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The Kosher Top 10
Top 10 Ways You Know You're in the Wrong Girl's Seminary!
by
N. G. H. & K. K. F.
10) Their slogan is "We answer to a much lower authority"
9) They offer a course called "Comparative Religions"
8) It has "As Seen On Cops" in the brochure; The uniforms are prison colored
7) Their name ends in "Of Witchcraft & Wizardry"
6) There's a class on being a Shabbos Goy
5) Chulent 3 times a day (only)
4) They're so kosher they wrap the microwave in tinfoil
3) Your classmates are running for Governor of California
2) It's headed by Rebbitzin Bin Ladden
1) It's For Boys
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From Frieda Shor
1. U thought that the acronym on the door "CTS" stood for "Completely Terrific Seminary"--that is, of course, until your see a pope or two, or 27, and realize that this place is a Christian Theological Seminary. Whoops. Is that why IT WAS FREE TUITION AND BOARD?
2. The staff is so strict and the uniform so ugly--pray, why??? Then u notice the sign "Juvenile Delinquint Center" on the um, barbed wire.
3. The girls LOSE fifteen pounds in that year.
4. They have hazing ceremonies to get into Pieca Boloney Pie. Yours left you, uhhh...sitting in pretty close proximity to Elvis.(and no, that wouldnt be in Graceland. Thats in The-Hottest-Place-Ever-Land).
5. They refuse to take you to amuka. They WILL take u to the kever of a tzaddeikes nisteres that never married to show you what may happen to you if you are too picky.
6. They have a website with pictures of all of you in your birthday suits. All proceeds of shidduchim made goes to the S.A.F. (Shomer Ainayim Fund)
From E. Shapiro
-Anorexia Nervosa prevention is a course requirement.
-There is no tiyul to Amuka on the schedule.
-The sweatshirts are acrylic and not 100% american cotton.
-There are not enough outlets in the Dira to charge all the pelephones.
-They do not teach tons of gemara.
-No one has ever heard of Rabbis Orlofsky, Weinberger or Frand.
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