Give a million dollars to charity anonymously or get million dollars from charity publicly?


Die by fire or die by water?


Be a minor rabbi in NY or a major rabbi in North Dakota?


Getting called up to open the ark and tripping in front of everyone on your way up the stairs OR getting called up to open the ark and making up the stairs successfully, only to realize that your fly is unzipped

Be stuck in the longest davening on earth or be stuck in an airport over Rosh Hashana?


Have a shofar for a cell phone or have only a land-line?


Be the most religious person in your shul or be the least religious?


Only allowed to speak in tune of Rosh Hashana davening chants or only allowed to speak in yeshivish mumble?


Have to give the major Rosh Hashana Drasha or have to listen to the worst major drasha?


Wear a kittel as your shabbos jacket all year round or wear Converse all-stars for shabbos shoes?


Live at Home and share room with Parents Or Live at Shul with cleaning staff?


Wake up to the smell of challahs baking every day or wake up to the smell of cholent cooking everyday?


Have shofars as ears or have a fish head?


No air-conditioning for 3 hour Rosh Hashana service or too much air-conditioning for 5 hour service?


Be Honored by every rabbi in the world or be honored by the one person of your choosing?

Give your Olam Habah to one person or give gehenom to one person?

Live a depressing life but get garaunteed world to come, Live the happiest life with a garaunteed stint in gehenom?

Be a fish at tashlich or be on the parks department cleanup staff?


Pay nothing for a seat on the bimah or pay $500 for a last row aisle seat near a window.


Be a bad shofar player or be a bad chazzan?


Be allowed one major sin or 200 minor sins?


Skip Rosh Hashana or Skip Yom Kippur?


Be a King on Rosh Hashana or be a slave on Passover?


Be allowed to check your email/internet on Yom Kippur or be allowed to eat?


Eat only pomegranate seeds OR eat only bread from tashlich?


Piss honey or crap apples?


Make every day of davening as long as Rosh Hashanas OR yom kippur fast until noon?


Dip everything you eat in honey or eat only apple flavored foods?


Hear a shofar every time you think about sinning or hear it every time you oversleep?