If there’s one thing today’s Judaism is sorely lacking (besides a decent Cholov Yisroel chocolate bar), it’s a role model to whom we can turn for direction and inspiration. All too often, we find ourselves looking back to the days of yore in search of a true hero, and what better grounds to begin our quest than the story of Passover. It is here that we are introduced to perhaps the most relevant role model for our times, and by that of course I mean Pharaoh, ruler of Egypt.

  “Hey, wasn’t he a bad guy?” is what you’re no doubt thinking as you quickly peek into your illustrated Artscroll Hagaddas to double-check. “And besides, he wasn’t even Jewish!” (although some of his best employees were). Well, you’re right – but I still think that in a certain respect, we can draw as much inspiration from him as we can from some of our more traditional heroes (Rashi, Rambam, Sandy Koufax etc.).

  From Pharaoh we learn true determination. After enslaving the Hebrews, plague after plague rained down upon the people of Egypt. Did Pharaoh simply acquiesce and let the Jews free? No. He withstood incredible adversity in the face of his chosen course of action. Even as his subjects begged him to give in, Pharaoh would not bow to public pressure. He was a rock, an island, a bridge over the troubled Nile.

  But wait. What about Moses? Didn’t he display tenacity and courage as well? After all, doesn’t it takes guts to stare down a world leader and make unreasonable demands (unless you’re a terrorist with a bad accent, of course). The short answer is no. Not if you have God waiting in your corner with a bottle of heavenly Gatorade and words of encouragement spoken in a James Earl Jones baritone. The difference between Pharaoh and Moses lay in their respective support networks, and for this reason Pharaoh’s feat is all the more admirable.

  We can extend our discussion to the Akeida.. While this act is revered as one of the greatest displays of faith of all time (save perhaps that of Toronto Maple Leaf fans in the mid-80s), I contend that each and every one of you would have passed the test handily. Sure, slaughtering one’s only son on a distant mountaintop isn’t much fun for anyone involved, but if God actually bent down and whispered in your ear, you’d be off and running before you could say “human sacrifice.” But could you have stood up and faced unspeakable pressure like Pharaoh did? About as likely as (baby-faced Leafs defenseman) Thomas Kaberle showing up at the next game with a full beard.

  As Jews in the 21st century, we don’t have the constant reassurances of God through his prophets and miracles and other celestial post-it notes. World opinion and popular morality (there’s an oxymoron for you) have been continuously shifting ever further leftward. Where society once held more firmly to the bedrock of Judeo-Christian morality (think Leave it to Beaver and Pleasantville), we now find ourselves awash on Dawson’s Creek drifting helplessly towards Temptation Island.

  In short, we have very little backup in our role as the Chosen People, whether from above or (perhaps more importantly) from around us. When we gaze upwards to the heavens in desperation we don’t see God reassuringly waving a burning bush like those guys on airport runways, but rather the latest CK billboard replete with angelic models and tight men’s underwear.

  We are like Pharaoh in the face of the ten plagues – pressure from all sides and no one to turn to. Let’s take an example from him. I’m not suggesting that we enslave the planet and build pyramids (apparently, Jews prefer more discreet means of world dominance), but the next time you feel like you’re standing in the path of a (Red Sea) tidal wave of pressure, think of Pharaoh and follow in his determined footsteps. Walk like an Egyptian.

The writer is still in search of a Cholov Yisroel chocolate bar that resembles actual chocolate and costs less than $3.99. Please direct any suggestions to yaakov@hotmail.com.