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The Kosher Top 10
Top Ten Ways You Know
the Trick Or Treater who just came to your door was a Religious Jew
by
the bangitout
staff
10. Before eating candy, he looks closely at rapper for hashgacha
9. Seems to have an impeccable resemblance to the candy man in your shul
8. Keeps tripping on the tzitzit strings attached to corners of his ghost
costume
7. He eats candy immediately. When asked where his candy bag is, he says
"he doesn't carry"
6. Asks only for a treat, then talmudically reasons “What, I
should ask for a trick?”
5. His grandmother escorting him says goodbye with a guttural "Cchhhappy
Chhhalloween"
4. When you give him peanut chews, he sighs, “phew, only Dairy
Equipment"
3. Instead of saying trick or treat, holds out a laminated paper that says
he needs candy for his daughters wedding
2. Claims his bekesha and striemel are part of his "Amish theme"
costume
1. He is holding a gragger.
Readers Comments:
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From Moshe, Brooklyn
Re: #10 -- Be careful. Puff Daddy's bodyguard may hurt you for looking too closely.
From Flamebaby2007
Wait...shouldn't he be at home celebrating Shabbat? Halloween falls on a Friday night this year (2003)!
From Eric Cohen
1. you spot him selling the individual candy the following day for $1.00 a
piece.
2. he says its ok b/ his daddy the lawyer has found the legal loophole
making this candy ok for "individualized sale" (maybe 2 people selling...no
longer individualized sale...its all in the modifier baby)
3. after he takes the candy, he reminds you that he'll see you again
chanukah zman with the rest of lubavitch of queens to remind you to light
the menorah.
4. he's the only person dressed like bizzaro santa
5 .after you give him 3 candies, he informs you that the other shnurrer that
he's splitting a cab with received 5 candies...
From Isaac Galena
1. It's Easter.
From Frieda Shor
11. You get a letter in the mail a week later from his attorney, suing you because that stale jelly bean removed his crown.
12. After seeing your elligible, 18 yr old daughter, he asks that instead of candy corn, can he please have shnapps to make a Lichayim.
13. When you refuse to give him some snack, he sulks and cries out, "Kol Haposhet Yad Nosnim Lo".
14. He realizes hes missing Maariv, so as he removes his Scary Movie mask, makes himseld at home, sits right on you new Borselino(thereby making it resemble Sunday morning's breakfast--i.e. pancakes), and davens skuckling so much, it looks like he is havin a siezure.(This is the same guy from number 12.)(18 yr old needs therapy after this.)
15. He gets upset that you give licorice--Hey, this is Friday nite!! Bring out the chulent, chick peas and Tums!!!!! Lets Parteeeeee!!!
16. He is not sure which bracha to make first, so asks for a piece of bread to wash, so there is no problem.(Still same guy from number 12 and 14.)
17. Moshiach is coming, so after telling you "Lishana Habaah B'Yerushalayim", he takes you aside and asks you where you will be living then, --Har Nof, Old City--so he can indulge in the sweetness of your home.(Need you ask???Of course it is still same bloke as numbers 12, 14, 16.) You wish him a refuas hanefesh, i.e. get yourself into an institution with padded walls ASAP
From Esra F. NYC
- He asks for more
From Saarah Brooklyn, NY
- Religious Jews go tricker treating? ...nebach
From Dovid:
He follows his succah-hopping route for trick-or-treating
His costume looks a lot like old succah decorations
She is the only one who hoards the Paskez sour sticks. Probably cause she
is the only one who ever heard of Paskez.
wearing a Kohain Gadol Costume
Superman cape looks alot like tallis. Spiderman web made out of tzit tzit
strings
Stores favorite candy in a pushka
Takes Maaser on all fruit candy
Is only person who saves the pennies that people give out
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