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Bang us Feedback: bang isaac |
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| the daily bang | kosher top 10 | movies that bang | music that bangs | books that bang | forwards that bang |apartments that bang | home |
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| The Kosher Top 10 Top 10 ways you know you work
at a Jewish Organization |
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10. When you wear a headband you hear people whisper "is that her hair, or is it a fall?" after you walk past them. 9. You spill your lunch all over yourself and your cubicle neighbors yell "MAZEL TOV." 8. There is a shamos box in the copy room. 7. People notice how many times per week you order in lunch, whom you order with, what exactly you're eating, and how much it cost. 6. The "director of human resources" tries to set you up on dates with 35 year old men who live in Queens. 5. The soda-pop cans that are supposedly for every one in the organization are always under lock and key in a "special fridge." 4. You have to (get to) shout in hebrew on the phone. 3. At least 4 people in your office are related to each other. 2. The only non-jews around the place work in the accounting department. 1. your salary reminds you of this lovely liturgical quote from the beginning
of musaf: "ve kol me she oskim be tzarchei tizbur be emounah???????"
HAKADOSH BARUCH HU YESHALEM! Please send all comments, questions, and phone numbers
to Ilana 20. At least 4 people in your office are related to each other. 19. You regularly hear people shouting in Hebrew on the phone. 18. There is a shamos box in the copy room. 17. There is a constitution (for non-profit organizations), but no one knows where it is. 16. Business plan, shmissness plan. Taxes, shmaxes. 15. Black coffee? What do I look like? An Episcopalian? 14. The soda cans that are supposedly for every one in the organization are always under lock and key in a "special fridge." (It is rumored that some of them only have a "K" on the label. Gevalt geshriggen!) 13. No two employees have the exact same benefits plan. 12. Half the senior managers have masters degrees in Jewish Education and Jewish History. One person has a degree in business, but no one listens to him because he does not have smicha. 11. The Board gets to decide whether the 1 p.m. mincha minyan davens nusach Ashkenaz or nusach Sefard. The "Rav" of the minyan davens off his Palm Pilot. Everyone else is jealous. 10. If you (or your wife) is in her ninth month of pregnancy, your medical insurance company is about to be changed with one dayıs notice. 9. Microsoft spellcheck is useless because most words in memos are only vaguely reminiscent of English. Takeh! 9a. No one knows the difference between "its" and "itıs." 9b. "Takeh" is a valid adjective. Or adverb. If you have smicha, you are permitted to use the word "gradeh." 8. Every job description is at least 10 years out of date. Or lost. Preferably, both. 7. Every employee gradeh carries the sales tax exempt number in their wallet. If an employee pays sales tax, it is reported to the Board for disciplinary action. 6. There is no Board secretary, because no one wanted the job. So Board members rotate and take turns in not writing up the minutes. 5. You get one dayıs notice to prepare your departmentıs annual budget. (Only applies to very sophisticated operations; the rest do not, of course, have a budget.) Your budget is approved six months later, three months into the new fiscal year. 4. Except for administrative and clerical staff, everyone else gets paid on the basis of how much money they need. Or say they need. or want. 3. There are many lengthy meetings, but no decisions are ever reached. 2. Men employed for the organization all (allegedly) have smicha and are considered professional staff. Women employed by the organization are considered support staff, but actually run the organization while the men run back and forth having meetings and looking busy. ... and the #1 sign is ... 1. It is commonplace and acceptable to refer to oneıs workplace/employer/organization as "Chelm"! From Meira Maierovitz Drazin From tobiqua@yahoo.com "...If you want to speak to Shimmy,
press 1. If you want to speak to Shaindy Birnbaum, press 2. For Shaindy
Spitzer, press 3. For Shaindy Eisenbach, press 4. For Shaindy Rivky
Lefkowitz, press 5. For Shaindy Sury Schwartsberger, press 6. For all
other Shaindys, press 7. For the directory of Yitzhaks, variations,
and diminutives, press 8. To speak to a Moishe, and for all other
inquiries, please press zero now or wait for the operator." -tk from Rachel Wolf:
my additions
Top 10 on how you know you work at a jewish org.
1) You can leave your wallet out in plain sight and never
have it stolen but From Jonathan Gewirtz JACS, Jewish Alcoholics, Chemically dependent persons and Significant others From Chaya Lung
JACS, Jewish Alcoholics, Chemically dependent persons and Significant others From Ephraim Shapiro
From Shoshanna Shapiro, Bucharest, Romania:
Hey Ilana! From Suri Grussgott Northeast Philly, PA:
*Anytime there is food left out for people, there is
usually a sign saying, "Not Kosher".
*Women who take maternity leave never come back
* On Sukkos, there is a lulav and esrog in the
conference room with a sheet on how to fulfil the
mitzva.
*Boro Park and Monsey girls make up the IT dept.,
working to make money so they can have enough to soon
B"H support a kollel husband
* Israeli news stations can be heard from people's
computers
* Pictures of the snow in Yerushalyim decorate cubes
* Emails are sent telling you what the time difference
in Israel this time of year is.
* You have heavy security in your building
*You get letters urging you to take jesus into your
heart...
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