10. Thanking your sister for being bratty, although helping you with homework
9. Two Words: Huggy Bear
8. You have no clue what your Haftorah was about, but it did mention "concubine" a lot.
7. Whoever thought of that napkin-made jump rope was a genius.
6. Doing the helicopter spinning dance until someone needed stitches
5. Your mom crying....about the flowers
4. Memory Glass filled with deep sentimental items like confetti and more confetti.
3. Getting beamed in the head by a sunkist candy
2. Capitalized Word "PAUSE" written into your speech: Mom and DAD, (PAUSE) you've always been there...
1. Thank G-d, you got your braces off in time!
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From Alan Strauss
having all the girls come to ur shul for every bar mitzvah to c all the hot guys.
From Gadi Bernstein
Obviously the speech: "I would like to thank my aunt and uncle for coming aaalllll the way from california to celebrate in my simcha. I would also like to thank my brothers and sisters for letting me live these past 13 years (PAUSE for laughs)....." you get the idea
From UltraVioletVA@aol.com - DEB
-Inviting all the popular kids and then finding them all in the youth lounge watching Sunset Beach while the heinous live band your mother hired plays multiple songs by the beach boys and beegees.
-Dancing with the sweaty kid arms length apart, and wishing you could wipe your hands.
-Sno-ball dancing. switching partners was never so devestating, if you were lucky enough to get picked to dance for 30 seconds.
-Musical boys, rather than chairs. second base!
From elephant6@aol.com
The dreaded bat-Mitzvah drink - I was forced to have three of them! You
know, the things that your friends make by combining a little of everything in
sight and stirring it all together? I recall one of my friends getting
toilet water in hers...blech!
From magic600@nyc.rr.com
-Getting about halfway through your speech before looking
around and realizing everyone is asleep.
-Inhaling heliums balloons and talking "really
funny."
-Eating salt grain by grain during the Rabbi's speech.
-Listening to the seven-run seventh inning of Game One of the
1998 World Series during the Rabbi's speech.
From TROPIKANA14@aol.com,
Your first swig of jack daniels/johnnie walker/godiva/smirnoff/kahlua and if you were really cool your first cigarette
From SMir85@aol.com, Bat Mitzvah Memories
The running man....nuff said
From Steve Goloskov
- The Rav tells you to lain "slow and loud". When he takes over at Shlishi, he rolls through it at 120 mph.
- Although you went to the bathroom just prior to Kryas Hatorah, you have the uncontrollable urge to go again the second you start laining.
- Numerous older aunts/uncles coming over asking if you remember them (you last saw then when you were 4). If you don't remember them, you don't get the check.
- Endless hours (an entire summer in my case), handwriting thank you notes to everyone.
- Having to take over for the Ba'al Tefilah @ Ein Kelokaynu, but not knowing how to read Pitum Haketores. So you wait 'till the end and say the last line aloud. Same goes for Aleynu and Shir Shel Yom (see "Most Popular Skipped Parts of Davening").
- Sweating profusely while giving your Bar Mitzvah speech.
- Your parents joining you on the Bimah to receive that "special gift" from your shul.
- You had one table for you and your friends, and another for the kids your parents made you invite.
From Steven Shickman
-'Amein' is not the first word of every aliyah in the torah.
-Oriental trading shtick (admit it, what the chicks do now at weddings, we did at bar mitzvahs)
-Those stupid satin cholent pot yarmulkas (usually lavender or silver)
-"Accidentally" kicking someone in the groin while dancing.
-Throwing the candies back in at the ladies section.
-Trashing the washington hotel...
From FuNkYFiShY@aol.com
also,
from Habachur Moshe Yoseph ben Shemuel Aharon in commemoration of the 10th anniversary of his Bar Mitzva
1) annoying octogenerian relative publically shows pictures of your mother giving birth to you, you being toilet trained, you in a highchair with food slopped all over your mouth, and other embarrasing childhood moments while kvelling about what a cute baby you are (usually accompanied by you running out crying in humiliation).
2) that time your pyromaniac friends almost burned down (a) the shul (b) the hotel bathroom or (c) the house the party was at because of that darned memory glass.
3) the next day, your principal lecturing THE WHOLE SCHOOL (even the people who weren't invited to the bar/bat mitzva) about decorum at a bar mitzva and passing empty threat to the parties who made that memory glass (if she ever finds them, that is).
4) let's not forget that open bar we were too young to take advantage of.
5) I swear that if one more person says I'm so proud of you, or even kisses me, I'm gonna explode.
6) let's also not forget coke/pepsi, those party favor glitter hats and ties and inflatable instruments we always gave out, and of course, that portrait dude who shows up at many bar mitzvot
7) finally, still wondering how manhood could start at 13 when u and most of ur friends are still rather prepubescent.
From Gary123448@cs.com
also,
1. losing that $150 cross pen and pencil set the first day you take it to school.
2. doing science experiments with salt and ginger ale at your table.
3. thinking - what the hell am i gonna do with TWO mikro'ot gedolot sets, when in truth, you havent opened even ONE in the last 6 months.
4. slow dances -- nuf said.
5. looking down your pants and saying "im a man?? what a cruel joke..." (switch to 'shirt' and 'woman' for you ladies...)
