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The Kosher Top 10
Top Ten Signs You are a Frum Intellectual
by
David Rosen and Daniel Kasell
10. Your Divrei Torah always include one of the following phrases:
Imitatio Dei, Ex Nihilo, A Priori.
9. You dont see any inherent value in Carlebach minyanim and Yisroel
Williger concerts, but you still think they are important for "keeping
the masses in tow".
8. You are only willing to attend a shiur whose title contains the phrase
"From the perspective of the Rav".
7. You have thoroughly studied the intricacies of the Contradiction of
Free Will and an all-knowing God, but you don't know what bracha to say
on a banana.
6. Shul is always a good time to catch up on some reading.
5. Instead of referring to God as 'God' or 'Hashem', you use fancier
words like "The Godhead" or "The Deity".
4. Learning mussar is bitul Torah.
3. When giving a Dvar Torah, you feel the need to either quote the New
Testament or Apocrypha.
2. When someone mentions an Aish Hatorah teaching, your response is "Aish
Hatorah? Oh, thats... cute".
1. Sometimes in a Torah discussion, you'll say: "The Rambam discusses this
in Moreh Nevuchim, but you wouldnt understand it."
Readers Comments:
To submit your own comments to this
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: and include the title in the subject header. Include your name and location to
get credit! THANKS
From Yedidiah Lewinsohn Livingston, NJ
Hi, here are comments for the new Top Ten that I have posted on my Blog,
www.ivyjews.blogspot.com. If you could link to the blog that would be
great b/c we're just starting off and are trying to attract some attention.
Thanks.
From Josh
Shul is a great time to read...but shuir is a good time to sleep
Youre Rebbe accuses you of having "bull"shitas
You cleverly hide contraband magazines in yeshiva: Biblical Archelogy Review and Torah UMadda Journal
You read Mark B Shapiro's footnotes about the Seridei Eish's girlfriend and debated their halachic applicability
You quote Rishonim with apikorsus views to ur rebbeim just to piss them off
THE list goes on and on
From Ari Schick:
Wow, this was one of the least funny top tens to come by in a while. The title should at least have been top ten signs you're a neo-rationalist brisker frum intellectual. By the way, many frum intellectuals specifically avoid all shiurim mentioning the Rav in the title - those are really for "keeping the masses in tow" by making them believe that somewhere in between Carlebach minyanim and Yisroel Williger concerts they are actually thinking.
I thus present an equally unfunny alternative Top Ten Signs You Really are a (not so) Frum Intellectual:
10) In your Divrei Torah you frequently use "Kant" as a proper noun, adjective, verb, and pun.
9) You once attended a Carlebach minyan - expecting to hear Elisheva deliver a talk on the Eibshitz-Emden dispute.
8) You studiously avoid attending any shiur whose title contains the phrase "From the perspective of the Rav".
7) Your internet homepage is set to RAMBI.
6) Shul is a good place to shock others with what you're reading. ("But I thought the haftarah was from Corinthians.")
5) You actually know that "The Godhead" is not synonymous with "God" or "The Deity" , and do not consider it a fancy word.
4) Reading James Kugel fulfills limud Torah.
3) Your Divrei Torah often end, ". . . which all became quite apparent with the publication of DJD XXIV."
2) When someone mentions a Menachem Leibtag teaching your response is "Leibtag? Oh, that's cute."
1) Sometimes in a Torah discussion you'll say "there was once an article on this in Monatsschrift für die Geschichte und Wissenschaft des Judentums, but then you probably don't understand German."
From mbs613:
You know all of R' Lamm's characterizations of the approaches to Torah
U'Maddah... and which of them you personally subscribe to.
You constantly feel torn between going to Stern/YU or secular college no
matter which option you actually picked.
(Girls Only) You've had to justify why you know more aramaic than some guys
who say its assur for you to learn Gemara...
You refer to Lonely Man of Faith and Halakhic Man as "LMOF" and "HM" in
your Instant Messenger conversations... 'cause you're always quoting from
them.
You spell Halakha... Halakha (with a KH)
(Extra Points) You write Hebrew words with alternating captials, (ie
TaNaKh..)
You are a Dikduk fiend.
You eagerly await the publication of the next Journal of Torah u'Maddah
becuase you follow the criticism and response collumns.
Being called cognitive man is a compliment.
Your favorite iced-tea beverage is Brisk... Just because.
Half of the books in your bookcase are published by Aaronson.
The only Artscrolls you own are ones that were published exclusively in
English.
You own a very well thumbed Zilberman/Jastrow/Frank.
You can integrate stuff you learned in Biochem last week into your Shabbat
table dvar torah.
You dream of being able to quote Jewish sources in your molecular genetics
or political science or literature research paper.
You can use Latin phrases when talking to your chevruta.
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