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The
Kosher Top 10
Top 10 signs you are from Jewish Chicago
From da bears correspondent ,
Steve Goloskov
- You know what a Burger Buddy and an Avi are.
- You can't imagine life without Ken's Diner.
- Almost every wedding you go to is at the Congress or the Hyatt.
- Bagel Country -- 80,000 sq. feet dedicated to...........bagels.
- Why is it that every kosher restaurant at the corner of Pratt and California
fails?
- What the hell was No Whey Cafe about anyway?
- You look forward to shul on Friday night so you can read the Likutei
Peshatim.
- You live in a crappy, old, poorly maintained 50 - 100 yr. old apartment
building managed by a crappy, old, poor landlord.
- You feel a sense of pride when you tell people you live in the Cagan
building.
- You know that Eagle-man ("wow, look at those low rates") is really
a frum Yid.
- You sometimes wonder in the back of your mind if the burning down of
B'nei Akiva (Chicago Kollel) by arsonists 10 years ago was really just a plot
to get an incredibly gorgeous new building. Chos V'Shalom.
- You knew of someone who was somehow involved in the big money laundering
scheme with Columbian drug lords 5 1/2 years ago.
- You can think of 3 scandals involving local Jews at the toss of a hat
(pick any 3 you like).
- You once owned a pager from Beeper-Z, later known as SourceOne Wireless.
- You are a 22 year old, married stay-at-home mother of 1 with a house
in Lincolnwood, and you have a cleaning lady and/or a live-in maid.
- You categorize your friends based on whether they live North or South
of Devon.
- You're not sure which is worse, the long lines at Jewel or the dumb-ass
employees at Dominic's.
- You went to a school Kumzits on Lake Michigan.
-You've sped over to the Evanston, Touhy Ave. or Irving Park beach for
a quick T'vilas Kalim.
- Road construction everywhere, and you know all of the shortcuts to
avoid it.
- You were upset when they connected the West Rogers Park eruv to the
Peterson Park eruv, because now it meant you didn't have an excuse to not
visit with your in-laws on Shabbos.
- You at one point went to WITS.
- Rags to riches -- nursing homes, nursing homes, nursing homes.........and
real estate.
- You know your East and West, but not your right and left.
- You can't find the corner of Touhy and Belmont, but you can find 3200
North and 2500 West.
- You work for your father, father-in-law, uncle, or a very close friend
of the family.
- Store-front shuls.
- 588-2300 Empiiiiiiiire!
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Please send all comments,
questions to
Steve Goloskov
Readers Comments:
SUBMIT
From Daniel Cohn
You knew the score of the Cubs game on Yom Kippur 5764 before you left shul after Kol Nidre.
You go to ICJA, and you used the construction at Oakton as an excuse for being late for davening.
You cried when they finished Oakton, but were saved when they started working on Dempster.
Quick stop/7-11 runs
You had Mr. Newman
You know what Kosher City is.
You know there's only one way to get from Chicago to Skokie or vice versa on Shabbos
You know the name of every sculpture on McCormick
You know that you cant do Bnei Akiva and NCSY, but you don't know why.
You remember when Dunkin Donuts on Dempster was kosher, back in the day
You were so happy when it became kosher again
You remember when there was a light at Dempster and Hamlin, back in the day
You were annoyed when they put it up again.
773-202-beep beep beep beep-LUNAAA
From Yosisays
where you have to get drummets for the kiddish
tel aviv's cheddar fries
you played at thillins
youve been to mark two and seen yeshiva guys there with yarmelka hair youve goten wasted at the beach off of touhy
9:00 minyin at the f.r.e.e. your making fun of the russians instade of trying
to keep up with the litning speed davening
everyones in the nursing home busness
the only place you can find rediculousely huge houses in the middel of
regular neibourhoods
home of the burger buddie
yelshe ....... a hasbeen
From emes613@attbi.com
when someone says they live in skokie, you automatically assume they mean timber ridge.
