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The Kosher Top 10
Top Ten Ways You know you have been living in Israel too long!
by
Nancy Moran (Efrat) and Karen Kerr (Ramat Beit Shemesh)
10) It seems perfectly normal to buy milk in bags.
9) You have met a nice Egged bus driver.
8) You automatically open your purse/pocketbook/briefcase when nearing a public building entrance.
7) It no longer disgusts you to buy unpackaged bread in open boxes outside of the grocery.
6) You wonder why people would have a use for fancy clothes.
5) You are no longer embarassed by the fact that you have an overdraft - you actually join in bragging contests about its size.
4) You eat salad for breakfast.
3) As far as you know, there are only 3 kinds of cheese: white, yellow, and salty.
2) It no longer shocks you to see people's underwear (and other laundry) hanging outside their apartment.
1) It not only seems perfectly normal to have the toilet in one room and the tub/shower and sink in another, it makes sense.
- You have no concern for Bangitout Top TEN List restrictions
- When someone tells you to show up for Shabbos lunch at 10:30AM, you realize he's not
joking.
-You no longer wonder why hummous is sold in giant tubs.
-You would rather go out for shwarma or felafel than KFC, Burger King, or Sbarro's.
-You own more than 1 cellphone.
- You proudly attend simchas to which you have not been formally invited.
- You can't imagine why anyone would want carpeting in their home.
- You not only intersperse your conversation with Hebrew words, you cannot remember their English equivalent.
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From Terri Midreshet Lindenbaum (Bravenders)
When buying toilet paper in anything smaller than a 32 pack is considered criminal.
When it is normal to haggle with anyone over price, no matter how much money you have on you at the time (excluding possibly the grocery store).
From Eminemerly
It's called Shoko, the milk that comes in the bag
From lynne, the
tsatskeh queen, highland park, IL -- lived in Jerusalem for a year, '82-83.
10) It
seems perfectly normal to buy milk in bags.
we got used to this very early on. of course we had to buy one of
those plastic holders, and didn't know what it was called------but pantomime
and body language saved the day. (actually i STILL don't know what
it's called.)
9) You have met a nice Egged bus driver. i
LOVED the bus drivers. One on the Tel Aviv Jerusalem run (was it the
405 bus? i don't remember anymore) used to have political
shouting matches with several of his passengers.
8) You automatically open your purse/pocketbook/briefcase when nearing a
public building entrance. i was in
London this summer, and had to do the same thing.
7) It no longer disgusts you to buy unpackaged bread in open boxes outside
of the grocery. as well as to buy
any bulk food in machane yehuda open to the elements, the cats, and all
air-born viruses
6) You wonder why people would have a use for fancy clothes. i'm
back 20 years, and i am probably the most casually dressed at shul on
shabbos. but my knees, elbows, and collar bone are covered.
5) You are no longer embarrassed by the fact that you have an overdraft -
you actually join in bragging contests about its size. we
were so poor.........how
poor were you?..........that i
couldn't afford to buy the big packages of toilet paper except at the
beginning of the month. (and i miss those brilliant
colors......violet, coral, etc.)
4) You eat salad for breakfast. still
do
3) As far as you know, there are only 3 kinds of cheese: white, yellow, and
salty. i bought a smoked cheese
from our cheese guy in machane yehuda, the memory of which (cheese, not guy)
still makes me salivate.
2) It no longer shocks you to see people's underwear (and other laundry)
hanging outside their apartment. i
wasn't shocked, but we hung our stuff on the roof. it was so
hot/windy on the roof most of the year that by the time i had hung
everything up, i could go back to the beginning of the clothesline and start
to take the dry stuff down.
1) It not only seems perfectly normal to have the toilet in one room and the
tub/shower and sink in another, it makes sense. never
got used to not being able to wash my hands immediately
- You have no concern for Bangitout Top TEN List restrictions no
bangitout back then. in fact, no computer back then.
- When someone tells you to show up for Shabbos lunch at 10:30AM, you
realize he's not joking. this one
you have to explain to me. we never finish davening until 12:30, 1:00.
-You no longer wonder why hummus is sold in giant tubs.
-You would rather go out for shwarma or felafel than KFC, Burger King, or
Sbarro's. none of those
existed in the early '80s in Jerusalem. burger ranch was always
available to satisfy a hamburger craving. but a good steakia..........ah,
that was heaven!!!!!!!
-You own more than 1 cellphone. again,
not back then. and not even now.
- You proudly attend simchas to which you have not been formally invited.
- You can't imagine why anyone would want carpeting in their home.
sponga was a big surprise.
- You not only intersperse your conversation with Hebrew words, you cannot
remember their English equivalent. unfortunately,
despite excellent ulpan teachers, my speaking hebrew actually did
consist of interspersing my conversation with Hebrew words. sadly,
still does.
From Vered
You cannot remember the last time you wore anything but sandals. They are the same pair you bought in your first week here.
Ben Yehuda is for tourists.
You refer to the United States only as "America"
You have no idea what state the city of Chicago is in
You haven't been to the kotel in 2 years
You can spot a machine-made kipppah miles away
You forget what a suit looks like.
You love spotting a confused American who just moved in and watching them try and put together a real sentence in hebrew.
You learned to not only tolerate, but love Canadians
You are now referred to as the "Israeli Cousin" by your american relatives
From Frieda Shor
11. When ur relationship with the ATM machine becomes intimate
12. When the cabbie picks u up from a lingerie store and u have no prob that he asks u what u bought.
13. When u drink the blue milk and wonder y u r packing on the pounds.
14. When u feel that u arent "Surfin USA" anymore on the bus.
From Barry Buckman, Yerushalayim
-Staying up all night on Shavuot is no longer a challenge to you, because
you regularly stay up all night anyway to watch American sports games.
-You say "Shavuot; not "Shvu'is"
-When you go back for a trip to the US, every time you walk into a store you
open up your bag and show it to someone who is standing near the door, and
they think you are crazy.
-On that same trip, you forget that people in the US really do wear suits to
Shul, and feel ridiculously out of place when you show up in Dockers, brown
casual shoes, and a white shirt which is not tucked in.
-During your stay in Israel, you have seen: 174 promises by the Prime
Minister's office to break down on terrorism, 386 warnings by the US to act
with restraint, to go along with 386 American condemnations of terror and
requests to the PA to crack down on Hamas, 4,023 warnings by Saeb Erekat
that Israeli strikes against Hamas "activists" will only further enflame the
situation, 298 invitations by Palestinian officials to "return to the
negotiating table", 17 moronic US-backed peace initiatives which everyone
knows are completely hopeless, and the subsequent failures of those peace
plans, which inevitably result in the aforementioned invitations back to the
negotiating table, 482 UN Resolutions against Israel, and 159 elections.
-You call up Israeli news stations and ask them to stop showing reruns
-You have given up on the possibility of understanding your important
contracts such as rent, cell phone deals, etc. You just skim the contract,
sign away and hope for the best.
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