the daily bang | movies that bang | music that bangs | books that bang | forwards that bang | kosher top 10 | apartments that bang | home

Chidushay Bang:

Parshat Shoftim: VH1 Behind the Avairah
by Uri Korn

Parshat Dvarim: UNITY
by Avi Korn

The UWS Survival Dvar Torah
by Avi Korn

Parshat Chukat: THE ROCK!
by Rivka Friedman

Do the Rite Thing
by Adam "the Katzker" Katz

Jerusalem, I Hardly Know Him!
by R' Michael Zauderer

Press Your Luck
by Danny Fax

"man vs. desire"

Bang the Rabbi, "In the Parsha" Series, Presents:

Parshat Ki Taysay:
How to Treat a Woman Right!

by  Bangin' Parshanute Expert, Lisa Selgisohn

This week's parsha begins with laws of the eishet yefat toar, the beautiful woman that you capture in war. These laws have always been difficult to explain ethically and are not what most Rabbis would call the Jewish way in love and marriage.

Chazal, Rashi, and other commentators have taken a certain approach to understanding this section. They work with the premise that marrying the idolotrous beautiful captive woman should be avoided in any way possible. The Rabbis were very aware of man's weakness especially in a time of war. Therefore they allowed a soldier to sleep with an idolotrous woman once. They derive this from the fact that the torah says, 'vlakachta' in verse 11 and does not describe the bringing her into the house until verse 12. The reason for permiting this man to sleep with her during battle is to squelch his desire in the hope that he then will not need to marry her.

In the event that this man still desires the idolotrous woman, he is told to bring her into his house, shave her head, grow her nails long, remove her seductive clothing, dress her clothing of mourners, and not touch her for thirty days as she sits and cries, in the hope that he will find her unattracctive and no longer desire her after that time. All this is to prevent the man from bringing in an idolotrous woman to his house. The Rabbis view is the accepted interpretation of these verses. However, the Ramban, takes a different approach and argues vehemently against the interpretation of chazal. The Ramban does not think that the soldier is ever allowed to sleep with the woman until after the 30 day process, an idea first suggested by the Tosafot in kiddushin. He believes that the torah is telling us a moral lesson here. It is never appropriate to use use this woman to relieve your desire. The only avenue to have relations with this woman is through marriage. Of course, it is forbidden to marry an idolotrous woman. Therefore, the process described at the beginning of our parsha is a process of forced conversion. Part of the conversion process is mourning one's idolotrous family, heritage, and culture. That is why the woman shaves her head, as Iyov had done after his tragedy. Also, the woman does not grow her nails, rather, the Ramban thinks that she cuts off her nails, another symbol of mourning, and she puts on mourning clothing and is given thirty days to mourn and prepare for her transition into becoming a Jew. Ramban goes as far as to say that if this woman decides that she willingly wants to embrace Judaism, she is converted immediately and skips this whole procedure.

The approach of the Ramban is more appealing to one's moral sensitivity. It is also more compelling when you see these laws in the context of the rest of the parsha and the sefer Devarim in general. Ki Tetse brings us a group of laws that focuses primarily on family and community life. The people are about to enter the land of Israel. In eretz yisarel the people will be scattered throughout the land and without direct intervention by God in every aspect of life. Therefore, the laws addressed in these chapters deal with civic life, justice, and family life. Most of the laws are concerned with how to treat others within a community. It seems likely that the the laws of the eishet yefat toar are also meant to teach us how to treat a woman in this unique situation, how to deal with a forced conversion, and that it is inappropriate to ever establish a purely sexual relationship outside of a marriage relationship.

According to chazal, these laws are focused on how men should channel their desires. Although, that is a topic that the torah should and does address, this particular section is about how man treats his fellow man, not how man deals with his own desires and limitations.

As we read the laws in Ki Tetse about marriage, parents and children, returning lost objects, helping your neighbor, and many others, we should take stock of our own relationships with others and how we could improve them especially during this time of tsuvah. Shabbat Shalom, Lisa

send comments about this article to "In the Parsha" correspondent,
Lisa Seligsohn.

Bang the Rabbi

Bang Home

Readers Comments: