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The Kosher Top 10
Top 10 Orchodox Classifications
(We call it orchadodox since we are the only ones who can pronounce the CH)
by
the weekly
bang staff
10. Standardox - You went to Jewish High school, Israel Yeshiva, YU, Married at 22, live in Teaneck to be near (supported by) your in-laws
9. Whorethodox - You definitely are not prude, but still "shomer" all 612 of the other miztvos
8. Awkwardox - thanks to you strict religious upbringing, any social event is an awkward one
7. Ignorethodox - You hit the snooze button on any Jewish law you feel may get in the way of your weekend plans
6. Hardcorethodox - You wear a black hat on the Free Fall at Great Adventure on Chol Hamoed
5. Botoxodox - You're retired in Florida -who needs these categories, when you have grandkids
4. AlGorethodox - You have the most robotic stoic religious belief system in the world
3. Loxodox - bagels, cream cheese, and maybe some herring makes all of this Jewsih stuff worth it
2. Christian Diorthodox - You are not sure what holiday it is, but you already have the outfit picked out for it
1. Shmorgodox - just a little taste of everything
Readers Comments:
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From Y Hurvitz
mortawarodox--hit every fruneral to be menachem aval
From Ari Schick
Cavortadox - You hang at the bar with your goyish coworkers after work.
Sportadox - Your truest religious moment occurred back when the Rangers won the Stanley Cup.
Maltodox - You go to shul for the single malt kiddush club.
Borethodox - You're an actuary.
Snorethadox - You always sleep through the rabbi's drasha.
Tortadox - Frum ambulance chaser.
Snortadox - So, you do a line now and then, big deal!
Lorethodox - You believe all those gadol stories.
Door-to-doorthodox - You collect tzedaka - for yourself.
DanceFloorthodox - You do "yidden", the "alley cat" and those annoying hora moves at weddings.
Yourthodox? - Well, you sure don't look frum!
From Bart Sobel
Sworethodox: You get yourself into trouble all year with your vows - You only get relief once a year during Kol Nidre.
Abhorthodox: Every otherdox is a pox
Fourthodox: You went from B'Nai Jeshurun to Chabad and then Aish Ha'Torah. You've settled on O"Z.
Sporthodox: You wear a Knicks logo yarmulke.
Floorthodox: You hit the dirt during EVERY Aleinu
Doorthodox: You kiss every mezuzah you seee (gets you into trouble with women wearing mezuzahs on long necklaces ;-) ).
CindyCrawfordox: You fantasize about meeting a model at a Discovery seminar
Docsadox: You can't have a Shabbos conversation that doesn't revolve around the latest miracle you've performed in the hospital.
Lawthodox: Hey, did I tell you the great news? I just signed up a "leg-off" case!!
From SugarHi93
let's not forget:
Morethodox - 8 hours between meat and milk, first one to hashkama minyan,
you
are clearly more frum than everyone else. Congratulations.
Shorethodox - Whether you call the North Shore, South Shore, or Deal your
home, you'll be sure to look down on anyone who otherwise doesn't.
Chorethodox - did your Charedi Parents decide to have 9 kids? With
your fair
share of household chores while growing up, i.e. cooking, cleaning,
laundry..., you'll make your bashert very happy.
Explorethodox - You went to secular college to "broaden your
horizons."
Hooking up with hot Nordick Christians and sampling every pork product known
to
man has only strenghtened your resolve for Judaism, though.
From Sarah Galena
Post Modern Orthodox - grew up religious, but now doesn't keep shabbos From
Seth Galena
Thoroughly Modern Orthodox - if there is a heter for anything,
you know it and thoroughly abuse it (e.g.. "Manhattan is an
Island" allows you to carry your Harry Potter harcover into Central
Park on Shabbos)
From anonymous
clintondox -you smoked but you didn't inhale
bushdox - you always mispronounce orthodox
From Joey Tribiani
the Whorethadox should have been number 1 not 9
From Mimi
totally
adorbs...or should i say adorthodox.
From Shoshana Grossman NY
This was your most fun list ever! Here are some additions:
Adorethadox: I love being frum!
Mocksadox: Makes fun of everything frum.
Morethodox: More is better, so keep as many Chumrot as possible!
NoMorethadox: I can't take all this frum stuff, I don't believe in this anymore!
Rapporthadox: The most entertaining group of Jews around.
Borethadox: The most unentertaining group of Jews around.
Warthodox: If you don't hold by my Rav, I'll kill you (i.e. Boro Park Eruv controversy).
Chorethodox: 'Balabusta stays home and keeps the house clean' mentality.
Locksadox: Wears Shabbos key/Shabbos belt, depending on gender.
Roarthadox: The bunk that screams the loudest at bentching wins.
Tourthadox: Explores a bit of right-wing, modern orthodox, conservadox, etc.
Porethadox: holds it's Assur to wash your face or wear make-up on Shabbos. Too bad about hygiene.
Shvachodox: Not too careful about any Halachot.
Ignorethadox: Does not pay attention to Halacha at all.
OnTheRocksadox: weekly Kiddush drunkard.
Keep up the fun!
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