Hello, welcome to my away message, how may I ignore you today?

On a scale of 1 to 10, I am a weigh.

I am not available because I am playing a computer game that takes up a good portion of the screen. In fact, just enough to obscure your IM.

Student Caught Reading Away Message, Feels Stupid

Just say I don't know to drugs.

Bed, bed, and beyond.

 Knock knock?
Who's there…
%n!
%n who?
Exactly what I was thinking too.

Away. (But if I was as big as you, I'd probably give myself a weigh.)

My pokemon brings all the nerds to the yard. And they're like, "You wanna trade cards?" Damn right, I wanna trade cards. I'll trade this, but not my charizard.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
 
 Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message.
 
 If you want to know where I am call a psychic! If you're too lazy to do that just leave me a message!
 
 I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!
 
 Hello, you have reached the automated answering service for YOUR SCREEN NAME , your message will be answered to in the order in which it was recieved, your message is number 8,243, please hold, your message is important to me.
 
 I hate short away messages.
 

Does your cursor look like this:?
Click Here to change it for free!

 I'm not talented enough to type and pick my nose at the same time.
 

 Only fools leave away messages.

 This is a sad and funny away message. The sad thing is you're IMing me thinking that I'm going to respond and the funny thing is that I'm sitting in front of the computer staring at the screen rolling on the floor laughing watching you IM me.
 
 Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
 

 There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.

Which of the three are you?
 

I'm in the bathroom because I'd rather put up with my crap than yours.

Today we salute you, Mr. All-Day Away Message. You live your life away from the computer with complete confidence that all your buddies know exactly what you're doing, and when. You don't hit that "I'm away" button until you've covered every  boring detail of your day since your last away message, right down to potty break updates. With obvious concern for your buddies of the nocturnal persuasion, you always end your day with a "sleeping" away message. Because with your little yellow notepad you say more than "I'm not here"—you proclaim, loud and clear, that you are not fit for life on this planet. So type up another semi-permanent away message Mr. Self-Absorbed, because next time we need an online newsflash, the last 10 minutes of your life is only a right-click away.

The last message was not sent because you are over the rate limit. Please wait until sending is re-enabled and send the message again.

ONLINE – Around %t an anonymous student, identified by the online persona %n, is reported to have checked an away message, and then felt really dumb.

Apparently seeking an end to boredom or perhaps indulgence of information on a secret crush, the student acted rather nosily and could not help prying. "I just feel so lame now," the perp admits.

I am not available because I am playing a computer game that takes up all my free time and leaves no room for social interaction.

 Ask me about my away message.

 Not to be childish, but %n is a big fat dookie head.

 I went that away ——->

Takin' a crap. Wanna help with the paperwork?

I'm busy studying. Or as they say in the porn business, "looking at porn."

Help! My grades have fallen and they can't get up.

Some people call it a learning curve, I call it going in circles. Attempting to study…

Studying. Notice how they conveniently put "DYING" at the end of this word.

I am not available because I am playing games with your mind. Think about that one.

Today we salute you, Mr. Constant Collar Putter Upper. You, bedecked in popped collar, teach us that we no longer have to live with a cold, back of the neck. Sure, your pink alligator polo may look feminine to some, but not the 17 other frat guys wearing the same thing at the bar. Where others may see thoughtless fashion conformity, you preach a higher gospel. You preach of a world where it is okay for a man to go tanning. You ask "why can't we wear makeup, and use shampoo with lavender essence?" So crack open a fresh bottle of candy cologne, Mr. Abercrombie (or is it Fitch?), because we all know, when we really need a piece of gum, you might have one…in your man purse.