| 10. your cowboy hat has to be black
9. Your mom sets you up on a shiduch date with your sister
8. Your belt buckle has to be big enough to cover your knees
7. You think 2-stepping is what you do before you say Shemoneh Esrei
6. You wear a sheitle in the shape of a mullet
5. Your horse weighs less than any of the NCSY girls in your county
4. On the Shalosh Regalim you make your pilgrimage to the Jerry Springer
Show
3. You brush your teeth once a week in honor of Shabbos
2. No amount of alcohol can mess you up on purim
1. The parchment for your shul's Torah was made out of the skin of your
childhood pet
 Readers Comments: to SUBMIT
From
:
YOU MIGHT
BE A JEWISH REDNECK IF...
(from our 1997 regional walk in)
by Dani Davis, Steven Schwartzberg, and Dani Lindenberg
1. you think marrying
your first cousin is not only permitted, but Biblically mandated
2. your home is mobile and your Sukkah ain't
3. you have a gun rack in your Sukkah
4. your idea of Shalosh Seudos is a six pack of beer and some Redman (chewin
tobacco)
5. Ad D'Lo Yada applies just about every night
6. you think the KKK is a kosher symbol
7. you were ever too drunk too ebb
8. you speak more English than your chapter advisor (or shul president)
9. you light your Shabbos candles from your cigarette
10. the only plant in your house is your lulav
11. the only area on your lawn that is mowed is the spot where you burn
your chametz
12. your idea of bathing is using the Mikvah
13. your siddur lists the Shabbos greeting as Shabbat Shalom Y'all
14. "Yiddin" isn't the only line dance you know
15. your regional cheer is "The South Will Rise Again"
16. your chapter song is "Achy Breaky Heart"
17. your Shabbos suit was a blue light special at K-Mart
18. your Shabbos hat is a 10 gallon Borsalino
19. Willie Nelson ever sang at your Melaveh Malkah
20. your local Sofer shoots his own K'laf (parchment)
21. you've ever used the theme to "Rawhide" as a tune for Kedusha
22. you've ever fired a shotgun at the sound of Haman's name
23. your belt buckle is bigger than your yarmulke
24. you give Ma'aser from your spittoon
25. a tish just isn't a tish without a bug zapper
26. you've ever called the psychic friends network to pasken a Shailah
27. when you hear the shofar on Rosh Hashanah you let your hunting dogs
loose
28. you know what Brachah to make when you see a UFO
29. your Rabbi ever yelled "Yee-Haw" during his sermon
From
:
All you gotta do is cut the
grass to find your succah.
From
From
:
You spend an hour with your
chevrusah debating whether Jethro was 'yoitzeh' with that gartel...
You're sure the Ford F-150 is k'neged the number of kapitlach tehilim.
Half the shul is 'sick' the shabbos when we read the parsha with that BS
about 'bat dodo blah blah blah blah...'
The mechitzah is made of chicken wire.
You lain Monday and Thursday morning cuz that's when you go into town to buy
feed.
The rebbe gets a suspiciously large number of kashrus shaylos b'inyan
"'coons".
When the machers give a kiddush, its chitlins for the entire tzibbur and the
Coors flows like water baby!!!!!
Rotating mincha minyan at Napa Auto Parts.
Grammy Yoel's kiddish 'shine kicks Kedem's ass anytime!
Pretty much noone is able to accurately figure out 'mayser'......ten
per-huh?????
One word: Um Kshe Oref.
From Steven Shickman
- After Shabbos, you light your cigarette off the havdalah
candle.
From steve.goloskov@verizon.net:
- After Shabbos, you light your cigarette off the havdalah
candle.
- You drive Bais Yaakov carpool in a pick-up, with all the kids sitting
in the bed of the truck.
- You hunt deer and then perform shchitah on it.
- The chazzan at your shul sings Kedusha to the tune of "Devil Went
Down to Georgia" or "Freebird".
- You swear up and down that your Rav is the spitting image of Charlie
Daniels.
- In place of a curtain on the Aron Kodesh, there is Rebel flag.
- You're shul is in a trailer on cinderblocks.
- There's an eruv around the trailer park.
- You lain with a heavy southern accent.
- When having a L'chaim, "One bourbon, one scotch, one beer"
by George Thoroughgood goes through your mind.
- Dancing to "Yidden" at someone's wedding reminds you of when
you went line dancing the other night.
- You're from Baltimore, Frederick or Randallstown.
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