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The Kosher Top 10
Top Ten Things to watch for if the Superbowl was played in Israel
By the
bangitout.com staff
10. Halftime show would include the guy who does the voice for "Bezek
Shalom"
9. When the Israeli team gains 5 yards,
Palestinians ask for 45 yards back
8. Maccabi Beer commercials involve a lot of
scantily clad Chasidim
7. Winning Quarterback triumphantly ends game saying
"I'm Going to Disney Land, after I finish the army and get
addicted to crack while traveling in India!"
6. First Down checks would be done by the UN
Security Council (using the green line)
5. On every play there is always an Off-sides call
4. At least 50 people confuse oversized mascot
with Ariel Sharon
3. No matter who wins, CNN reports something about
occupation
2. For some reason Tom Chambers will be playing
quarterback
1. The real winning team, first to score a
safety
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From Jay Marcus from Silver Spring, MD Allison Goldman from Baltimore, MD
-Kraft Field gets a huge makeover and will look more like Gillette Stadium
(except Kraft won't pay for it this time)
-Bob Kraft sponsors mass aliyah for all Americans in attendance
-Referees uniforms are blue and white striped
-Before the play is reviewed, the ref will give the "shniyah" sign with his
hand
-Before the game, Beyonce sings Hatikvah
-The football will be made of cow skin
-Instead of hambugers and hot dogs, fans eat schwarma and falafel (but still
get massive indigestion like normal)
-Tailgating at Norman's
-Winning team gets Super Bowl champ kippot
-Winning team gets ticker tape parade down Rechov Yaffo and joins massive
protest rally in Zion Square
From Adam Tyberg
10. security = bouncers from the rock bar & the
Underground.
9. just like at the movies in israel, where
intermission/smoke break occurs at the best time in
the movie, so would halftime of the game occur at the
best time.
8. pepsi 1 (tagline- "yesh 1? pepsi 1") would be a
sponsor, just to show its not avaiklable in the
states.
7. game would be played in either gan pa'amon or gan
soccer, switching off on alternating years.
6. big blue would play in the game every year.
5. if the neve team played in the game, a record would
be set for most penalties called on one team.
4. the halftime show would be the big succos concert,
part deux.
3. chayalot/ chayalim would be used as cheerleaders
for both teams.
2. both the israeli national anthem and the star
spangled banner would be sung, just like when an nhl
game with a canadian team is played.
1. at media day, the israeli media woudnt ask the dumb
questions that the american media does.
From Frieda Shor
1. "Honey I Blew Up The Falafel" on the menu, instead of sub sandwiches.
2. Directions to the party given as "Yimeena, Smola, Yimeena, Smola Baramzor hachameeshee...."
3. Drink of choice: Jack Daniels with a shot of Pettel
From Ariel
5. Great opportunity for a family reunion drinking He-Brew beer and eating kosher hotdogs at your tailgater party in the parking lot.
4. The quarterbacks always reminds you of Moshe
3. Every year hoping for a halftime show with Jackie Mason
2. A minyan in each huddle?
1. The fringes on the Dallas cowgirl cheerleader uniforms
From Suzanne
1. Instead of cheering team on, fans become very angry and end up
shutting TV off on in rage after deciding that all the players are
idiots.
2.Spicy mini falafel balls replace bufallo wings as during game snack of
choice
3. Women completely solve whole Israeli-Palestinian conflict while men are
watching the game
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