It's time to break out the honey dishes and
little baby spoons as Rosh Hashanah rapidly approaches. A time for
reflection on past transgressions and future aspirations, the High
Holidays is an opportunity for time honored traditions to come full
circle. Follows are top 10 traditions to look forward to this holiday
season:
10) Spending Rosh Hashanah dinner knocking on your neighbors' door because
you forgot to purchase the "new fruit" before candle lighting.
(Note to most - since you've spent the summer eating blueberries,
strawberries and cherries - you will end up eating an apple as the new
fruit as it has been at least 30 days since you've had one)
9) A woman will come to shul wearing a leather skirt and white sneakers on
Yom Kippur (please, someone explain that one to me)
8) Turning the house upside down looking for the swatch of fuzzy pink
carpet that you father/brother kneel on (you'd think they'd write down
where they put it last year - but hey, it's a guy thing!)
7) With the mentality of "if you buy it, they will come" - empty
seats will crop up all over shul as parents of marriage-aged children hope
and pray that next year that seat will be filled.
6) Someone will inevitably be in the men's room when it's his turn to open
the Aron (bonus points goes to the people in my shul who kept a straight
face when that gentleman realized that not only did he leave his Machzor
outside the bathroom, but that his fly was down)
5) Wearing your new sweaters. It's tradition to break out the wool for
shul - as the 450 pound Gabbai (who also controls the AC) will surely need
the temperature to be a cool 40 degrees in time for the first shofar
blast
4) The "Baby Volley." The US Open has nothing on some of
the mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles and grandparents who spend Mussaf
volleying their babies back and forth over the Mechizah for equal show off
time on each side
3) At least four women will come to shul wearing the same outfit they
bought at Aishet Chayil on Main Street (and only the 19-year-old will go
home and change during the Rabbi's speech.)
2) Your grandmother will get to shul at the crack of dawn in order to
rearrange the rows so that she can stretch out her arthritic knee.
(Attention Rosh Hashanah committee - this is not El Al coach - please,
please factor in that most people need some legroom when you set up
chairs!)
1) The Yizkor-break Inquisition. This is when all the people you haven't
seen in a year (consisting mostly of people you tolerated in high school)
spend Yizkor grilling you on who you're dating, why you aren't married,
why you are still living at home with your parents, where you bought that
outfit, etc.
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