10- Atoh Yotzarta on Shabbos Rosh Chodesh. If you’re looking
quizzically at the screen and muttering “ What’s that?”
you’re only proving my point.
9- Ve’yehi Noam on Motzaei Shabbos.
Saturday nights- so much to do, so little time.
8- Be’rich Shemei before krias haTorah. My
Aramaic just isn’t what it used to be. Besides, it’s much easier to
wait until they start singing from “bei, bei ana rachitz…”
and enthusiastically join in at that time.
7- Bameh Madlikin on Friday Night. Long.
Very long.
6- The 2nd Yekum Purkan on Shabbos
morning. Even the first is stretching it. Proper procedure is
actually to space out for several minutes and then begin “vechol mi
she’oskim betzarchei tzibbur be’emunah…” in a loud,
sing-song voice.
5- Pitum Haketores on Shabbos morning. Kind
of gets lost in the shuffle between Ain K’elokeinu, Anim Zemiros and
the shul president’s best wishes for a refuah sheleima to Mrs.
Kleinbard.
4- Ana B’koach during Kabbalas Shabbos. If
you were really supposed to say it, the siddurim would have it in normal
sized print. Extra credit here for annoyingly invoking the Miami Boys
Choir classic to these words in a just-audible hum before moving on
seamlessly to Lecha Dodi.
3- Korbanos before Pesukei D’zimra. My
second cousin twice removed claims to have once met someone who had a
relative who’s neighbor knew someone who said them. But I’m not sure
I believe him.
2- Vehu Rachum on Mondays and Thursdays. For
those who just can’t seem to get enough Tachanun, there’s this
twice-weekly special. For the rest of us, there's usually something
lying around on the table to read.
1- The Shir Shel Yom on Wednesday. Talk
about a midweek crisis. Why can’t every day be Tuesday?
 Readers Comments: To
submit your own, please send an email to
submit@bangitout.com:
From Adam Paul
Without question, THE most skipped paragraph is "Kaveh el Hashem", just after the amidah and before Ein Kelokeinu on Shabbat. Although only 3 lines long, I've never seen a shul take even a second to say these lines between kaddish and einkelokeinu, nor have I ever seen any single person uttering the words. Ever. Most skipped "standard print" part of davening for sure.
From Naomi, BRooklyn:
I would have to say U'Vah Li'Tzion. It's like four pages of straight Aramaic, no way anyone can say it in the two minutes waited between Lamnatzeich and Aleinu. No way. Unless, of course, my siddur is just playing a joke on me and it's really a very short simple prayer in hebrew in everyone ELSE'S siddur. That's probably worth checking out.
From Dovid
Morse
The lengthy "Al hacol yitgadel" while the Torah is being brought out
and everyone
else is draying "L'ch Hashem hag'dula" to avoid the longer paragraph.
Some
people probably don't even know it's there.
From
Baruch Hashem Le-olam, amen v'amen. (in maariv, before amidah). I
actually went to a conservative service and they said this, and I had no
idea what they were saying.
From
Al Neharot Bavel before weekday Birkat HaMazon
Rabbi Ishmael's Thirteen Rules in Birkot HaShachar
Tachanun on Mondays and Thursdays (and other weekdays, sometimes), there is no possible way you can get through all of Tachanun in less than
thirty seconds.
Shir HaShirim before Shabbos
Tehilim 144, 29, and 67 before Borchu at Motzaei Shabbat
Vayiten Lecha and other verses of blessing before Havdalah, and Tehilim
128 after the verses?
HaMavdil and other Z'mirot after Havdalah
Does anyone still do Kriyat Shema Al HaMita before going to sleep? For
those who answered yes, how many of you do the WHOLE thing?
From
The way I see it is that if the Ba'al T'filah races through them like
he couldn't care, then why would I think they're important.
I would add to the list p'zukei d'zimrah for that matter, and all of
davening, because really how does anyone really pray in sincerity at
the rate most shuls flip the pages.
From
what they'd say: what a williamsburgian would say after seeing this list:
vos tirztech, vos eppes, vos machsta
vos is dus?
its a shanda busha
kimme her, , take off your gatchkes, ill give you a
zetz, potch and a knip on your kepi and your boichel
aynts, frei, drei..
you shaygetz, shmuck, shmendrick
you give me tzuris, your not a mentch nor a chnuck,
your a vilda chaya, chlaria, a bissel mishugeneh,
almost a shvartza
genug!
ill keep my shvigger, shverer, machatunim, eineklach
and kinderlach away from u
no borscht or bilkele for you!
no shidduch red for u!
From Sk8Jake@aol.com:
Although only skipped one day a year, making it difficult to be the most popular skipped part, Hoshana Rabbah, Judaism's perenial endless merry go round, should still be on the list as it looms at the end of this very week.
From Asher Samuels:
Tachanun "C'mon, it has to be yahrtzeit of some Rav or another!"
From Yak071@aol.com:
Barchi Nafshi on Rosh Chodesh
From Isaac:
"Im Tushiv B'Shabbos Raglecha" first paragraph in Shabbos Morning Kiddush: Unless your Rabbi Allen Schwartz shlita, this paragraph is just for bonus points, or just a preamble or intro, kinda like The FBI Warning in front of a video, no one reads it, but everyone knows its there.
All the "Extra Stuff" in Kiddush Levana: Shalom Aleychem, Alyechem Shalom. The End.
All the "Extra Stuff" in Tashlich Service: One paragraph, chuck my bread crumb sins, then hit the high school social scene.
All the "Extra Stuff" in the Bedtime Shema prayers: Does anyone say this, or do they just hum Hamalach Hagoel a few times?
From Mindy
Ana B'koach: Help! As soon as i saw "ana b'koach" on this screen the Miami tune came to mind... then I read the next comment... aaaahhh!!
~ M!ndy, diehardest MBC fan
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