10) The concept of a Volvo with a surfboard
strapped to the roof and a "We Want Moshiach Now" bumper sticker on the
rear bumper seems perfectly ordinary.
9) NONE of the Young Israels are where they actually say they are.
Young Israel of Century City is NOT in Century City. Young Israel of
Beverly Hills is NOT in Beverly Hills. Young Israel of Hancock Park? Oh
forget it!
8) You know that on Motzey Shabbes, the YULA hangout is Nathan's and the
VTC hangout is Maison
7) You live in Pico-Robertson. Fairfax is 10 minutes away but is
considered "the other side of town".
6) You've spent 20 minutes on a Shabbos morning trying to find JLE or Or
Simcha.
5) Kosher Sushi... Walking distance. (but who walks?)
4) There's a shul you go to every week, and
on the next block, a shul in which you'd NEVER set foot.
3) You spot a Chasid driving a P.T. Cruiser, and you don't bat an
eyelash.
2) The New York style deli here is better than any of the ones in New
York.
1) You never refer to Kehillas Yaakov by its name, but rather by its more
popular moniker, "Rabbi Bess' Shul."
 Readers Comments: To
submit your own, please send an email to
submit@bangitout.com:
From
Top 15 Ways You Know You're From Los
Angeles, but Have Been on the East Coast Too Long
15. You still refer to Pizza World as
"Nostra"
14. You can walk out of the house
without a coat in 40 degree weather
13. You've never heard of Munchies,
much less eaten there
12. You call Valley Torah High School
V.T.C.
11. Nagila Fleishigs?????????????????????????
10. You're more comfortable riding
public transportation than riding "the (Coldwater)
Canyon"
9. You think 213 is the area code for
Hancock Park
8. You prefer the term
"supermarket" to "market"
7. You don't cringe when people use
the word "pocketbook" (It's a purse!!) or "oaktag"
(It's a poster board!!!!! What the #%*@ is an oaktag???????)
6. " Toe- ruh" (Torah) and
"Moe-ruh De-voe-ruh" (Morah Devorah) roll off the tounge, as
does "Ah-renge (orange) Juice from "Flah-rida"
5. You think The Grove is a place
where "Ah-ren-ges" are grown
4. You think Rabbi Weiss is still the
Rabbi of Beth Jacob and Rabbi Cohen is still the Rabbi of Shaarei Tefila
3. You're offended when women wear
white shoes before Memorial Day and after Labor Day
2. You don't know that the Law School
is now Yavneh, Yavneh is now Bais Yaakov, Bais Yaakov is now Toras Emes,
and Toras Emes is three times the size it was the last time you were in
L.A.
1. You've stopped referring to the
Puerto Ricans as "the Mexicans"
Fromthe busdriver has a
system
From Jewgal613@aol.com:
You drive all the way to the city on a saturday night just to go to munchies.
when you use 15 minute parking zome at city walk so you dont have to pay $8 for parking.
Valley Torah girls basketball team only wins when the other team forfitts.
When your Rabbi shows up at your boy girl parties.
If your not 18 the curfew patrol kicks you out from century city.
When you get suspended at Valley Torah they tell you to take the "day off."
Girls drive by Nathan's just to see which guys are there.
When you go to Las Vegas every vacation.
Hang out at La pizza on Thursday nights after Tomchei Shabbos.
Going to 7/11 at 3 am just to get slurpies.
You go to Coffee Bean and you always see famous people.
Your parents buy a new car the second you turn 16.
When you always say "Sheyn Kamohu!!!"
On the way to the city you get stuck behind the gay parade.
You go to the grove just to see the water show.
Everyone has a swimming pool.
When Baskin Robins has free scoop day the whole Jewish Community is there with their whole family.
You go to New York(Burro Park) just for good shopping.
You go to Fish Grill in the valley because it's nicer.
When YG guys and BYLA girls meet behind Pizza World.
From
- You're
jealous that YULA boys/BYLA /YGLA got nice new buildings only AFTER you
graduated (and what about YULA Girls??)
- You pity the poor NYers who've never heard of Coffee Bean and are stuck with
just Starbucks.