you feel bad for anyone who doesn't live in the timber ridge part of skokie.
there's chicago, and then there's peterson and west rogers.
it's not a train, it's the red, blue, green, purple, or "skokie swift".
you know that:
golf is emerson
california is dodge
cicero is skokie blvd
crawford is pulaski
central is carpenter is niles center rd
Frum
You know that the only place to sit at Wrigley is the left field bleachers
Cubs games are never complete unless you are eating a sandwich of red meat
and matzos
You painted some of things under the grey paint in the tunnel at Skokie
You were part of the 1981 class yearbook
You remember when Devon Avenue did not have any sari shops
Frum
sakjk@netzero.net
Jewish Chicago feedback:
added to Avi Zimmerman's list (below)
You have become immune to that overwhelming smell at the corner of McCormick and Howard
Frum
Heydon Graham
Jewish Chicago feedback:
-"Saris and Cellphones": one stop shopping on Gandhi Blvd. and Devon.
Does that stretch of road have any jaywalking laws whatsoever?
Frum
-You have either worked at Slice or Ken's at some
point in your life.
-Nobody ever asks where do you want to go bowling, b/c
the obvious answer is Sy's.
-In Isreal, you get a sweet taste of home, whenever
you see "Donated by the Esformes family", or by Seymor
Abrams.
-When ever you mention you daven at Or Torah, you
always quickly shout, "the early minyon"
-You know what we really call Congregation Or Torah
-When ever somebody makes about "John" you know they
obviously reffering to the oldest emlploy to Skokie
Yeshiva.
-You know that the one place to buy alcohol under 21
is from the Russian casheirs at Hungarian.
-As a Yeshiva guy, you went to NCSY to be "inspired,"
not for any other reasons.
-You still see Walter, and instantly a random Yeshiva
meal pops into your head.
-You remember what was painted under the gray paint in
the tunnels at Skokie Yeshiva.
-You know the real name for Skokie Yeshiva
-You spend all of high school joking about never
marrying a New Yorker, but you inevitably go to YU,
and marry a New Yorker.
-When someone says they live on "the other side of
California" you instantly know what they are reffering
to.
-Even though you've never missed a an issue, you still
to this day have never read all that stuff at the
beginning of a Likutai Pshatim
-You remember what the inside of the NCSY ofice on
Lincoln looked like.
Frum
-In high school, you went to Slice almost every motzei shabbos during the summer
because nothing else was still open.
-You appreciate the superiority of the Bay-Ken Burger.
And if you're truly old school....
-Your parents and grandparents still talk about Maxwell Street.
-You know someone who went to the Academy when it was still in Lakeview.
-You've been going to "the J" since birth.
-Cara Passman
Frum
U've had 6 free scoops at Dunkin
Donuts on free scoop day
u know what a boarder is
you know all 3 rake ladies
you've bought m & m's driving down mccormick
you've been stopped by the fanny may people leaving village crossing
u know exactly what yeshiva u r refering to when someone says "yeshiva"
and it's a yeshiva and not a yesheeeeeva.
You've gone to Michael Jordan's house with Chai Lifeline.
You've been to Mekor on Fri. nite
Frum
:
You know what is small and purple at Skokie yeshiva.
Someone you know buys goods from Nick.
You vend at the cubs game.
You chose dunkin doughnuts over great Chicago just so you wouldn't have to
wait forever to make a left hand turn on Devon.
You have seen Mr. T at Jack's Restaurant.
You really thought that the Dunkin Doughnuts on Touhy and Laramie was
kosher
as opposed to kosher friendly
You call the gas station by the yeshiva the cafe.
You yell "ball ball" whenever you play defense.
You go to the Chabad House on Purim.
You tell people that you go to ICJA for a good english education, but
really
its because you need to be with the opposite sex.
