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The Kosher Top 10
Top Ten Reasons Your Shul should not hire Michael Jackson as it's Youth Group Leader
by
the bangitout staff
10. He didn't go to Hebrew Day School; and doesn't speak Hebrew
9. What kind of a Jewish name is "Jackson?"
8. He has a TV
7. He has a song that says he is "Bad"
6. The shul does not allow pet monkeys in the sanctuary
5. He's too thin
4. He wears a black hat and white socks with black pants, but no tie (Rhinestone glove is also very arrogant)
3. Doesn't hold by the eruv
2. He's not married (once married to a non-jew)
1. Shul can't afford him
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From Ashley M.
1. he shouldnt be around children
2.his plastic nose will scare everyone
3.one of the activities he plans to do is to go get one of the toddlers and swing them off a balcony
From Erica Schachne
-Doesn't realize that only women wear hats in shul
-Has unhealthy attachment to animals (such as llamas and bubbles the monkey)-doesn't realize they are just for shechting
-Sets bad example by wearing full makeup on Shabbos-and is against malacha of 'kotev'
-Endorses being 'bad'
-Crowned king (of freaks)-he is mored b'malchoot
-Might scare the children if his nose falls off suddenly
From Armani Man
He doesn't know how to play Chumash Baseball
He knows what a kid would do for candy
Janet would be a much more effective (hotter) advisor
From M Peltz
how about - he might molest the kids. duh.
From A. Halevi
Job already taken by youth org executives
From Riptide
The number one reason Michael Jackson should not be hired as a youth
counselor by your local shul:
He gives child molesters a bad name.
From I Concur
everyone knows he's had work done
his pants are too tight
doesn't think it matters if you're black or white
From Frieda Shor
1. He is not a "lichatcheela"--he is a "BEDieved"
2. He may lose all he nose.
3. His "bleaching disease" may be catchy.
4. When there is an argument between peers, only HE knows how to makeup.
5. He may read Rabbi Boteach's book as a bedtime story to the pure souls.
6. As his real daughter did, they might get caught in his fashion net.
7. He hasnt perfected his "Over The Porch" showing off techinque.
8. It will hurt their feet to take a moonwalk.
From Avi
How about - He isn't Jewish.
Doesnt keep Shabbos
He's in the entertainment industry
Doesnt mumble when he speaks
Never learned in Israel
Doesnt Smoke
From Elysha
Adon Olam just doesn't fit to the tune of billie jean.
From Oren:
Doesn't get along with his siblings
His Hair is long and unkept
He didn't goto YU
He is from a non-frum home
He doesn't wear tzit-tzit
From Racheali:
He isn't much of a displinarian
His head is in Neverland
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