- Even though Nathan's and PKD rocks, you secretly wish that they had a
Doughie's here (not to mention Drake's Cakes, how come they don't have them here
anymore?)
- You're the token white dude in the local Persian Mafia chapter (and they've
renamed you "Dariush").
- You remember when Pico wasn't overrun by Persians.
- You can't understand why your friends have made a mass exodus to the East
Coast when they all just come back anyways.
- You know what "the other side of town" means.
- If you're Persian, you've left your respective shul to join "Rav
David's" shul in Beverly Hills.
- You have an excellent vocabulary of Persian and Spanish curse words, yet
English is your primary language.
- "Chet formation" -- does that ring a bell with anyone from YULA/BYLA?
- If you're a BY girl, you wonder what YG guys are like; if you're a YG guy, you
KNOW what BY girls are like.
- Elat Market: a constant mob scene, yet you still keep going back there because
the fruit's cheap.
- YULA Yearbook: the most coveted and perused yearbook among all the high
schools here.
- You know that most shuls started out in Beth Jacob's basement.
- You went to Harkham Hillel Hebrew Academy back when it was just Samuel Fryer
Hillel Hebrew Academy, and Yavneh wasn't in a law school.
- You tell people that you're staying here for college at UCLA/USC/SMC/CSUN, and
they look at you as if you've sprouted horns.
- You know that "Chinese and Kabob's" real name is "Kolah Farangi",
and the one on Pico is MUCH better than the one in Santa Monica.
- You're sick of Third Street Promenade (although it's fun to see people on
dates there).
- You've gone on a shidduch date to the Century Plaza Hotel.
- You can spot an "out of towner" from 10 feet away.
- You won't ever admit it, but you shop at Kmart, Ross and Target (and so do the
rest of your friends).
- You can't imagine living without Ralphs for midnight supermarket runs.
From
We would like to add these:
- You remember the old Nagila that became Yiddeshe Mamma and is now
Nathan's
- Every kid went to My Gym next door to Nagila
- Darryl Temkin took your graduation pictures
- You went to Disneyland on Grad night-- unless you went to Valley Torah
in that case nobody knew about it, or you pretended to go to Yula for the
night.
- You can drive the canyon in 7 minutes
- You have figured out over 199 ways to get to NH from the city
- Jerry's was the half way point for everything
- when meeting famous people at Jerry's isn't a big deal anymore
- the fact that Jerry's burnt down and we're still calling it Jerry's (AKA
sports center)
- When Maison closed down nobody could figure out what to do
- when you are hanging out in NY and you realize that everyone in the room
is from LA becasue those are the only people worth hanging out with and
someone screams out " Maison in twenty minutes" and everyone
gets it!!
- You know what Arrowhead and Sparkletts water is.
- Hellman's is not a mayonaise, Best Foods is
- Dreyers is ice-cream and Edy's is a name
- You worked at either Etta Israel Camp or Camp Simcha in the valley
- Your parents went to Rambam
- The people at Coffee Bean know your name
- You have more miles on Jetblue than any other airline
- Santee Alley and California Mart are frequented as often as the mall
- You go into Pico Glatt just to buy gum so you can park in their parking
lot to go to Nagila or Eilat Burger
- Fish Grill, valley or city, is the one restraunt NY needs
- You're weaned off of breastmilk with Coffee Bean
- You go to the Stern/YU California BBQ and see the people you're already
friends with
- When the dean of your school also has two Academy Awards in his office
- YULA has a screenplay writing class taught by a real
producer/screenwriter
- Going to Israel means traveling for at least 20 hours
- New York Times best selling authors are married and send their kids to
Shalhevet and YULA
- Two children of two different nationally syndicated radio talk show
hosts send their kids to Jewish high-schools
- You go to one of three orthodontists and people in the city go to Dr.
Goldenberg and Dr. Nagel
- You count the days to leave blizzardy New York and back home to Sunny LA
Good website! Thanks.
From googoogoojew@hotmail.com
They build a new eruv to accomadate everyone and after spending
thousands of dollars you find out Chabbad still doesnt hold by it.
