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The Kosher Top 10
Top Ten Reasons Joe Lieberman Dropped out of the Presidential Race
By the
bangitout.com staff
10. Couldn't get Congress to pass his
"Leave work early on Friday" Bill
9. Thought he was running for the Presidency of the White
Shul, not the White House
8. Only had enough campaign money to last for
one campaign in 2000, but miraculously it lasted through most of
a second run
7. Staff
was getting tired of starting every conversation with "I don't
want to speak about politics on Shabbos, BUT" (Nish Gshabbos
geretin)
6. Thought it might effect his kid's shidduch
prospects
5. White House wouldn't commit to having mezuzah's in
the West Wing
4. Depressed to hear Jon Stewart turned down
his VP offer
3. Bottomline: Jewish men can never commit
2. Didn't want the myth "Jews control America" to
actually have some truth to it
1. Realized his speeches were boring enough to make
it big...in the rabbinate
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From Rachel
This would have been funny...if Congress didn't already leave work early on Fridays.
From G. Strong
Did not want to break shomer negiyah by kissing other leader's wives
Did not want to be tempted by all those starry eyed white house interns (see Monica Lewinsky)
There was no eruv surrounding the white house
Did not want Jewish organizations to milk him any more than they already have
Did not want the tabloids to come out and say he dated 3 women from Stern in one week
From Ariel, New Haven, CT
8. He didn't want to be the token Jew in the White House
7. He got in a fight with the amen corner in D.C.
6. He didn't want to be embarrassed by the Evangelicals who were
more pro-Israel than he
5. He was afraid Al Gore would add further insult to injury and wack
him over the head with a wooden part of his body
4. His wife didn't want him tempted by interns, so she made him
quit.
3. He didn't have a dog, cat, or even a goldfish to bring to the
White House, how can you be elected President without a pet?
2. He really missed his home town of New Haven, Connecticut
1 The voters in Connecticut were ready to recall him for
spending more time on the road than in Connecticut where he has been
serving as a part-time Senator.
From Phreeduh Shawr:
1.The White House security would not allow a "farberengin" to replace the Inaugural Dinner.
2. Scales of Justice not allowed to be replaced by scales of gefilta fish.
3. Black ten-gallon cowboy hats of Bush administration must not be replaced by Borsalinos.
4. Washington D.C. Zoning Laws do not allow a Sukkah on the White House lawn.
5. The would-be First Daughter, Haddassa, refused to be caught getting drunk at Bangitout's Purim Bash!!!
6. Ashamed for her DUI--Daughter Underage and Innocent.
From Freida Shor:
1. The Connecticut Department Of Environmental Protection's announced that as of now, the forest fire danger level is pretty low.
2. The "Banded Sunfish"(Enneacanthus Obesus) is endangered in the state of CT, so cannot be used for Mrs. Lieberman's gefilta fish, which, and i quote, " gave Joe a bad case of the runs." Apparently, literally.
3. How would he find which direction Mizrach is when he is in the Oval Office?
4. He was terribly insulted over the mispronounciation of his name "Yo, Mr. President Leave-er-man!!!!"
5. He's allergic to cigar smoke.
6. Every time he makes Kiddush, he will be suspected of following in Dubya's drunken, weaving footsteps.
From Michal:
Realized the born-again Christian G. W. Bush would be better for Israel
Kosher food sucked in the white house
Couldn't get a minyan on Air Force-1
As Joseph, wasn't allowed to wear his "Coat of Many Colors" in meetings
Was scared of what the staff's Purim Shpeil would be like
He ended it by saying, "it just
wasn't shayich"
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