is a mall in
Scranton.
9. You know how to fit all of your clothes and worldly possessions into five cubbies. 10. In your mind, the letter heh comes before aleph.
From Shira Margulies, NY
- You
make Aliyah, strictly because Channah said so.
- Visiting
Day? A day off? *gasp!* Never!
- Whenever
you see a car other than the camp van on the way to the shmutz, it’s
considered traffic.
- Other
Moshavot? What other Moshavot?
- You
recite the Aleph Bet – “Hey, Aleph, Bet, Gimmel, Daled”
- You
speak Hebrish
- You
don’t actually know the words to Yad Achim but mumbling some strange
jargon that sounds something like what all the Tzevet Bachir are
singing will suffice (although the Tzevet Bachir don’t really know
the words either).
- Honesdale
is considered civilization, Walmart a shopping mall, and Beach Lake a
theme park.
- You
measure everything by “treeline.”
- If
your name is Shira, you’re doomed to forever be called “slow” by
your friends who find it immensely funny, even if you don’t.
- Wait,
there’s Bnei Akiva outside Moshava?
Snif? What’s that?
- You
think “switch” is actually part of the lyrics to “Shomrim.”
- You
sing the wrap it up song after every meal no matter where you are,
when you are there, or how long ago you were a chanich(a) at Mosh.
- Waiters?
We don’t have waiters. We
have designated Toranut-ers.
- You
call your school nurse the Marp and the office the RML.
- All
your clothes are blue and white so that you’ll always have something
to wear on Friday night, even outside of camp.
- You
thank G-d you’re not a Stoner.
- You
suddenly feel like going on a hike in the middle of class.
- You
make a community mifkad every Friday afternoon before Maariv because
you just cannot enter Shabbat without it.
- You
whisper “maaaaaake Aliyaaaaaa” over the Ram Kol in your school.
- You
make a point of letting Nesher know that, no matter how much they
think they’re like Bnei Akiva, they are NOT the fifth Moshava.
- You
suddenly come down with a rare, possibly fatal disease whenever
someone mentions the word “hike.”
- Whenever
you see someone doing something wrong you yell, “Dugma Ishit!” at
the offending person.
- You
think it’s jappy that they built air-conditioned Kitot while you
were on Mach Hach.
25.
Whenever asked to do a D’var Torah, you act out Yurtle the Turtle
and connect it to the Parsha.
From Justin Kohn:
3 words: WAYNE COUNTY FAIR!
From Amy Schneider:
1.)... Shabbos walks in odd numbers...
From R' Jon Duker Moshava Kollelnik
- you've never celebrated the 4th of july in your life
- you think all Israeli's are work in menial labor
From Lauren Shiowitz Moshava Lifer
other ways you know you went to moshava-
1- you know what bnei akiva shevet you are from.
2- you know all the words to yad achim.
3-you know how to make a kesher mot
4- you know what a tilboshet is
5- you had counselors that couldnt tell you what to do bec u didnt know
hebrew and theu didnt know english.
6-you can relate to an israeli soldier - yom tzahal amod dom, amod noach
7- you have scraps from all the bottoms of the pants that you cut into
shorts because they DONT MAKE SHorts that cover your knee- thats why they
are called shorts! or when you are shopping or looking through clothing
catalogues and you see shorts that go to the knee youhave an impulse to buy
them.
8- u think it is normal when u see a sign on one of your hikes that says
welcome to new york.
9- u get excited when you see lake wallenpaupak because u know ur almost
there.
10- u can pronounce lake wallenpaupak
11- u think marp is a hebrew word
12- u know what RML stands for
13- when you go the bathroom u except to find writing on the wall to keep
you entertained
14-u think IO is superior to stone, wildrose, etc
15- you think you are zionistic because you went to moshava
From Mav610 Moshava Lifer
Some Ideas:
-jake and the weird ass kitchen staff
-girls and boys campus being VERRY close
-smoking in the sports shed
-alan's first day of camp speech....
From Tehila Eisenstadt Moshava Lifer
-when you got really rebellious you all slept outside on the may migrash- boys and girls and a michitza
-you have no idea what a may migrash might mean
-you thought "marp" was a hebrew word with a strange root
-to prepare for a raid you needed: all black clothes, blow dried hair, lipstick and a nightgown or sleeping shorts that covered your knees
-you almost got kicked out the first day for slapping your brother high five (he's a boy)
-you almost got kicked out the second day because when you sneezed your shorts blew up slightly and showed the bottom of your knee
From Elysha Vigneri Machal Camper '92
You hiked all day and ended up in the most beautiful place - the Giant shopping center.
From Eric Cohen Moshava Lifer
1) your favorite place to sit was on the van seats that were located outside of the chader ochel
2) you thought your parents neglected to pay the bill the first time you were on toranut
3) you couldnt wait to be a counselor there too and make a whopping $50 a summer
4) you never knew that there were scheduled activities
5) you were surprised to learn that yom haatzmaut is not celebrated by everyone in the middle of the summer.
6) shmutz was something you did, not a prerequisite for a washing.
7) for some reason that you will deny- you got excited for machal to come down to the main migrash on Erev shabbos and again on Shabbos
8) you can attest to the fact that Dan did in-fact fall on his head one too many times.
9) you lined up in a chet, yet have no idea why.
10) na la'amod dom! na la'amod noach...what the hell?
11) somehow, with crust in your eyes you gave hatikva the respect it deserves
12) you sang yad achim proudly...yet have never heard it sung anywhere outside of Honesdale.
13) you didnt what a raid was, but thought it cool that boys and girls were hanging out at 2AM without anyone EVER doing anything about it.
14) you still look feverishly on your FM dial for the Mosh radio station.
15) there was nothing better than that cold ass pizza your couselor brought back from his day off and charged you $3.00 per slice.
16) you remember the kids from every other camp driving by laughing at you as you walked to the Delaware River.
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