A Rabbi will walk to the valley to speak rather than stay there over
night.
At a YULA/Shalhevet game someone is screaming "Let's Go Wolfpack!"
Someone has a barmitzvah at dodger stadium(True, Damn YICCers)
While speaking in gemurah class you start drifting into spanish, and
while speaking to your maid you say "ken" and "todah"
Chai Shai leaving is more upsetting than the Lubavitcher Rebbe's
passing.
We Beleive in the Lubavitcher Rebbe's Passing.
NCSY has a recording studio/movie making room for teen usage
You drive to valley at 3am just to get some Krispey Kreme donuts.
When you get them you buy 50 dozen and freeze them to prevent further
trips to the valley
Hillel's Lost and Found still has your jacket from 4th grade and your
in shana bet in Israel.
You have to go to YULA for a yeshiva interveiw B/C Shalhevet just
isn't shiach
Your saturday night entertainment is seeing how many people you can
get to answer amen to your hamotzi at nathan's
You win when the mexican behind the counter answers
and the number one is.....
you stay up till 2am reading bang it out bc/ you plan on graduating
early and dont care about school any more.
They show trembling before G-d in an "orthodox" shul
the same shul which has a womens minyan
and that gives the women the torah to carry through the
congregation
From Abbybarns@aol.com:
As a recent departee from the fair Pico/Rob area, I miss it tremendously and can't help but add a couple more ways you know you're Jewish in LA, as my parting gift...
-You work out daily at a gym that you drive to because no one walks in LA unless it is Shabbos or Yom Tov.
- You have a home phone number, cell phone number, pager number, email address and personal website all listed on your business card...and you're 9 years old.
- You think snow was created for your weekend skiing trips and is not a natural weather phenomenon.
- The nose job to Tallis ratio is holding steady at 3 to 1, despite the recent addition of Fairfax shuls to the list used to compute the average.
- You know that the Kaballah Center is not meant for you but is for "Hollywood types" looking for inner peace and enlightenment ---who couldn't get into that new strip aerobics class.
- You deem the drive to Vegas a "quick road trip" but the drive to the valley is a "schlep."
- Your clothes are from the finest boutiques on Rodeo Drive, your car costs more than most of middle America makes in a year and your home is featured in House Beautiful but the most likely place to find you is at the 99 cents store on Wilshire Blvd.
From Lou Shapp:
You spend
all your time in in ny complaining how LA is better
You wear a black hat on shabbos for fashionable reasons
You dont know anyone from the valley and they dont know anyone from city
Your from the city but you shlep to the valley because La Pizza is the best
pizza in the world..
You refer to Rabbi Stulberger as just "Rabbi"
You share all the Yom tov cab rides to the airport from Yu and Stern with all
the La'ers
You will only go to Laker game if you have tickets in the first 5 rows
Your version of going away for Peasach is only a 2 hour ride to Palm Springs..
You scream your lungs out at Valley Torah/Yula game even though you have been
out of the school so long you dont even know the names of the players.
You swear the last place you will ever live is ny
You never go to those sleepwaway camps that all the new yorkers reminisce about
all year because you would rather sit in the pool with your friends and drink
coke while they are all getting bitten up by misquitoes...
You think about how good dougies is every time you sit in PKD
You end up making a close friend from YU or Stern only to find they are also
from LA, but live on the other side of the hill.
You try to think back to the days when the customers in Nagila were Ashkenaz
You remember how ausome Rib Tickler on Fairfax was
You laugh everytime you speak to a friend in ny durring Succoss when its
raining and pouring there and you're tanning by your succah.
You count down the years from the day you set foot in ny till you will return
to Sunny LA..
I LOVE LA!!!
From Lauren Teichman Hancock Park, CA:
"You call a supermarket "the market" and everyone from NY laughs at you"
3rd installment From Heyden Graham Chicago (like totally from Calabasas):
-Even the frum people wear a black leather jacket to shul, probably
with designer sunglasses.
-You hate the vibe in LA, but you would never move because the good
weather makes you complacent.
