The Pew Survey on Jewish life was released on October 1, 2013 check the real results here

10.  60% of Jews cited Jon Stewart and Saul Berenson as spiritual leader

9. 30% of Jews under 20 celebrated Passover by liking Harry Styles seder tweet

8.  99% of rabbis will be quoting this survey in their sermon this weekend

7.  Marrying 'Jewish Style' is the new eating 'Kosher Style'

6.  Most prolific Rabbinic adviser on practical Jewish traditions is Google

5.  100% of American Jewish women still consider US Weekly a religious shabbos activity

4.  90% of Jews don't know anyone who actually took the survey

3.  73% of Jews consider the 'Remembering the Holocaust' as an essential part of being Jewish (an astonishing increase since 1939)

2.  0% of Ultra-Orthodox Jews will read this survey and give a crap

1.  87% of the 78% of those that completed 25% of the survey, thought to themselves “For this, I missed watching the Breaking Bad Finale?”