Top Ten
signs you are a Jewish Cubs Fan
by
Shlomo Hubscher, Tel Aviv, Israel
10. One morning, your name is Steve Bartman, a good
Jewish cubs fan. The next morning Cubs fans the world over are
blaming the Jews not only for prevention of world peace, but also
maintaining “the curse”. Only now do you feel ready to come out of
hiding in order to submit this list to BangItOut.com.
9. You suggest to the shul board to plant ivy in the back of the
shul to instill awe and inspiration for davening.
8. You start attending brit milas, where children’s names are Sammy,
Moishe (Moises), and Kerry.
7. You find yourself often mixing up the phrases “Next year is our
year” and “L’shana Haba’ah b’Yerushalayim.
6. You realize that there’s no coincidence that the Cubs colors are
blue and white.
5. Holidays take on a new meaning: You consider Nissan the “Time of
our Redemption” because it usually coincides with Opening Day at
Wrigley. Instead of concentrating on self-reflection come Yom
Kippur, you find yourself reflecting on the holes in the cubbies’
lineup wondering what kind of teshuva is necessary to get them into
the playoffs NEXT year.
4. Also during Ellul, when beating your chest for “al chaits”, you
find yourself doing the Sammy kissing of two fingers.
3. You and your people have long wandered the desert, believing with
steadfast faith, that you will reach the promised land one day.
2. Despite years of trials and tribulations, of mockery and
persecution from your enemies, Yemach Shemam (Yankee Fans), you
nonetheless remain identified and affiliated.
1. Mesilat Yesharim teaches us to view this life as but a vestibule
to the World to Come, to cope with the difficulties and challenges
of this world, for all the sweeter will it be when we arrive at the
World to Come. So too, as Cubs fans, we must see these last 96
years of exile, of being in the baseball Diaspora, as a necessary
prelude, so that we are zocheh the sweetness that will be the World
Championship.