-A "Shabbes walk" involves walking to the corner of La Cienega and
Olympic to look at Ferraris.
-You know where all the traffic lights are that feature red-light-runner
cameras.
-Even the frum people frown on smoking (halevai that the rest of the
frumkeit world would do so!)
-Only in LA would the sushi places offer to roll sushi on soy paper
instead of seaweed BECAUSE SEAWEED HAS TOO MANY CARBS!!! (this is true,
look into Crazy Fish sometime as you're walking to Beth Jacob on Shabbat).
-It never gets below 55 degrees in LA, yet there are 12 stores selling
floor rugs.
-All the Persian shuls have the same name (couldn't they think
of something different than Ohel Moshe?)
-You've been out of college for six years, yet you still try to get
the student rate at the Century City AMC movie theater.
-Only in LA - ONLY LA! - could rabbi's come to be named by their weekend
activity (ie the "surfing rabbi", the "biker rabbi", the "running rabbi")
(I personally know a rabbi that fits each of these descriptions with the
appropriate label).
-You know the "Beverly Hills Rebbe", but you don't know if he really
is a Rebbe or a Rabbi. I still haven't figured this one out.
-You would never EVER, under any circumstances, consider living east
of La Cienega. Don't even think about it. Instant cherem.
Even south of Airdrome is kind of "shvach".
-You've always wanted to check out Mogen Dovid since they made it Orthodox,
but you don't because it is too far a walk (chas v'Shalom you should walk
up a hill on Shabbat. You might shvitz right up your new clothes
from your boutique on Rodeo).
-Only in LA would they pronounce it "RoDEYo".
0And the LATEST sign that you are from Jewish LA:
-"Shopping for Shabbes" involves a trip to Whole Foods, Bristol Farms,
or TRADER JOE'S!!!
FromPil401:
You remember back when Dr. "Marc" Dauer, frontman for Viper Room residents the Jukebox Junkies, was just a brat named Simcha, tucking his peyos behind the ears and laining Rabbeinu Tam's.
FromSharon Reimer:
I thought I would keep adding to my own Top 10 List (thanks everyone for all the additions! They are very creative).
* You've been on a shidduch date in a makom pritzus.
* You've attended a kiddush celebrating Cinco De Mayo.
* You would never consider living in, like, the Valley.
* You've spotted a Jewish Star (no, not a magen david) in the Mitzvah Store.
* You attend fashion shows, oops, I mean shuls.
* You drive half a block to morning minyan.
* The Chabad Telethon . . . . . . need I say more? Would chassidim in NY ever have a telethon???
More FromHeyden Graham Chicago (like totally from Calabasas):
How about:
-You know exactly where LA ends and Beverly Hills begins.
-To save money, you try to grab an apartment south of Beverly Hills.
But, you want to live North of Pico. Leaving you exactly one block to comb, on each street between La Cienega and Beverly. Exactly how many times can one circle the block before getting arrested for loitering?
-All the frum kids take karate at that one dojo on Pico.
-How can Pico be so run down and Olympic so nice, yet they are only one avenue block apart?
-Only in LA can there be a sheylah/machloket as to whether a vegan restaurant needs a hechsher.
-Frum styles can somehow include the Puff-Daddy oversized tinted pimp sunglasses and sparkles.
-Only in LA could they house a shul in a converted movie theater (no joke).
-In LA, a guy's preparation for a date includes a car wash (this is serious).
-To escape Pico Robertson, you decide to go to the Coffee Bean on Melrose. There you see everybody else thinking the same thing.
-The movie "Swingers" is your cultural icon.
-You keep machmir "lo tignov" (no theft), but Napster is OK.
-You keep machmir "baal tashchit" (don't waste), but driving to hundreds of miles a week in an 8-miles-per-gallon SUV doesn't count.
-"Camping" involves room keys and ice machines.
-In LA, everybody has screwed up first names. Can't anybody just be named Joey and Johnny and Suzie anymore?
And the NEWEST sign that you are from Jewish LA:
-At the Shabbat table, somebody refuses challah because it has carbs.
