According to the Rambam, when praying on Yom Kippur, specifcally at the Viduy, (the "Confession") one should insert his own specific personal sins which may not exactly fall into the traditional standard "Ashamnu" terminology. Rav Soloveichik many times even encouraged his talmidim to write on index cards any of these unique personal sins inorder not to forget them when reciting the sobering Viduy…I took this, like most genuine torah ideas, as an opportunity to truly help others, while sincerely at the same time, in the steps of our saintly ancestors, help promote a useless innappropriate jewish website. Enjoy – and 'bang' your chest hard…these may hurt.

Al Chait…

 

· For having an immaculate bookshelf full of seforim, of which, none have been opened…ever

· For not kashering your bong

· For wishing you were sefardi so you could get into the Latin Quarter

· For spending significantly more time in the street outside of shul, then inside shul (OZ)

· For praying with immense Kavanah upwards…to the women’s section.

· For using your thumb (shinui) to turn on the TV for the NBA finals on shabbos

· For making a Siyum on all the John Grisham books you've finished on shabbos

· For trashing Pizza Roma and then eating there every week

· For assuming everything in Sing Sing is kosher

· For going clubbing with your yamaka on

· For not setting up your friend with the guy/girl you’re friendly with, because, in the back of your mind, you want them.

· For missing minyan on 2 Rosh Chodeshs in a row….and all the other days in between

· For making a Tov Umaytiv when a better looking girl walks into shul than your girlfriend

· For not reciprocating meal invite to ones who’ve invited you more than 17 times

· For doing yiddin in the middle of the dance floor…at the Crane Club

· For telling people you davened at a shtipel on shabbos as you enter the Jewish Center at Adon Olam

· For not having any true allegiance to your place of worship, namely ‘The Parlour’ or ‘Fez’.

· For forgetting teffilin…at your girlfriend's apartment.

· For speaking badly about your friend…then dating her

· For not paying rent, to your girlfriend/boyfriend’s roommates.

· For saying “it was nice to meet you” to someone you’ve met 8 to 10 times before

· For not going to shul because your “not in the mood” …and cause “he”/”she” will be there

· For considering John Edwards your rabbinic spiritual advisor

· For being bitter about saying tehilim for Israel at the end of Friday night davening cause it takes too long

· For complaining how much you hate the ‘scene’, and then going back week after week

· For screening your calls…from your parents

· For not calling her back

· For calling her back over and over

· For going to Mincha/maariv, solely to find out what your Saturday night plans are

· For not saving the last slice

· For suddenly wearing hot tanktops and spandex to the gym, cause its more flexible

· For considering whispering slurred mumbles to a lil tune, benching

· For davening a total of 3 minutes every morning, obviously because it’s a-ok to skip all the middle stuff.

· For spending 3 minutes davening, and 20 minutes deciding if, either you’ve worn that outfit everyday this week, or simply if its too wrinkled to wear outside your bedroom.

· For taking 3 seconds to buy a kosher mezuzah and 3 months to buy a cell phone

· For using the 18 minute extension rule during shabbos day

· For rationalizing a borderline obsessive crush on your non-jewish coworker/classmate/neighbor/stuartess with concrete secret hopes that they’ll convert and become frum.

· For absolutely never ever making eye contact with the person your talking to at OZ

· For not introducing your friends

· For being exceptionally un-subtle about not wanting to talk to someone

· For thinking that there’s always someone more interesting to talk to

· For inviting a friend over for a meal, and talking the entire time solely to their Hot younger sister

· For praying to Hashem with full kavanah that a couple breaks up; saying “cause they are totally not right for eachother”, thinking “cause I totally want to move in”

· For making kiddush on Cocoa Pebbles choclate milk

 

· For telling your parents your meeting tons of guys/girls…conveniently not mentioning on a Jewish Singles Chat Room…for butch lesbians

· For calling yourself a social smoker even when your alone.

· For spending hours on Onlysimchas.com, warmly commenting with the phrase “How the efff did she get engaged”

· For knowing that girl/guy who you went through elementary school, high school, yeshiva in Israel, college and 12 years of summer camp in the same bunk, and who now lives in your building, takes the same subway as you, is dating your cousin, and is sitting next you at shul every week; and STILL never acknowledging their existence, even when you are wearing the same outfit.