----------------------------
From Melbrooke428@aol.com:
You know who Eagle man is, and have seen him in every kosher restarant... in the same day!
Mrs. Bass has made you cry
You brought coffee and dunkin doughnuts to Mr. Harris
From Kfarcenter@aol.com:
Your living family members recall your shul being located in Lawndale, Albany
Park, Rogers Park and Skokie within the course of 2 generations.
You remember The Bagel on Lawrence or Devon.
Kosher Karry. The Milk Pail. Lchaim. OK Korral. Gishtorbn.
Tel Aviv forever, Slice of Life NEVER!
You have an unhealthy craving for Mit Su Yan 20 minutes after eating there.
You compromise with friends from Skokie and go to Mit Su Yan on Christmas
day.
Gitls. King David. North Shore. Chaims. These make you think of cookies.
You know your way around Rosenblooms eyes closed.
You know what KAM, KINS, AKKI, AGBI, ASBI and ICDS STAND FOR.
You can name all 25 Sari Palaces.
Does anyone know how many Ezra Habonim's there are now?
You wish Great Chicago were not such a schlep.
You'd move to Lakeview, but where would you eat?
"I'm going to California" means you're headed to the Chood.
Cut-Rate Toys.
From Jack Gottesman:
You've had Mrs. Rosenzweig as a teacher.
You've see the Dvorins, at Kens.
Devon is like Israel and past California is the west bank.
From aviray:
Here are a couple more.
-Clap-Clap Clap, Ace!
-You've met my mother.
-You can name every failed eatery on the corner of Pratt and California.
From EGShell@aol.com
Here's some you forgot:
-You go to all the Academy/Yeshiva games (and are unable to talk to your
guy friends, because they go to Skokie)
-After Pesach you see every Jewish person you've ever met at Dunkin' Donuts
(other times during the year there are never people you know there)
-You show up at NCSY events only when there's nothing better to do on a
Saturday night
-You spend all your free time at Jerusalem waiting to see people you know
-When someone talks about Tel-Aviv you always know which of the four their
refering to (the pizza place, the bakery, the grocery store, or the city in
Israel)
-You walk in to Skokie from West Rogers Park on Simchas Torah (but of course
you don't actually daven at Or Torah)
-You know go to the Academy at least once a week, even if you don't actually
attend the school
-You can get around in Timber Ridge
-You know the back enterance to the Skokie dorm
From RGreen1230@aol.com
Here are some additions from "Used to live in Chicago but now live in the
real Ir Hakodesh"
*You know you're from (old) Jewish Chicago if you knew a guy who went to
Bais Yaakov
*You remember "Oozies"
*You remember "The Big Cheese"
*You at least once in your youth went to "Old Chicago" indoor amusement
Park
*The Arnold Miller band played at your bar-mitzvah
*You get a tingly feeling when you see am Israeli Hatzala van donated
by a Chicagoan
*Your sister attended the "Girl's School" and not Bais Yaakov
*When your deciding factor between Tel Aviv and Jerusalem depends on whether
or not you want fried cauliflower
*You would NEVER sit in the south east (next to the sink) corner booth
at Tel-Aviv
*You took Driving Range at Mather High School
*You are clearly not from Chicago if you pronounce Devon Ave "Devin Ave"
and Des Plaines "De-Pla" (like the French)
From Ely Sheinfeld
- You never learned the last line of the National Anthem until you were
10 because the only place you ever heard the anthem was at Hawks games.
- You have been deaf for at least 12 hours from sitting under the organ
at the Stadium.
- You have ever gotten frostbiten fingers from trying to sell Frosty Malts
at Wrigley during April.
- The words "OLD STYYYLE HEEEEEERE!!!" are music to your ears.
- You've never been to the observatory level of the Sears Tower but you've
been to day trips to the Museum of Science and Industry at least 40 times.
- You know every inch of the forest preserve at Willow and the Edens by
heart.
- You've held up a "Shawon-O-Meter" sign at Shea Stadium and lived to tell
the tale.
- You hate the Vikings with more passion than anything else in your life.
- You know what Punkin' Donuts is.
- a conversation about late night munchies comes up, all you have to say
is "Doris".
- You know that MJ's neighbor is Mr. Ha-Lo. and finally....
- You know that every shul north of Devon owes its existence to Rabbi Rosenthal
o'h , only because they were started by people fleeing his shul.
FromAvi Rothner
You can't find the corner of Touhy and Belmont because they are parallel.
From Leslie Ginsparg
You know you?re from Chicago when:
Someone tells you they?re going to Tel-Aviv or Jerusalem and you don?t
know if they?re going across the Atlantic or out for pizza
You pronounce Mozart, Mo-zart
The name Falbe still strikes fear in your heart
You won the Asher Essay Contest
At least 95% of your best friends, close friends, friends and acquaintances
are from Chicago
The view from Lake Shore Drive (which like McCormick has no speed limit)
still leaves you breathless
You can?t bear to eat cold cuts or hot dogs in New York because they
make you homesick for Romanian
Sleeping Bear, Four Winds Way, or Apple Grove. You know which one is
NOT the name of an actual street in Timber Ridge
It?s not Great Adventures, it?s Great America
You?ve been to every place Ferris Beuller went on his day off
You know exactly what?s located at 1060 W. Addison (How many New Yorkers
can tell you the street address of Yankee Stadium?)
You?re on a mission from G-D!
From
Jack Gottesman
Apon meeting some from out-of-town their first response to you after telling
them your from Chicago is, "Chicago, oh do you know michael jordan?"
Humbly submitted by
Charles Cohen
, a chicagoan for 4 years. and i still can't live it down.
so, so many things left out of the chicago article...
if you lived in chicago, you had to go to mosh. otherwise, you were vending
at wrigley, and dreaming about mosh.
"mosh" only refers to camp moshava in wisconsin. those "other" moshavas
are referred to with disdain, and a little pity that they can't be as cool
as mosh.
the only two things in wisconsin are mosh, and noah's ark waterpark.
as a born and bred cheesehead, i can confirm this.
one of your relatives was kicked out of either skokie or WITS, or both.
double whammy!
simchas torah in high school was in chicago, not on the UWS. and the
lishka is way cooler than OZ.
a saltzman or buckman was in your class.
you, or one of your friends worked at kens, and got you extra meat on
your sandwiches.
you eat best kosher meat, and the rest of the world doesn't know what
it's missing.
when you tell people you're from chicago, they smile nervously, and brace
themselves for the inevitable insanity.
shabbos davening in skokie results in louder crowds than at the united
center- and less davening. but, better food.
DRUMMETTES!!! boy, do we miss you, kosher kary.
dunkin donuts on devon and kedzie- open 24 hours. and now serves ice cream.
it is officially heaven, run by pakistani women.
you've gone over 100 on mccormick, because there's no speed limit.
you've skipped school to go to a cubs game, and weren't punished- especially
after bringing mr. harris a souvenir. this even works if you didn't go to
the academy.
wrigleyville and lake park- the smaller, cooler UWS. now if only it had
kosher resturants too...
you can't stand new yorkers, for the same reason other midwesterners
don't like you. (seriously, if i get asked "why aren't you ashamed to be
from milwaukee?" one more time, i'll just start calling chicagoans new yorkers,
which is equivalent to describing graphic sexual conquests of their parents.)
you know why it's called the windy city.
40 below zero on a sunday? that's football weather! and not just football
weather- BEARS weather!
everyone thinks you're nuts, even if you only went to high school there.
don't be afraid! i'm a cheesehead! we're not crazy! well, not AS crazy.
MEAT. mmmmmmmmmm. there is no obsession so consuming as the chicago devotion
to red meat, in all its forms. maybe being a cub fan, but either way, it's
chicago.
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