From Heyden Graham Chicago (like totally from Calabasas):
-The openning of "Munchies" was a formative event in your life.
-Only in LA could Chabad have three centers within a half-mile radius of
eachother: one for normal, one for Israelis,
and one for Persians (speaks volumes about the quasi-segregation of the
LA community).
-You have proposed having a siyyum on PKD Turkey Club sandwiches.
-You walked into the Happy Minyan on Yom Kippur at 8:05am. Some guy
with a beard and wild eyes, wearing a "Na
Nach Nachma" kippa, tried to get you to dance with him. You left shul
at 9:03pm (no break from davening).
-The date place WAS Baskin Robbins until Munchies openned up.
-You know when the Persian-Chinese restaurant has its hechsher back.
-During your three block Shabbes walk to shul, you pass 23 dry cleaners,
all of which are owned by Persians, all of whom
are related to eachother
- During your three block walk to shul, you pass 7 kosher grocery
stores, all of which are owned by Persians, all of whom are related to
eachother.
-During your three block walk to shul, you pass 6 Jewish paraphenalia
stores, all of which are owned by Persians, all of whom are related to
eachother.
-People claim that the kosher gourmet cake store is amazing. They're
wrong.
-Your high school has has three roshes in the last seven years.
-When you go shopping at the Ralphs, you just have to park in one of the
three top level spots to avoid having to park
underground. Probably so you won't lose cell phone signal for those
five minutes.
-In LA, even the frum people are cool. Movie stars show up in shul. A
hot dog store sells sushi (I kid you not).
-In LA, even the secular people are Jewish. Half the town is Jewish (to
the extent that they understand Seinfeld), and
the other half are goyishe transplants trying to break into the movie
business and trying even harder to learn how to
pronounce the "chet" sound.
-Motzei Shabbes means going to Santa Monica and walking around looking
for yamulkes.
-If you are a girl still in high school, the fashionable thing is to
walk to Beth Jacob in sneakers, yet carry your nice shoes in a small
shopping bag. HOWEVER, the key element is that the shopping bag MUST
have the name of a premium brand store (Bloomingdale's or Saks' or
Neiman Marcus are "lehatchillah", even Nordstrom is kind of "bedei
eved").
-You yell out "hey Bobek" on the street, and eight guys turn around.
-"Dressing Tznius" still means that your skirt is the $300 one you found
on Beverly Drive.
And the new Number One sign you are from Jewish LA:
You live in a tiny dingy Stucco apartment, yet you still somehow drive a
BMW.
From Adam Kenigsberg Davis, CA (formerly of the L.A. area)
Rabbi Bess' shul has another name? Wow, I learn something new everytime I look at bangitout! Now if only I could ever get invited for shabbos in NYC....
From Seth Galena Lower Merion, PA
- Life gameplan: Go to New York (YU, Stern, Barnard) meet NYer, get married,
move home to LA, sit by pool
- you went to Ner Yaakov in Israel
- For work, you claim you are writing a screenplay (AKA you don't work)
- you spend your entire shabbos comparing NY to LA - i.e. talking about the
weather.
- You know what the Happy Minyan is
- you have spent hours deciding on eating Nagila meat or milk
- you have had shabbos lunch with evan and jarron
- you live in the 90210 area code
- you think Melrose Place sucks
- your next door neighbors are movie stars, but to you they are just neighbors
- you own 5 Stussy vintage hats
- you pronounce the Bnei Akiva trip MAchach like you are from Canada - Mo-CHOCH
- you relive your days going to Red Sarachek tournaments, as you still have
your YULA basketball jacket in your closet
- you like a band called Love/Hate
- If you don't become blackhat yeshivish or lubavitch chances are you are not
frum
- you spend half your life sitting in traffic
- you got a cellphone at your bris, Shaq came to your Bar Mitzvah
- when you are bored on Motzei Shabbos, you goto Vegas
- you have season tickets to every team sport in the LA metro area
- you talk about the gang wars (bloods) like you were there.
- you have never been to Disneyland, Universal or Venice Beach
- You speak Spanish (due to your maid raising you)
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